My Golden Orb!

Othman... *Growls* A SLEEPING BOY?!?! I AM A GIRL!!!

I wake up in a hospital bed, and notice CC laying in the bed beside me. the orb

"CC, sorry for jumping on the car you were in...and you know, hitting you with the orb."
"That's okay, I forgive you."
"Aw thank you. But can I have the orb, pwetty pwease?"
"But it's mine!"
"How about we trade? I'll give you this. We can be accomplices ."
"What is it?"
"A laser that'll make anyone listen to you- except me of course. It won't work on me."
"well..."
"I'll give you half of my cookie?"
"Deal! "

We traded, and I left the hospital completely okay. Walking down the sidewalk, I hugged the pretty orb.

 

After I ate the cookie, I wondered if the laser would work on my brother. I called him and as he walked in I aimed the laser at him. But I noticed there was no button to push! "She fooled me... AGAIN" I shouted, and ran outside, leaving my puzzeld brother with the useless laser. I walked down the street and kicked an empty can. Suddenly I hear a soft "ouch". I also hear an object rolling towards my feet, I look down and see THE ORB. I step over a girl lying unconcious on the street and when I'm in the taxi I arranged I realise it was... Ti odio.

But at last. the orb is MINE!

 

CG: "Sorry sis, couldn't find Ti. But maybe..."
Sexy nurse: "Your sister was discharged this morning."
CG: "No way. And she didn't call me?"

I quickly grab one of the sheets, tie it around something sturdy, and jump trough the window. I come to a halt only inches from the ground (she was at the groundfloor), and rush towards the sounds of mayhem. Is that Ti? Well, at least she's near a hospital. Suddenly, I spot CC, holding a... Is that Ti's world famous domination-lazer(pewpew)?

But before she can zap me (pewpew), she suddenly get's stabbed in the back by the sexy nurse with a needle full of liquid vicodin. As she crumbles to the ground, I grab the orb, the nurse, and head for my blimp that is waithing on the top of the hospital.

My orb!

 

CG didn't see the bomber until it was too late, Othman released his army of furbees meters above the blimp's outer layer. The near invincible plastic irritations quickly punctured and lit up the blimp's gas and through the massive fireball the furbees came straight as CG. Jumping on him and the hot nurse he had no time nor means of resistance and so was quickly overcome by the chanting pieces of ****, and after disposing of both the athletic nurse and CG off the hospital roof the furbees ran off to Heathrow at a surprising pace considering the size of their plastic feet. With the orb on their backs, I landed just as my pretty plastic devils came onto the runway, and now, orb in hand I'm 40,000 feet above the Atlantic ocean.

have fun!

 

Unluckily for Othman i am on the same flight as him, in fact im on a secret mission disguised as an air hostess when i see the orb thief. I wait for him to go to the bathroom before deftly slipping a hand into his remaining jacket pocket. I pull out a pistol and shoot my target before opening the hatch and plummeting. The pilots can only look in shock as a small parachute descends to the earth.

 

... by which time I wake up, and see a small parachute comming down. I quickly get a piece of cardboard and a magic marker to create a sign;

Jade killed of Kyle in Continent
Yours, CG​

I see how the figure in the sky starts to flail widely, and aparantly , it was Souji after all! My luck! And he dropped something... a golden orb!

Mine!!!

 

unfortunately for CG the guy Souji killed was actually my accomplice that I was going to kill upon landing anyway. After shedding a few non-existent tears I grabbed the army's new top-of-the-range flying squirrel suit from under my chair and jumped out after Souji. I quickly noticed the fake orb that Souji "dropped" and decided to ignore the cheering CG and head for my target.

As you may know, it is very hard to rummage through a girl's pockets especially when still a thousand feet in the air. And as she was struggling too much I took the hard decision to plunge my machete through her ribs. After finaly finding the god-damned orb I landed in a field by a farmhouse. (If you've watched The Cottage you'll have fun!)

 

After seeing the sign which was made by the villainous CG i see him scamper off with the fake orb. "What a sucker." i say to myself as i land in the distance i see a small farmhouse and othman soaring into it like a squirrel. I walk over there and find othman in a lounge chair in front of a fire gently caressing the orb. His eyes are rooted on the TV which is reporting a plane crash.

I sigh and stand in front of the TV and lift my shirt. At first Othman doesn't realize what's happened and then i hear a faint whisper,

othman: You're not a girl?
Souji: I'd like to think so.

He begins to go mad and keeps repeating he's not a girl over and over. i take this moment to slowly take the orb from the vacated lounge chair.

 

Waking from his doze he quickly got a pen and paper from out of his pocket and quickly sketched a picture of souji and added breasts and "IT WAS PLASTIC SURGERY!!" only after he ran outside after the long gone (I was tired) souji that I realized that I had been thinking of Ti Odio..."Their avatars look alike" I muttered as I called for my helicopter to come pick me up.

Once in the air I soon saw the fleeing, half naked thief. He was making his way across an open field, "What an eejit!" I smiled and raise my AUG to my shoulder and loosed three bullets in quick succession. The boy fell to the ground with a thud I could hear over my transportation's blades. I landed my copter and walked over to the corpse...which wasn't there, but the orb was there and so I took it and let souji live another day (he makes fun sport).

 

Ahh a new thread – that’s your ploy to shake me off the trail souji? Nice try. I was wondering why it wasn’t showing up in my subscriptions – I thought you had all seen sense, realized that I am the true master of the orb and given up.

In true baddie fashion, I sweep into the thread, curtseying to my audience as they hiss and boo. Thunder crackles. Jade is back. You're all in trouble now.

Argh! But what’s this? A helicopter flies overhead and ruins my hair – I just had that styled for my triumphant return! Grr.

I watch as the helicopter lands and make my way over. There is othman, a new player, standing over souji’s twitching body. I roundhouse kick othman into next week and catch the orb as it flies into the air. Aw look, he even left me a helpcopter. What a gent.

I tread on souji, rather than walk around him, climb into the passenger seat and fly away, the orb as co pilot.

My orb! Hahaha!

 

"My trap worked" said Othman once he got his breath back (it took a blood week - what a kick though). He picked himself off the ground and smiled at the smoking wreckage of half a helicopter. "He never even saw my anti-aircraft guns, muhahaha!" He said rather than laughed - Othman never shows emotion. He skipped, yes, skipped over to the wreckage in which the orb lay. Beauty shining through disaster - it was the only non-black object in the mangled ruins of a once brilliant helicopter.

He looked past the copse of evergreen trees to where he had ordered his SUV to be left. It wasn't there. "F***ing drivers left me for dead!!" He seethed, then opened his phone and called for a pick up and the immediate funeral of a certain driver.

 

This isn't a golden orb, it's a potato! Three months, how did Souji manage to fool him like this after three months of hunting that damn orb! I quickly eat the potato (orb hunting makes a man hungry) before resuming the chase.

Again, I just follow the sounds of destruction and mayhem. Suddenly I see a helicopter getting shot down. I run over and suddenly see Jade lying on the ground. I pull her out of the wreckage and leave her a note:

Heya Jade,
Good to have you back. Looking forward to stealing the orb from you.
Love,
CG

I smile and rise. She'll be fine. Now, about that orb.

I quickly spot othman. I give him a oncover and grab the orb. He runs after me, but is suddenly hit by a car. The driver jumps out, yelling "Oh my god oh my god Mr. Othman!"

Who cares? I got the orb!

 

I wake up and realize that I can’t see a thing. Ah no, I’m blind! How will I ever gaze upon the orb of ultimate glory again? Oh, no, hang on it’s just a piece of paper.

I read the words with narrow eyes and stand up in the midst of the wreckage. He could have at least called an ambulance. Or a hairdresser, I think, catching sight of my reflection in a shard of glass.

"Oh my god oh my god Mr. Othman!"

I run towards the sound of screaming, so fast that I catch up with othman in next week. CG is standing at the side of the road, staring at the scene with a smile. I tap him on the shoulder. He turns and meets my eye. Immediately he is turned to stone, and I take the orb. I write a message on the new CG statue (on his forehead).

Heya CG,
It's good to be back. Come and get the orb (if you dare.)
Jade

I turn and run away.


My orb again. Haha!

 

As with most people who participate in this thread, I am invincible. So I picked my self off the floor looked around for Jade and then asked my driver for his gun. I shot him. Climbing into my SUV I went to make an arrangement for body disposal but found that my phone was dead. I swore, started the engine and stuck the pistol into my belt all at the same time (I'm good at multitasking, e.g. being run over whilst continuing to breathe...tricky).

Jade is stupid. Skipping along a road unarmed and with the orb in full view?? Although it wasn't exactly a film style attempted murder...I ran her over, got out and shot her in the head twice and three times in each leg for good measure.

"F**K!!" I exclaimed when her head mysteriously healed...I grabbed the orb from her still beating (FFS) chest and rolled her body into nearby ravine. "Fifty foot of sheer rock face ought to keep her away for a little while." I growled and imitating her skip I went off to my car and drove off to Me'ico...I was lost...shup.

 

Seeing this scuffle over a very valuable golden orb I decide that I want it for myself. So I sneak up on Othman and hit him on the head with a shovel. I then use the shovel to bury him underground, take the orb and run away, hiding it in my pocket. Since no one knows me yet they can't know I have the orb.

 

That it, unless you happen to have an OrbFinder2009! (The OrbFinder 2000-2008 were all busted in the previous thread) After being transmuted back to flesh by a friendly Alchemist (Thanks Hohenheim, loved you in FMA), I activate the wonderful piece of equipment, quickly finding out where the orb is.

Who's that? Oh well, does it matter? He has my orb! I spot a shovel nearby, which I use to hit him over the head with, after which I bury his body (oh, the irony!)

My golden orb, once again!

 

star peers out from behind an oak tree, smiling. it was wonderful to still see the same morons fighting over the orb.

a glint of gold catches her eye. squinting, she spots cg burying another player. star chuckles to herself. he's left himself wide open. running up behind him (she was the star sprinter on her track team), star pushes cg into the open grave. unslinging her bow from her back, she expertly shoots cg through the heart with an arrow and quickly buries him. throwing the shovel aside, star picks up and caresses the golden orb. eyes darting, she dashes down the hill and into a hobbit hole.

 

Your time has not yet come, CommonGoods​

What the heck, whats up with the big pale lettres?

Give us a break. We would have send a choir of angels, but do you know what those things cost? Heck, we have a financial crisis on our hands here!​

Still, an angel or two might have been nice.

Look, you want to be reincarnated or not?​

Yeah, I guess.


I kick in the door of the hobbit hole and barge in. star_fire stares at me in fear.

sf: CommonGoods!?
CG: CommonGoods? Yes, thats what they called me. CommonGoods the Grey. *smile* I'm CommonGoods the... waith a second. WHAT THE HELL!

Sorry​

sf faints, and I decide that I wouldn't kill her. After all, she did burry me. So, after I retrieve the orb, I return the favour by cutting trough the pillars that keep the hole from collapsing.

My orb!

 

After turning off the microphone, Othman quickly set off the detonators that he placed around the hobbit hole during CG's 'cutting through the pillar'. "BOOM" He dramatically said as he clicked the big red button..."Damn I forgot to turn the mic on again!" He sighed and then remembered the now buried orb.

Lucky for me CG and the orb were right by the door frame, "CG alive, but I've got the orb...Mu, Wa, Wa, Waaaa."He said attempting a mirthless laugh and miserably failing..."Ah swell..." He grumbled as he and the orb walked off into the distance, him practicing evil laughs and the orb just sitting in his arms being orbish.

 

Thanks to my bulletproof skull, I live on. Yet there are no fancy mystical voices or reincarnation for me.

After I’ve finished sulking at the injustice, I haul myself out of the ravine and follow my innate orb sense to the Golden Orb. Falling down the ravine was good in a way. I now have so many twigs and leaves in my hair that I am perfectly camouflaged with my jungle surroundings.

I find Othman and punch him in the face. Hard. That’s what ya get for shooting me.

I take the orb for myself and disappear into the jungle where nobody will ever be able to see me.

 

Your time has not yet come, CommonGo...​

Piss of, I'm not dead yet!

I manage to get myself out of the now collapsed hobit hole, and quickly start looking for the Golden Orb. However, whoever has it, she is pretty good at hiding... Luckily, I know how to handle these things; lure them out.

After trying liqour, alcohol and sigarettes, I decide to take a somewhat unusual aproach;

CG: *Puts a lap top on a tree stump* "Well look at that, seventy new posts on the RPG forums..." *back away*

I watch how suddenly, Jade appears. She clicks the mouse button, and is forced to watch a movie about a little girl with black hair that crawls out of well. Then my phone rings.

CG: "CG speaking."
Mysterious voice: "Could you put me on speaker. Got a message for Jade.
CG: "Sure." *Puts his phone on speaker*
Mysterious voice: "Hey Jade; SEVEN DAYS!"

Seven days later, I find the orb, abandoned somewhere in the woods. I don't know what happened to Jade, but hey, at least I got the orb now!

 

I don’t actually have to do anything this time. I stand by the tree stump and tap my foot. CG is soon back.

“Forget something?” I ask sweetly, holding the laptop over a huge chasm.

Ooh, cruel.​

“You wouldn’t,” CG answers, panic written on his face.

You see, I am not the only one addicted to the RPG forum. Already deprived of his RPG fix with the laptop in plain sight, CG is starting to twitch so much that the orb falls out of his hands. I throw the laptop to him and he falls upon the keyboard like it supplies oxygen.

It should take him a while to drag his attention back to the real world. I plan to be in Vegas by then.

I start running for the airport.

 

"Taxi!" Jade calls out with her left hand out to hail down the oncomming taxi, little does she know, Othman still had his gun and no form of transport. The taxi slows down and Jade opens the door and climbs into the back, "Where to guvnor?" Othman asks not turning round.
"The airport, please."
"Okay, sure thing." Othman murmurs as he drives off the main road and into a dense wood. "Crap!! What was that?!" Othman yells in surprise as CG rolls off his now stationary bonnet.
"Othman? You forgot your voice-" Jade was cut off by the clicks the locks made as they came down.
"F**k you Jade, you're being sedated and rolled into that damned ravine again!!" He screamed, still started by CG.
"NOT IF THE ORB COMES WITH ME!!" Jade yelled as she opened the door.
"Locked, remember?" Othman replied with a grin.
"Oooohhh ****!!!" Jade whimpered as some compressed gas of some sort started to be released in the back of the cabbie.

"Orb, orb, I love you! Orb, orb, I love you!" He chortled, he had a brilliant song and a golden orb, why shouldn't he be happy?

 

I got hit by a freaking car! A freaking yellow cab!

I quickly scramble to my feet, and hear something singing. I look up and see othman skip around holding the orb. Which I want. I take a look at my laptop, and after seeing the basterd rode over it, I go crazy and start hitting him over the head with it. After he stops moving, I grab the orb, and suddenly see Jade, who'se sitting in the back of the car that hit me.

She isn't moving, and as I open the door, I'm hit by a wall of gas.

But hey, I need her for Continent, so I can't let her die, now can I?

Anyway, I leave next to the car, grab her ticket to Vegas and start heading for the airport.

 

my acting is better than ever...(I AM NOT WEAK, I am SPARTA!!) and seeing as CG will be long gone by now I think I'll just head off for Vegas myself, the minute CG tries to go into a casino with the orb under his arm he will be e-MuRdErEd!!

CG did go into a casino with the orb under his arm, CG is now lying in a ditch, Bill the casino manager does have the orb..."BILLIETTA!!" Othman yelled at the top of his (now slightly brusied) voice, "GIVE ME THE ORB!!"
I can't post the full post for some reason...