It's a complicated issue. The best thing to do probably is just outright ask the person if they're interested then you know for sure or not. But I'm no expert.
Just to throw in my two cents about the situation... Back when I was dating, I would like someone and flirt with them, but sometimes after I got to know them and we started spending more time together, I would realize that we just didn't click. I'm sure the guys in these situations felt exactly like you do, Punk, but I wasn't doing anything to mess with their heads or play games...I was just getting to know them and then realizing that it wasn't going to happen. Maybe that's the case with some of the girls you're talking about?
I think there's a lot of people that are just automatically flirty to everyone. I know I'm like that a lot of the time, and it drove my ex insane... (and I probably had waaay too much fun driving her insane...) but what she couldn't understand is that there are very few people that I'd really consider dating. If two people enjoy each other's company and watch the same movies and listen to the same music etc etc then in most circumstances it would be dumb to NOT test the waters. But once you start narrowing down your similarities and realize that maybe there are some profound things that you just don't have in common (like believing it's sinful to eat bacon or something), you start to realize that the walls that seem to be "coming down" were there all along. And now, you're running into them. And it sucks. Could be what's happening with you, Punk, but it's just my little theory.
Well see, I know when a girl is very flirty.... I see drunk girls at parties and those types that just flirt with everyone, which was sort of the case with the guitar girl (remember, I didn't get to see her often, so I didn't know what she was like around her friends). Those girls i try specifically to avoid. But I think the flirtatious period stops at some point. Like after twiddling around with hands? Or cuddling under sheets? Or sucking face, half against my will??? don't get me wrong, she was gorgeous, but it kinda caught me off guard... I'd like to find a girl who doesn't play this game... All these girls in the past have been really preppy, but the girl in my economics class is like a punk rock girl and that just makes me happy... but I'm afraid to be happy at this point. I'll proceed with caution.
Maybe... some of them we would have a relationship for about two weeks, but it would just stop. I dunno... when a girl rambles on about twilight or jersey shore, I tend to turn off :/
Wha? See, until you threw that last line in there, it sounded like there was an issue with the girl...but if you're tuning her out because you don't like the same things as she does, which is what that last line seems to imply, I can't really blame them for not wanting to hang out with you anymore.
Well, do you think that's the cause? Cuz I put up with it in the past and it has worked fine. I think it's correlation, not causation.... I'll usually poke fun at it for laughs (not in a mean way). I think I just threw that line in there in a manic state... about 7 of these 9 girls are the super preppy type into that stuff, and I need to stop going for them. Also, I feel like this conversation is incredibly narcissistic on my part... somebody else should start talking about their issues. lol
I'm confused with who is who. The guitar girl who fell for another guy is the economics punk girl? And the girl who caught you off guard by being all over you, is someone else or still the economics punk girl?? Maybe you should introduce (code)names!
I'll do that! Guitar girl who fell for another guy: Suzie Q Punk rock economics girl: Punk rock girl Girl all over me: umm... Norah Suzie Q was a booger nose I dated Norah for a week and then she left, hooking up with another dude about a week later And the punk rock girl is really cool... I'll ask her for a study date today.
I'm super tired and confused, so I'm not sure what exactly is going on, but I'll just say that if there are girls that you tune out because you don't care about the things that they care about, those are probably not girls you should be dating. Obviously you don't need to share all the same likes and dislikes with someone, but if you can't even listen to your SO talk about something that they enjoy, that's not a good sign. Also, the 'preppy' girls that you had issues with, did you have things in common with them? Because yeah...not having anything in common is probably not a good foundation for a relationship. As for the feeling narcissistic part, I tried to come up with an issue that I could talk about, but I've got nothing...it's a lot easier to avoid relationship issues when you don't have to worry about dating and reading people's signals and such anymore...sorry. :/
Hey guys ^^ So, you know how people tend to make bad decisions when they're drunk? Well, I tend to do the same thing when I'm really (really) tired. I hadn't slept well in days, and one of my guy friends had just walked me back to the dorm, when I had the brilliant (/sarcasm) idea that I would text him and confess that I liked him. But, me being the shy introvert that I am, decided to pose as one of my friends who was texting him (I really don't know why I thought that was a good idea. I hate it when people play games like that. Then again, lack of sleep). The thing is, I really like this guy. And I have been under the impression that he likes me as well. He walks me back to my dorm every night after our weekly club meeting, he took time out of his day to go on a walk with me for a landscape assignment (we sat and talked for two hours at the college hangout after that, where he shared some personal details with me. He's usually pretty quiet, though, and I'm pretty sure no one else in our friend group knows those details about him), and he helped me avoid someone that had showed up to an event I was at that wasn't invited. He's incredibly funny, incredibly smart (if he would actually study, who knows what he would be capable of), very attractive, and now knows my secret. The reason for this post? Well, mainly nerves since I have to see him tonight for our club meeting. I'm a terrible liar and am not sure if I can be level headed around him at this point. And, perhaps, I was wondering if a relationship could exist here, or if it's just wishful thinking.
Hey everyone, So I'm eighteen and a senior in high school. There's this one guy that I like as more than a friend. We weren't ever really close friends because we are both kind of the loner type but recently we have been talking a lot more. This includes face to face as well as online. It turns out we have a lot in common and he's also been helping me through a rough time. So the question...I asked him to hang out. With me this weekend and instead of responding by Internet or text like usual he called me and told me he couldn't and apologized. He sounded upset that he couldn't, even though I told him I understood. So my two questions are, why did he call me instead of just sending me a text? Two, should I ask him to hangout next weekend or back off?
So you pretended to be your friend while texting him? :S And is the secret this? If so, why not talk to him about it and explain? He might understand, it seems like he likes you a lot but whether he wants friendship or something more, obviously I don't know. Do you see him outside your club meetings? If not, perhaps invite him out to show you're keen to spend more time with him? I think it shows he cares. Calling you takes more effort than a quick text or IM. Perhaps don't mention next weekend, but say would he like to meet up some time when he's free? and sort of leave it up to him to decide when. By the way, I'm no expert so feel free to completely ignore what I've said.
seems a bit quiet out here... but i've got one So there is this girl in my class, a chinese student (im dutch). We have been hanging out and stuff, just talking and getting to know each other for the past weeks now. I like her a lot, and I think she feels more or less the same way. things are going slow, but in the right direction i think Normally I wouldn't mind taking time for all this, but the thing is, I am working in a time frame... as someday she probably will go back to china. I dont know how long I (we) have left, maybe a few months, or a year. she already told me about two months ago, she's not looking for a relationship just for fun, or long-distance... and neither am I. But since then she has been getting more and more eager to spend time with me, and vice versa. I just hate the idea that we may have a real chance here, and just let it slip.... this sucks! any thoughts?
That depends on your definition of "a real chance". Every day you spend together is good in itself. Whatever happens later won't make you forget these. Don't let the future diminish the present. Once you're sure you're enjoying each day as it should be enjoyed, you can start with the trying no to be miserable once she's gone. That one's pretty simple though. Have you reached an age and do you have what's necessary to be able to simply switch country? If you could, I'd leave the decision for where you're much closer to that moment. If you just can't switch countries for whatever reason. Well, enjoy every single day until she goes and the next time you consider your life as a whole, think about what stops you from having that particular aspect of freedom. But, most of all, do not forgo present happiness to avoid future pain. You'll regret it. I'd pay to have someone travel to the past and tattoo that sentence in my arm when I was fifteen.
Thanshin, just letting you know your advice was pretty solid She is my girlfrend now, and we are quitte happy with eachother, so thanks
I'm not really posting here to get any advice, just mostly to get my feelings off my chest and to try to find out if I'm not the only one who's thinking this: Does it feel like you'll never get a boyfriend? A first one, anyway? Last year I was working at this pretty sucky store. It just stunk. But then this guy was employed. I liked him. You know -- he was cute. Blue eyes, a closely shaved head of sandy blonde hair, a gentle but strong voice. And he was the same age as me. Perfect! And of course I was very curious if he had a girlfriend. I gushed this to a co-worker of mine who's become a very good friend and she just went up straight to him and asked if he had a girlfriend! Ahh! I nearly died when she did that. . . . And the cool thing was he said he didn't. Ahh! So it grew a bit from there. We talked between stocking shelves and unloading our deliveries. Then we got to close the store together one night because I was an assistant manager. That night I found out how funny he could be. While blocking shelves in the back of the store, he came to me and complained about some annoying customer who wouldn't give him a break, then said some remark that made me laugh so hard. Anyway, he worked at that branch for three weeks then transferred to another three towns over. Thus ended that possible relationship. Big bummer. . . . And then I moved over to the neighboring store. That was a great day. I couldn't have been happier. And not soon after arriving, I met this other guy. Cuter than the first. Tall, short brown hair, a soft voice that sounded a bit like Elmer Fudd, but was still a heart melter nonetheless. I immeditately tried to at least get his attention. I talked when I could to him. Tried to make him laugh. After one good night of socializing at work, he came in the next morning as I was cleaning up my register and actually said Hi to me with my name included. Gaw. . . .My heart melted into a million pieces when that happened. Plus he flashed me that smile that made me feel like I could just slide down the side of the register like melted butter. But then, just around Valentines Day I found out that he had a girlfriend. No! And after discovering that, I left him like a dog leaves a rancid piece of steak. I wouldn't try to get his attention anymore. It wouldn't be right especially if he was involved with someone else. So through the next few weeks I tried to act nice to him, but not too nice. I couldn't. It wouldn't be right to. And at the same time I felt like it just wasn't fair for me. Ya know? But then last week my hope was restored! Through a conversation that I wasn't directly involved in, I overheard that he did not have a relationship with his girlfriend anymore! Ahh! The gates were now opening to me. Finally. The sad thing was, I also learned that he's sixteen during the course of that night. A few years younger than myself. I wouldn't have guessed his true age in a million years. He may be a soft speaker, but he is tall and he has a mature confidence about himself. Why? Why?! Do any of you girls out there feel like this? It's like not fair. Fate is toying with me too much.
Yes, I am right there with you. Fate is a monster. I found the perfect guy a long time ago. He was my best friend. But then I lost him. Just like that. I got a call that he was in the hospital, and before I knew it I was at his funeral. I'm still not over it, but I met my boyfriend, and he gave me the best thing that has ever happened to me. My son. But my boyfriend isn't the perfect guy. At all. He's a good guy, but not for me. I don't think I can ever be happy with him as much as I would like to be for our son. But now... I've met this guy. I don't really know him, but there's just something that draws me to him. Probably the fact that he has about every quality I've ever wanted. I constantly find myself wondering what it would like to be with him, though we're both in relationships and don't live anywhere remotely close to each other. But I can't help thinking that if there weren't so much space and if we were single, then there might be something there. Ugh. Yeah... Fate's a b*tch.
Tay, that sucks. It's like you're being teased and tested with all these temptations. The age thing with the sixteen year old, I wouldn't let it get in the way if you both genuinely like each other. But obviously, it's up to you. I never thought I would get a first proper boyfriend, but I did when I least expected to. If things end between us (touch wood they don't), then I don't have much hope for finding someone else. So my advice, as you've probably often been told, is to stop looking. (I didn't believe this when I was told to do that mind) Seriously, it worked for me. Enjoy what you have in life, and be happy with who you are. Don't yearn all the time after getting someone special. Because they will come along, you just have to be patient and get on with your life until then. Baywriter: I'm sorry you lost your perfect guy/best friend so quickly. :/
^I think that's good advice. And he and I had quite a few great years as friends, so I'm grateful for that.
A good female friend recently told me she likes me. If I did like her back, I think we'd get on really well, but we only really see eachother once a month, we go to different schools. Part of me wants to go on a date with her, but the other part tells me how it wouldn't work. Confused!
