The Not Happy Thread

Azeher: Sorry for your loss. I hope you're coping okay, and at least when you're ready you have people you can talk to. Time will make things better, but I know it won't feel like that right now.

Emily: I hope you can feel better about being you, and things improve for you soon.

 

I keep jerking awake at 4.30am with terrible dreams and memories of when my husband had an affair. It's been 8 years since it all came to light--and the resulting kid--so I should be over it by now. It's okay during the day but at night it's started to come crowding back. I don't know what's triggered it but it sucks and I can't talk about it with him--we talked ourselves out on the subject long ago.
When I hear women at work gossiping about a married man they are attracted to I want to rip them apart.
Yeah, the anger never goes away.

 

Sorry to hear that madhoca. To be honest, a betrayal like that, I'm not sure any number of years would be enough to completely be over it.

 

Let's see...right now I'm a little "not happy" because I went to Sunrise Easter Mass this morning at 6am. What seemed like a good idea has left me tired and moody.

 

^^ Thanks, pal. There were semi-extenuating circumstances, but it still took, and takes, a lot of getting used to.

 

madhoca, sorry to hear that. Like Banzai said, I'm not sure time will let you get over a betrayal like that, especially only eight years. It might help to talk about it with your husband - I know you said you've talked it out, but maybe bringing it up would help. I don't know though, I'm no expert.

 

Madhoca, your story makes me seem like I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. My regrets to you, and I hope everything will work out. I'll stop now, before I say anything that makes me look dumb because I'm no expert on this matter either.

 

Thanks. The problem was, I had a good job and I've been settled here since 1985, plus the kids would have forgotten Turkish if I left him. I didn't want to break up the family. And since my parents live in France, not England, it would have been difficult to relocate--specially with no money. So I stayed with him. Going bankrupt was what flipped him in the first place--can you believe he had an affair with the lawyer's secretary in the midst of our whole life going down the plughole? I also discovered that, whatever, he really is the only person I want to be with, so I shouldn't moan.
My life is more than a little like Brazilian soap opera.

 

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how hard it must be going through something like that.

*hugs* I wish I could do something to help, Em. I know how tough it can be on you, but hang in there! Hopefully things will get easier.

Sad I hate when bad things from our past start springing up in nightmares...and I'm really sorry you had to go through something like that in the first place. *hugs* I hope the nightmares go away soon, at least!

 

Don't be tired on being you. Be tired of being ill.

Just a light change of perspective, but it matters in the long run, and it affects you self image.

You are great, but being ill isn't all that great perhaps.

 

I'm not very happy on the Easter Day... The BF won't stop antagonising me.. he keeps going and going and goind like it never ends, how many times can a person cry over the same fight, over and over again. I don't understand this pain and it make's me want to crawl out of my own skin... sorry about the anger..

 

I'm really exhausted.

I never realized how really important it is to take care of oneself. I haven't been doing so, ignoring what I need both physically and mentally and ended up having to go to the hospital after collapsing outside my building. That was about ten days ago... I am doing a little better now, just in time for "Dead Week," finals, a rave, moving out of the dorm and into a new apartment, starting summer classes and starting my new job at the lab.

On top of everything, let's throw in financial and familial stress to my already stretched-too-thin life, and I am hoping otherwise but I see another hospital stay in my future because I don't know how to change things so that my body and my mind are happy and healthy. I think I am pushing myself beyond what I can really handle, but I don't know how to find enough time or cut things out of my life; in fact, a lot of times I just don't feel like I'm doing enough.

I have to study for an exam, a quiz, and a presentation tomorrow, but all my brain wants to do is shut off. But I cant let it; I've already slept so much today... Ugh. I think, if I never post here again, just know that it's likely because my body just finally shut down from over-exhaustion.

 

I found out I had a Half brother today.. Well, He didn't know about it either.. he's 24 im soon to be 15. I found him on facebook after my mom told me and we started talking. then his Mom stepped in and Told me not to have any contact with him whatsoever and i was actually really happy before she said that Because Most of my family Has either rejected me or Hated me for a reason unknown to me.. I dont really know what I did wrong but yea.. My life is just screwed up right now.

 

Spring break is ending and I'm going back to school tomorrow. Not looking forward to that.

 

I can hear my obnoxious neighbor shrieking through the walls.

 

About to write a poem that's going to break my heart. This month is just hard. But I have to write this, even if it hurts. It's about to burst out of me.

 

If your half brother is 24, his Mom should not be able to step in and interfere. If he lets her, maybe he has learning difficulties or something. She sounds like a typical example of a vindictive woman trying to blame other people for her mistakes and pain. However, sometimes it's better not to force contact. A perfect stranger can't really be like a brother, imo. My kids really don't want anything to do with their half brother, but that's their decision. I tried not to influence them on the subject. Don't get depressed over other people's mistakes, you are worth more than that. They don't hate you, they hate themselves.

 

Yeah, me and him got along while we were figuring this out, I'd known him to be cool, And we share alot of stuff in common.. He hasn't been bacck on facebook and I'm hoping that He will still talk to me. His mom Actually asked me to lie to him, and tell him it was a mistake. Which ended up ticking me off. She sent me a message, I've never met her before in my life asking me to never contact him and to tell him i made an mistake and im not his sister. So yeah. I don't think she is a very good parent For asking someone to lie to her son..

 

I hope your brother can find a way to get to know you, while still reassuring his mother that he is not turning against her. It may take time, but at the ages you are, it isn't really for her to stop you. Here's hoping it works out

 

Back down to Brighton, for the next term of university, today. I don't so much mind that (not looking forward to deadlines and exams though), but rather I don't think it's going to be a fun journey. It's bank holiday Monday. It's going to be another gloriously sunny day. And I go to uni by the seaside. Traffic and parking are going to be a bloody nightmare.

 

Jayyy1014: Hope things are okay with you and your family, and that you get to know your half brother (if that's what you want).

Banzai: I bet. I wouldn't want to be you.

 

At least I have the consolation that my return to Newcastle this evening will be in the evening. And no tourists tend to go to Newcastle (in fact, most of Newcastle will have naffed off to Whitley Bay for the day).

Still, the Metro at 10.30 at night won't be fun.

 

I write when I'm unhappy. I wrote tonight. Assumptions abound.

 

it is Monday. This semester should've ended last week.

 

^ Dude. Blehhh. For real.

So last night, I had this article deadline keeping me up late, so I walked over to get a 5-shots-of-expresso coffee from the Dunkin Donuts across the street from me. It was like 3 a.m., and sitting on a lightpost, I saw this GIANT cockroach...it had to have been literally 4 inches long, bigger than anything I've seen in my life....it was like, the size of a freaking lobster....and it was just sitting there waving its antennas at me as I waited for the crosswalk symbol to let me cross the street.
FOUR INCHES.

*Shudders violently*