Okay, so I'm going to come across as a horrible person here... I probably am one. But anyway, I have a wonderful boyfriend. He's sweet, he's kind, he'd never do anything to hurt anyone. We've been together for two years. And everyone, including him, thinks we're going to be together "forever." I mentioned to my Mum last night that I was feeling awkward about seeing his family for his mother's birthday, and she said that it was my "future mother-in-law's birthday" and I had to get used to it. WHAT THE HELL? Everyone I'm close to loves this guy; my parents have even told me they think of him as a son. I'm nineteen! I don't want to think about that sort of stuff! And the thing is, he's great, but I feel so pressured right now. I don't know what to do. And he doesn't help. I've talked to him about it, but all I succeed in doing is hurting his feelings, and then he holds on tighter. I don't need to be told that I'm loved all the time, y'know. I don't want to think about forever yet! When I went to a counsellor a while ago, they asked me where I saw myself, relationship-wise, in five years. In five years, I'll be twenty-four. God only knows how different I'll be by then. Also, I hate putting expectations on relationships. I enjoy living in the moment. I was happy, when I believed that I was in a great relationship with a great guy, and that was all there was to it. Now everyone is throwing around the word "forever," and I don't even know if I believe that exists. Argh. And I know if I leave, I'm just going to break his heart, and I don't want to leave, because he is wonderful. But oh my god if everyone doesn't stop telling me how perfect he is for me, I'm going to lose it. So, sorry for the long rant and everything. Just kinda had to get it out, and I can't talk to anyone I actually know about it (including friends), because they throw away my feelings and say "but he's so nice, and you two are so good together."
I'm really sorry to hear that. It's almost like you want to tell everyone to get a life and stay our of yours. I'm sure it's because they care about you and know he's a nice guy, and want you to be with a nice guy for the rest of your life, but they should worry about their own happiness, not yours. Hun, do whatever it is you think is right. To be honest, you're nineteen and there are plenty of men out there that are half decent. If you end up thinking that it won't work out between you and your boyfriend, sure you can feel a little bad, but you should think about your own happiness first before you think about anyone else's. I'm not saying break up with him or anything, but what I am saying is don't be afraid if the time comes, or if you can't handle it anymore. And who knows? Maybe all you need to do is just shout really loud at the people throwing forever around so they get the picture. ;D
Admin has a good point, Dizzy. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders, doll. You realize you're young, and that the future is a big thing. A vast thing. There's nothing terrible about not wanting to plan it all out when in some ways, it's only just beginning! The person I was when I was nineteen is so different than who I am today, and it's only been four years. Don't feel ashamed to take life one day at a time. I would recommend sitting down with your parents and telling them exactly how you feel. Let them know the type of pressure their expectations make you feel. Both your parents and your boyfriend should be able to understand your need to feel free to make your own decisions, go where you dream of going and feel free to live your life. You can do this with your boyfriend. Who knows, maybe it will work out in the end, and he is the one. But if he isn't, that's okay.
Mind if i drop a post or two before i finish my homework? Ok theres this girl that i liked since the 4th grade. She was in my class in 4th and i told her i liked her but the way i did it i think i freaked her out without trying too. I kinda went crazy over it, but i was only 10 at the time. lolol typical 4th grader. Anyway, now that im in the 8th grade and she somehow is in my homeroom i can't stop thinking about her. Today was only the third day of school and i can't stop. I don't make it obvious of course, but i really do like her. But my problem is, ever since then she has been scared of me and avoiding me lately. I try to act more mature without trying too hard, just being me. I want to prove to her im not crazy anymore haha. But how can i? And then when im working on my paper she looked up at me 2-3 times and i noticed it at the corner of my eye. That was just the first day. Yesterday she looked at me quickly about 4 times, and then today she did the same thing. But when she isn't staring at me she avoids me. I don't get it. Im trying to figure out if she likes me or is scared to death of me? Im not the type who tries to impress girls, im just really shy and somewhat scared to talk to her. Yes, i always pay attention to my work first, but this has been in the back of my mind since Monday. If you have any solution, please help.
Personally, I'd just forget about her. I had a hard crush on my best friend for a couple of years, dated her for eight months, and then she dumped me and we haven't talked since. I lost a good friend, and almost lost the rest because she was somewhat controlling of my time. Anyways, I've learned from that... Basically though, this girl will take away a lot of energy and in the end will most likely not be worth it. Of course you should try to get with her, because you never know, but don't try to put too much pressure on yourself with this one. You are young and have plenty of high school girls to get with in the next couple of years. ;D
I saw it, Mal, before you deleted it --I just didn't respond because I wasn't sure what to say. I wont rehash it, as it's not my business to bring up, particuarly after you've deleted it, but I will say that I understand... I feel the same way a lot of the time. It is very frustrating and awkward when people just have these stupid, stereotypical expectations of who you should be and what your future will be like... It's okay to not want the same thing, but because everyone expects it of us, it feels sometimes as if we are letting people down. It's difficult, and I'm sorry you're going through it. I don't know what to tell you other than that; I wish I had advice or comforting words for you, but I cant think of any. Good luck, I suppose. (Also if you're not comfortable with me saying even what i've said just here, let me know and I'll edit / delete it. )
Lol no you're fine Merc. I appreciate it. It's not exactly a bad situation, or a situation I need/want sympathy for, because there's nothing wrong exactly. I just need to have a conversation and make sure we know where the other stands and make sure there's no expectations I don't know about, and I'm not sure how to bring it up. But I'll handle it fine, I'll just naturally steer the conversation toward that when we're talking about something somewhat related. I just don't like conversations that serious.
Can't really understand the relationship/love thing. I can picture myself in 10-20 years as the person sitting on internet and living in a house with their 20 cats. :redface:
Well it seems no matter how hard I try the girl I like is scared of me. I corrected myself and I found nothing I was doing was disrespectful or perverted. I don't know, since this girl is shy she proably can't stand being near me cause she doesn't want to make the first move. I'm not jumping into conclusions, but that's what I think. I myself feel the same way alittle bit.
Could be shyness. Or, you guys are in high school, right? Is it possible she has strict parents, and/or a boyfriend at another school, or some other pressure that would interfere with you and her simply going out? Lots of clouding drama occurs in high school. Best of luck to you. Can I ask what you've tried? Because if you're saying anything too serious, this could also scare her off. For example, don't talk about things like long-term relationships right off the bat: this is way too heavy for a lot of people, and would probably scare me off someone too. Start things off with casual intentions: you think she's cool, you'd like to hang out with her and get to be friends. Anything else will naturally evolve from there if it's right for you guys; it always starts with just hanging out, so don't make things too heavy/serious. I'm not saying you're doing this, because I have no idea what you're doing, but I'm just throwing it out there. Also, if you can be funny in a natural way, telling jokes always helps (but only if you can pull it off in a way that sounds natural.)
Well im not in high school yet, i just started in 8th grade. My past experience is probably a good reason why, not in the terrified manner i suppose. She is shy, and i tried to talk to her in 4th grade and kinda scared her cause she's so quiet and soft. But since it's been 4 years later, and the first time ive been in a homeroom class with her since then things might have somewhat changed. She's still shy, but im afraid i might scare her without trying. I did alot of silly things in 4th grade for her to be that way, but maybe i could be over-thinking. She could still be somewhat scared, but she does stare at me alot while i try to do my work and stuff like that. She tried to avoid me when i sat in the corner since my homeroom class didn't have any other desks. Wednesday she moved 1 seat further then my normal spot, (we moved seats today, she's in the very far back now, and im more in the front.) but i am starting to think she gets nervous cause she is too shy to make the first move.. i really don't know. it's really complicated. Today she stared at me at the cafeteria all the way to the very back of the wall, watching me from a distance and then other days she just gives me a glare or two. Before lunch i caught a neutral look from her, but she didn't look the other way. She always looks away or return her eyes to her paper. And the thing is im a mute, so you will be lucky to hear me speak at all. Only 5 days of school has just happened, so im still getting used to everything. I still sometimes stay quiet though, and so does she. And well theres a couple of other guys in my class that she laughs at his jokes- so i really don't know. Im afraid to jump in like that. Unless she's dealing with the pressure of more then one crush? i don't know. I think too far. She's a major mystery. I have no idea with her. I now feel like she's always watching me, and sometimes when we walk to lunch and we all go down the stairs she looks behind her, and stares at me, and i feel alittle awkward, i don't want her getting the wrong idea but usually she keeps glaring and staring anyways- so, really i have no idea. Would you possibly know how the avoiding/ the constant staring and then neutral looks at the same time means? cause they aren't rude or mean stares. Just a sign of worry or caution. I need help trying to figure this out. I have dealt with a part of this for about 4 years. I need to know the answer to this never-ending mystery. Most of this has just happened today or earlier when school started.
If it's worry or caution, she probably either 1) likes you and is nervous about what you think of her, or 2) is worried that you might just be messing with her, or 3) has some other conflict, like she likes you but so does her best friend and she doesn't know what to do, or 4) has heard some crazy rumor about you (only you know whether that's likely). 8th grade was extremely rough, and I think girls had it worse than guys, so there's loads of things that could be in her head. Good luck!
^I hope the mystery ends soon Xeno. Or at least she stops staring. Maybe you should just try to talk to her or something. Say, "Hi. How's it going?" Or something. Have you tried that? You know, like break the ice? Maybe she just needs to settle into school. Get used to the swing of things. I know what you mean about awkward. I have a coworker at this grocery store I work at, and all he does is stare at me when he and I have coinciding shifts. It's annoying. Really annoying. And a bit awkward too. But I just ignore him. And it's not like he glares or anything. He just stares. I wish he'd stop. But I don't have the nerve to tell him so. I'm not that kind of person. Someone who's really forward. He's a newbie so I'll have to put up with him for a lot longer unless of course I quit
^I've found that when people stare at me, staring back tends to make them stop. But I've never done it to people I interacted closely with.
^Yeah, that is a good tactic. But I feel it would make it worse in my case. He'd maybe get like interested in me or something or pay a lot of attention to me. I don't want him to. 1) He's four years younger than me. 2) It's hearsay, but my sister told me he's dating two girls at the same time. (something's seriously wrong with that). And he's just weird! Ya, know??
Haha, thanks, Hidden. He's a newbie and he'll be going back to his high school life soon, so I won't be seeing him too often much more.
Until i know why she's staring, it will contuine to stay in my mind. I like her, but im not gonna play The Staring Games. If i actually have the stength to actually talk to her, maybe things would be explained. But she's very fragile in a way. I really don't know with her. Maybe she does like me, because she isn't the only one who does that. I have another girl who makes it obvoius, she just keeps smiling and well all she does is watch me and i kinda feel paranoid but not as much as the shy one. The shy one i feel watched in every angle, every section of the school. Maybe this is an obvoius sign and im just not seeing it. My friend encouraged me to go up to her and talk but i am not all that good in communicating with girls like that. Or any that's not a good friend of mine of that matter. The shy girl has the most amazing eyes, but what the reason for it is unkown. Her eyes may be very unqine but behind those pair of eyes is blank mist. I have no idea what goes through her head. One day last year she randomly tapped me while i was eating laugh, laughing. Doesn't make any sense. That could of been a sign too. I try not to worry about this so much, but iim always reminded of those pair of eyes watching my every move. Not in a creepy way, but a zoned out type of way. It's hard to explain.
Forgive me, I just kinda dropped in on this so I don't really know the whole story, but from what I can tell...if you're interested in her then there really isn't any solution besides simply talking to her. You shouldn't overanalyze things, trust me, it only ends badly. I mean by not talking to her you're not with her right? So if you talk to her, the worst thing that could happen is that you continue to not be with her. Then again, you may find that you just happen to hit it off...
it's not that easy for me. I need to build the courage to talk to her, i just don't know where i can find anything to make just walk up there and talk to her. She's very shy....
Aye man, we all just need to have those moments where we don't think about the possible outcomes, but instead we just charge right into the chaos and improvise from there. This will also make you seem more confident, which I hear is attractive to girls. ;D
I don't know if i can do that straight off, my knees start shaking when im around alot of girls i don't know around me. When you walk up to one girl, more of them are around somehow.
I hate it when they travel in packs. You have to strike when one becomes separated from the herd, because that's when they're most vulnerable. Some of the lone-wolf ladies are kinda scary though, so watch yourself. ;D
