Said: Did you want that report done by the end of this week or the next? Meant: I wish you'd be more specific about instructions. It's really irritating when you dump me with assignments and then mumble vague, wishy-washy statements. I don't read minds. Said: I actually ate a huge meal right before I came over, but thanks!
Said: I actually ate a huge meal right before I came over, but thanks! Meant: Your food smells like crap. No thanks. Said: Wow, you look, uh... tired.
Said: What amazing views. Meant: What an oppressive, sexist and racist moron. I didn't know people like that still existed. Said: I think you should probably get going now.
What was said: I think you should probably get going now. What was meant: You've over stayed your welcome. Please leave. Now! What was said: I believe I waited for over an hour for you yesterday!
What was said: I believe I waited for over an hour for you yesterday! What was meant: I never showed up either but my friend said you didn't come, so now I'm mad at you. What was said: I use lotion for my dry skin.
Said: I use lotion for my dry skin. Meant: Stop flaking your dandriff everywhere. It's absolutely disgusting and now I'll have to dust and vacuum after you leave. Said: Um...I have a drain cleaning tool that works pretty well if you want to have it.
What was said : Um...I have a drain cleaning tool that works pretty well if you want to have it. Meant: That old thing? Yeah, good luck trying to get it to work. Said: She's such a fantastic artist.
Said: She's such a fantastic artist. Meant: I've never heard that person's name in my life, but you seem to think she's the greatest singer on the planet, so I'll nod and agree so I don't get a lecture on how great she is. Said: Now, students, smoking is bad for your health.
Said: Now, students, smoking is bad for your health. Meant: I'm sure you've already heard this a million times. If you're a smoker by now, hearing this isn't going to change your mind, but I'm a teacher, so I have to state the obvious anyhow. M'kay? Said: Well, of course I always pay people back...
What was said: Well, Of course I always pay people back... Meant: Don't worry I'm in the habit of keeping my promises...but obviously you arn't. So get your head in gear! What was said: Are you sure we should be doing this?
What was said: Are you sure we should be doing this? Meant: No, but wouldn't it be a good idea to see the look on your friend's face after she finds out that we are "a couple" What was said: Purple is totally your color!
What was said: Purple is totally your color! What was meant: Take that thing off. You'd look better nude. What was said: You should so send that to a publisher!!
What was said: You should so send that to a publisher! Meant: Send that to a publisher to humiliate yourself becausr your piece totally reeks. What was said: The blue top really bring out the colour of your cool eyes.
Said: The blue top really bring out the colour of your cool eyes. Meant: Hey, Mr. too cool for school why don't you take off those dang sunglasses - we're in an elevator! Said: I sure wish I could have tasted that new recipe of yours before the dog got at it.
Said: I sure wish I could have tasted that new recipe of yours before the dog got at it. Meant: I sure wish I could have tasted that new recipe of yours sooner - so that I could confirm my suspicions that it was more suited to the dog anyway. Said: Harvesting grapes doesn't compare to the joy I'd find in massaging your elbows.
Said: Harvesting grapes doesn't compare to the joy I'd find in massaging your elbows. Meant: Harvesting grapes doesn't compare to the joy I'd find in massaging your elbows - because harvesting grapes would make me so much happier than doing the hideous latter option instead. There is very little joy in massaging your wrinkly elbows. Said: I think that you should probably go home to your wife - This is wrong.
Said: I think that you should probably go home to your wife - This is wrong. Meant: shouldn't have put my glasses on. Said: take a left, then a right, then another right, take the fourth exit on the left, and you should be there.
Said: take a left, then a right, then another right, take the fourth exit on the left, and you should be there. Meant: I don't know how to get there, but I feel like it would be rude to refrain from trying to help. Said: Your voice doesn't match your look.
Said: Your voice doesn't match your look. Meant: Especially with your mismatched wardrobe. Said: You eat pastrami with that?
What was said: I took a lovely stroll today. What was meant: I'm a loser with no friends and nothing to do, so I had to do *something* before I died of boredom. For the next poster: Will you marry me?
Said: Will you marry me? Meant (male): Let me have you as a trophy. Meant (female): Enough with your lies, deceive and flirting, let me really show you what mental torture is with my nagging and complaints. Said: Been there, done that.
Said: Been there, done that. Meant: I really, really do not want to hear about your personal story, and do not want to give you any insight to your dilemma. Said: Your baby is the prettiest baby I've ever seen!
What was said: Been there, done that. What was meant: This didn't end well the first time and I highly doubt it will end well this time. For the next poster: Of course, I understand.
