"The houses looked less like houses, and more like " It makes sense but....for me, personally, it doesnt read well. Sounds awkward. For example: ''The cats looked less like cats, and more like little, wrinkled women.'' (Makes sense, but sounds awkward.) ''The cats looked like little, wrinkled women.'' (basic similie) ''The cats were little wrinkled women.'' (basic metaphor) ''The cats snuggled against each other, like little, wrinkles women.'' (rephrased with simile) Which of these do you think reads the best? The last sentence reads the best for me because it doesnt waste any words, more information is conveyed and it flows better than the other sentences. Now I know you are not writing about cats, but just consider what I wrote here in relation to your houses.
Henry...you do realize that you put commas in places that they're entirely unnecessary right? 'Cuz you definitely don't need them when using a simile. Other than that, good point. There's no need to tell us that the houses look less like houses...rather, tell us what they look like straight off the bat. ~Lynn
What I have found to be the best way to cure writers block/description problems is to just sit down and force yourself to write. You can't get anywhere when your not moving forward. "...turtles?"
The trash heap of wannabe houses were scrapped together using old wood, sheet metal, car parts, and whatever they could get their hands on, as if an intelligent tornado swept through a junkyard and built old Jerusalem. Some of the forts slanted and were propped up with car bumpers and beams. I have a more casual writing style. Maybe you could use some of the ideas.
I, personally, like this phrase because it's very. . . humanizing. A person might say that, particularly in a first-person novel where the narrators voice is the same as the protagonist. Take a conversation, for example: Protagonist: I was walking through this neighborhood, and the houses were awful! Other person: Really? What was it like? Protagonist: It's hard to explain, but it was bad. The houses looked less like houses, and more like stacked junk that fortuitously took the shape of piteous buildings. Other person: Wow. . . that is bad. Sounds good, to me.
i like that example, Atari perhaps its my minimalistic approach in writing that tends to veer away from things like, 'houses looked less like house...' where i'd go.. the house, stacked junk that fortuitously....' but i do like your approach here.
Atari, but who talks like this? that fortuitously took the shape of piteous buildings. I have never in my life met someone that would say something like that, hehe.
So true architectus. Why do we insist on putting words in our dialogue that we'd never say in a million years in real life? I wanna know the answer to that! ~Lynn (Heh, wanna didn't get a red mark under it...my day has been made perfect now)
Whenever I get stuck on description, instead of wracking my brains trying to figure out what to write and how to describe something, I leave it alone and move on. Since I know where I'm going, I wouldn't want to lose track of it, and sometimes, dwelling too much on how to describe/write one particular thing can make you forget what it was you were going to say afterwards. So I just leave it and make a note of it so I can go back to it at a later point in time. While I'm writing, my mind usually thinks of the description on its own, subconsciously I guess. Sometimes, it just hits me and I have to write it down immediately. Other times, it comes on me slowly. But that's my strategy. You can try it, it might just work for u
Where I live we have large communites living in the kind of conditions you've described. They neil together with leftover timber, plastis sheeting, corrugated iron sheets, a pole in the middle of the structure to keep the makeshift roof up. They call them shacks and the people living in them shack dwellers. The houses looked less like houses, more like shacks. [how about maheshift dwellings?] As to your first question: At a workshop I attended years ago I was told, "Get the text out first". take care vanhunks
thanks for the thoughts.. I have changed it from the houses look less like houses but more like.. to the houses look like.. I think it does make more sense...however I think with where the description was in the chapter it fit either way...but I think I do like it better with the shorter version.
Hey, I would LOVE to use that sentence in real life, if I could bring the words to mind quickly enough to say it aloud. (I did, after all, in this very thread, use two different similes to describe the place, and they came from my own mind without consulting any sort of lexicon or thesaurus)
Hi everybody this is my first post, and I'm a first time writer! I have a million questions but I'll start with one When writing I find myself wondering whether I should add more description and then stumbling around trying to think of more to say. So my question is ... Should I just get down on paper what I'm thinking of at the time and then come back and review, and then perhaps but not necessarily add more description? I'm worried that I'm trying to add more to the story and perhaps make it more complex than it needs to be, because I've no experience of writing? Any thoughts would be very welcome and I hope I can in time also contribute. Simon
Hi Tesoro, Is the worry 'that it's not enough' common? As a new writer I have no idea whether there is a particular style or process required or whether it really is just as simple as 'doing my own thing' and then seeing what people think when they read it? Simon
Read, read, read, read, read...write, write, write, write, write...submit, submit, submit, submit. Somewhere in all that you will find your voice. Good luck and try to remember to have fun.
There are writers that make the characters' environment an essential part of the story, kind of like a character, too, like in Carl Rux's "Asphalt". A lot of description isn't bad; you can even use it as a plot technique for foreshadowing. Like, say, in your story, there's an old gun on the lead character's wall. Later, the lead character and the antagonist can get in a fight and the lead character (or the antag) can take the gun from the wall and--well, you get the gist. Description of the characters, the environment, etc, can really help to set a certain mood, too. Describing for the sake of descriptions seems kind of superfluous to me. Though I guess it depends on your characters and your story and the tone of it. Also, most new writers that I know--that includes me--consciously or unconsciously copy the styles of their favorite authors until they find a voice of their own. That doesn't come until later unless you're gifted with a natural voice, so I wouldn't be too discouraged if it takes a little (or a lot) of time. When I was thirteen I tried to write like Nabokov. The outcome wasn't pleasant. But roll with it! And have fun!
When I write I often use generic descriptions on the first draft so I can get the story out, all my grass is green, skies are blue and people can only shrug, nod, laugh or cry. It isn't until after I get the whole story down that I bother filling in description. If I worry about it when I'm writing I forget to actually write the story. I can't seem to plot and describe at the same time. And I'd like to believe I'm not alone in this problem.
You are definitely not alone. I'm a first time writer and my approach has so far been exactly like this. I don't want to spend too much time lovingly describing scenes that I'm just going to end up cutting anyway. I see myself going back, after my draft is done, and "enriching" the story by adding appropriate descriptive material. I want to make the reader feel as if he or she is standing in my world next to my characters, and I think good descriptive material is a big part of that. I have added descriptive material to certain scenes and, for me, I've found that a little goes a long way. A few well placed words and phrases can have a transformative effect on the story. Yet it's also easy to overdo it. This is probably a matter of taste and style, and also skill (or lack of it in my case), but I find a large amount of descriptive material distracting and, in extreme cases, downright pompous.
Just write a lot. I was looking over some of the stuff I wrote when I was 14 and my goodness was it bad! It was really very bad writing, but you could see the effort, the playing with words, all the little techniques and devices I'd come across in other novels that I'd decided to use in my own. You could see how hard I was trying, thinking of new and elaborate words absolutely everywhere trying to perfectly describe or conjure something to the point of overloading the paragraph with way too many adjectives. And now it's 10 years on and I'm working on my own novel. I've come a long way since then But would I be here now, if I didn't have all those years of playing, experimenting, and simply writing for pure pleasure? No, not really. So stop worrying and get writing. Read lots of good books, steal things you like and try and use it in your own work. You won't get it perfect first time but who cares? Practice makes perfect.
Read...Write a lot, review your writing and then go on. It's dependent on flow and style, but you are bound to discover all this as you continue to be more experienced.
People always tell me to not add description unless it adds to the plot. But I think that it would serve more than a plot function, to give an insight into the world you've created for example.
