Of course, that will likely require a dose of empathy and understanding if the characters are to be anything more than stick figures plastered over with the writer's own biases...
And if you can do that, likely you'll find your relationship problems greatly diminished... a trick I should use one of these days.
My girlfriend of seven months broke up with me the other day. She had been off with me for a couple weeks, I messaged her asking what was going on and the conversation ended with her just saying she wanted to be friends, which I have seen nothing that would suggest that. I miss her like crazy and what I would like most is to start over and do everything that I did wrong right.
Good idea - but you may need to get used to the fact that the starting over will be with a different person. Watch the old patterns as they reassert themselves, nudge yourself in what you feel is the right direction. For many of us, it's like a little tug boat trying to guide the Titanic into dock - getting the old history to rewrite itself... It won't be "getting everything right" but it will be growth in the right direction.
I've gone from the self pitying (still some self-loathing but that's been there for ages) and it's sort of converted itself to being angry at her? There are a few reasons, and it's making dealing with this a little easier. I find it funny how much she was saying she just wanted to be friends again which I've started to think is better than nothing, yet any conversation I have with her is shot down within minutes. I'm moving on now I guess. I'm keeping busy and I'm happiest when I'm with friends who don't ask about her.
How do you deal with this? My Mom constantly starts arguments in our household 99% of the time, and then afterwards blames everybody else and starts saying that "she's tired of the arguments", yet she is the source of all of them.. So, how is that an excuse? "Im tired of arguing", if she creates them?
Does your mother have understandable reasons to fly off the handle? e.g. Is your mom constantly picking up after everyone? Does she have rules that no one adheres to? Do you think that maybe she feels as if she is endlessly talking to a brick wall? Do you as a family, pull together to help her with the household chores? If it is none of the above, then does she have money problems (it can be difficult balancing the family budget)? You need to look at the above and if none of these Qs fit the situation then maybe she is depressed. The Qs above are for you only, don't answer them here on the forum. As a gesture to how much she means to you, why not buy her a bunch of flowers or a box of chocolates.
She tells me to go die in a fire and wished I was never born because that's how she acts when she gets angry, and most of the time, she puts herself into those kind of moods willingly. She did it with her ex-boyfriend, and he grew tired of her attitude and then he moved out. So I don't know if flowers is deserving at the moment..
does your mom have a mental, drinking, or drug use problem? do you have a school counselor, family doctor, or preacher/priest/rabbi/whatever you can talk to about this? love and hugs, maia
I found out that my brother stole three hundred sixty bucks from me. Probably not a big thing compared to some of the problems listed in this thread, but man it feels weird to me. I'm a paranoid bastard with social anxiety and trust issues, and he was one of the very few people I trusted. Damn.
^ I have social anxiety and trust issues too so I have an idea about how that'd make you feel. That really sucks he did that to you. You won't be able to trust him again soon but hopefully in time he can gain your trust again. And he better give you back that money!
^ ^ While I'm not one for dragging a family member to court to wring that 300 bucks back, I'd definitely confront him about what he did and why he did it. There may be a reasonable explanation behind his actions (although you should make it clear that there is no excuse for stealing from you). If he cannot afford to pay you back immediately, then try to work out a way so you could get it back (like monthly payments or something.) It always sucks when it's a family member.
He's a junkie. He quit a while back but apparently he's back on it. He was selling his shit to pay me back (guitar, video games, ect.) but my mom covered his ass and bailed him out, which I disagree with, but I have my money back at least. Anyway, what she did sent the wrong message in my book. He needs to learn how to deal with the consequences of his fuck-ups. Mommy and daddy aren't always going to be there to save his ass, and she completely absolved him of any responsibility in dealing with this. Maybe he was commited to paying me back, he sold his guitar after all, but he was allowed an easy way out (plus my mom got his guitar back for him). I'm not sure he learned anything from all of this, other than that he can do these types of things with minimal consequences. I haven't told my dad about this yet because I wanted to handle it myself, but now I think it's best that he knows. My brother needs help, and this will be the second time he's had to "quit" heroin. For the record, I wasn't going to call the cops on him, bring my dad in to mediate, or hit him (been there before). I just wanted him to give me back my money. We'll see what happens next.
Sorry I know I'm sort of intruding in your life here, but... My family lived in near-poverty after we moved to Long Beach, California, and we ended up in a gang-infested neighborhood. A lot of my childhood friends turned to gangs and/or drugs, and now I don't know what happened to any of them. We moved away after a shooting occurred between Mexican and Asian gangs, which killed two of our neighbors. But I made it a choice not to go down the same route as those people. I honestly believe that being a "junkie"/gang member/etc. is a matter of choice. I know that sometimes people have it tough and can be brought very, very low, but your bro seriously needs to understand that there are no free passes in life. I think you're doing right thing by trying to knock some sense into him. But what concerns me the most is that your mom doesn't seem to see that her unbending support for him is harmful. At this rate, he'll never, ever change... Who knows what'll happen if he can't leech off of you guys anymore? Anyway, I know I'm butting in, but you need to get your dad involved. Everyone in the family should know about a matter as serious as this.
Heroin is an appalling drug, and one of the most difficult habits to shift. Most of my clients are heroin addicts, and even with methadone/subutex prescriptions and dedicated support centres they really, really struggle because they don't have someone they love at their side. Most have committed burglary many times to fund their habits, simply because they think there's no other way. Support your brother. The plan you had before sounds like a decent way of working. Get him to pay you back bit by bit, and help him through his trials. If he ends up withdrawing, sit by his side and let him know that someone's with him. Maybe him having someone at his side will help him more than someone demanding that he return the money he took. He'll have someone to prove himself to, and something to work towards. If he lets you down in the future it'll hurt, but it'll also hurt him and give him a spur to change his ways.
Yeah, man. I guess it's a matter of seeing how things play out for now. My dad knows. He may send my brother to counciling or rehab. I think the problem with that is that my brother lives with in an apartment with a couple of low-lifes (his girl may be on junk for all I know). Anyway, sending him to rehab may end up being a waste of money if he falls right back in with the same crowd. He needs to move away or join the military or something. He needs something to motivate him, something that he will want bad enough to abandon his habit, like you mentioned, Dante. I don't feel as raw about it now, and I'll try to chat with him a bit next time I see him. The problem with my brother is that he's always been arrogant. Knowing him, I figure that he tried heroin with with the attitude that he's above it, that he's too smart to fall victim to addiction like everyone else. Wrong. I think he'll regard my advice with a little bit of indignation, as if I'm patronizing him. I'll try to be as casual as possible. He just needs some kind of goal- a goal that can't be achieved while he's on junk, and he has to want it bad.
Well there's my writing and my life. The two do not mix. By May when I switch to pre med I'm guessing I'll have to drop the writing entirely if I really wany to give it my all. I mean I don't even have the option of failing or I'll get kicked out Plus the tuition is kind of high but my parents are gonna pay it anyways and that also worries me. I'm going to a medical uni in the Caribbean but no one hardly ever has anything good to say about that. It worries me that after all the sacrifice on my parents part, things might not end up as well as we thought. Right now I'm still at home but I'm attending a university and studying full time optometry, I hate it here, it might have something to do with the fact that my parents won't let me move into the hostel or maybe the uni just sucks completely. I've had to write since I got in in November -right out of highschool -_-because sometimes I just get depressed I know there are a lot of people who'd give an arm to be where I am but I don't think I was ready. The fact that I'm suddenly responsible for my life kinda smacked me right in the face, there are so many "what-if's" What if I'm not smart enough? If I sacrifice some time for writing, what if I'm still not good enough? I need to get to the med school for the summer semester, what if the visa isn't out by then? I've already deferred the admission once, plus my father isn't even completely okay with sending his 17 year daughter away to another country to get a first degree. I don't want to let anyone down. Even if both my parents are doctors and they can afford it, what if the value of our currency drops really low, what then? its already a dollar to 156 naira. I've got my first semester exams coming up in March and frankly I don't even know were my head's at. i try not to think about it, then I write. Then I start thinking I should have been studying instead. Right now, I spend the bulk of my time in the library struggling with my Physics courses because our lecturers suck, I don't even attend class anymore, yeah that sounds bad... Both my parent's didn't have a cushy childhood so they think things like writing or drawing are a complete waste of time, not that I've asked them. I won't say they forced me into choosing a medical career but I can't deny that their method of persuasion was kind of brutal. They just gave me the "you're on your own after university" speech and then left me to it. I understand they want the best for me but I don't think being a doctor will make me as happy as being a writer. But then again I'm not even sure I'm that good a writer or will even become one because I find it nearly impossible to get my self together in time to do some writing research. I've given myself between now and May, i don't think med school and writing mix, I don't know what I will choose or if I can even make that choice anymore. I just keep praying that God does something else I'm really screwed. Yeah plus I think there's something wrong with me, like really wrong.
Fei im going to pray for you. I'm sure God has some sort of plan in mind and you're just in that place where things are very tough at the moment, and eventually you'll find your way out and everything will fall into place.
Jesus, someone in my school killed himself today. We weren't close or anything, we spoke once or twice but that's the closest to home it's ever hit. I've got friends who knew him better, too, no clue how they're feeling - some of them I was meant to be seeing tonight at a club. Anyone reading this, at all who thinks they want to end their life, please talk to someone.
I'm really sorry to hear that AltonReed. I can't imagine what that must be like, even if you were not close.
That's horrible. I know how hard it is to move past something like this. I've experienced something similar. Back in middle school, there was a girl who sat in front of me in science class (we had assigned seats). She was gone a few days, and I thought she was sick or something and would return soon. After a few days we found out that she had committed suicide. Even though we weren't close, it was still tough to deal with. For the rest of the year there was an empty seat in front of me, so it was hard not to think about her.
