Thank you, this made a lot of sense to me. I suppose this is exactly me, although I wouldn't like to admit it as I've been reading and writing for years. I am a laymen, and although I thought I had a basic grasp of what was good and what was not I didn't always know why. As the person I am, I do prefer what would be deemed borderline purple prose. I prefer excessive description to what I feel is ABC writing with no description at all, but that's just me. I came to this site to improve my own work as I knew something was wrong with it, I just didn't know what. Hopefully I'll find out and learn how to find a middle ground between what I want to do and what I should do.
Ahhhhh. I see! You're right, I never realised that before but yeah, as a reader said is invisible isn't it, it just sort of gets washed along with the flow of the story. Thank you! When I write something, I see a very clear picture in my head, almost like a film. And I'm all about the tiny expressions people make. When their voice turns to a whisper for instance because something the other person said has devastated them. So, is it wrong to write the dialogue tag as 'she whispered,' or to include a line about her voice ' Her voice was barely audible,' or just not describe it all? And I don't describe it at all, how can make the reader think her voice has changed without actually saying it? Could you give me an example? It'd be MUCH appreciated x
Richard's voice dropped to a whisper. "You see that guy over there?" he said. I'd imagine something along those lines would do fine.
Thanks for the example. I do see what you mean, definitely. The second line does sound much better. So, the golden guideline here is show, don't tell? If describing a depressed person walking down the street, I wouldn't write, she walked slowly down the street, right? Well, usually I'd use something like; She padded down the street, or traipsed, are these words adverbs too? This is exciting. I actually feel I'm beginning to understand some of these guidelines.
Ah, great. So something like, Her voice was barely audible when she spoke. The impact of his previous words literally taking her breath away. " Then leave me," She said. Would this work? Is it too wordy? I TOTALLY see now how saidis this invisible word someone mentioned earlier. Totally. You really don't see it in a sentence.
I prefer long sentences, broken with a comma but someone one here said that was a comma splice and I didn't quite understand.
those authors and many others of their bestselling ilk are far from being 'good writers'... they are merely 'successful authors'... garbage sells well in this human world where hype can trump artistry so easily... and quickly... that doesn't mean the swill selling like hotcakes is digestible or good for one's aesthetic health... junk reading, like junk food, is popular, but not recommended as a steady diet, if one wants to be mentally/intellectually fit...
I think I'd rather churn out pulp crap and make millions, THEN write something artistic with the security of a safety net! The whole starving artist bit is overrated anyway
If the sentence makes sense without the comma'd section, then it's been used accurately. Sometimes rules are made so rigid on this site, and paralyzing, that aspiring writers never get off the ground.
Ahhh! I get it, I think lol. She walked down the road, stopped to look up at the buildings < this is a comma splice right? She walked down the road, stopping to look up at the buildings < and this is correct? I've probably still got it wrong. This is so confusing lol I didn't know there were so many "rules," lol It drives me insane really but I'm already starting to understand from the reviews I recieved from one of my posts.
I would go with the second sentence, yes. And there are a lot of grammatical rules; very few rules (if any) for writing. Those are, again, typically guidelines, and writers disagree on them most of the time. It may already have been said here, but if not - Guidelines get stated quite stridently for the benefit of beginning writers because they are the ones who typically make the referenced 'errors' - and repeatedly. With experience comes the ability to adjust those guidelines for the benefit of the story.
I'm always fascinated when someone makes it sound like an either/or proposition. It makes it sound like making millions is easy. It isn't. It also makes it sound like starving is the only way to produce quality work, which is just silly.
As for Fifty Shades, my wife borrowed those books from my sister. Both thought the writing was poor, and they are not avid readers. The way they were described to me, those books seem like a cross between 9 1/2 weeks, a harlequin romance, with the fringes of the "Alternative" lifestyle thrown in for excitement. The best I can hope for from my writing is to turn my hobby into my source of income. If I make more from writing than working my 9-5, I'll write full time. Until then, its my hobby, and I love it.
actually a better use would be: Orderlies rushed the chamber down the corridor, emptied of personnel before they arrived, as nurses monitored the patient’s condition, which they reported, in rapid-fire fashion, to the accompanying doctors. In this sentence, while long and flowing, the sections in bold are what I mean by how comma's work in sentences. Take out each bold section, and the sentence still makes sense. It would read: Orderlies rushed the chamber down the corridor as nurses monitored the patient's condition, (have to use one with the word WHICH) which they reported to the accompanying doctors.
When you've been on as many writing forums/online discussions as some of us, you'll understand the necessity of smileys to get the point across. It wouldn't surprise me in the least for your comments to have been totally serious - seen it before.
I think a good writer is someone that can keep one engaged in the story. The story must flow and he must have a distinct style.
I'd say that refraining from purple prose is not at all the same as refraining from description. For example, the book I'm reading now, _The Watersplash_ by Patricia Wentworth, has the following description: She walked well, and she pleased the eye in the sort of impersonal way that it is pleased by any other feature of the landscape. A purely surface impression, but definitely pleasant. It was not until a minute or two later that the personal element began to intrude, not with any degree of insistence, but as a vague feeling that he had seen that straight fair hair before. It was very straight except just at the ends, and it was very fair and very thick, and it was cut in a pageboy bob. When nearly every girl you saw had curls all over her head, you were apt to remember the one who hadn't. This is, IMO, far more interesting than a description full of rippling-sunshine hair and fathomless blue pools as eyes and repeated protestations of how breathlessly beautiful the girl is. I'm not saying that this author is a genius, but she's good, IMO. She wrote pleasing and enjoyable mystery cozies around the time of WWII, and I enjoy reading her books (32 were published) even today.
I was fascinated by why this particular paragraph grabbed me. I still don't know what the girl's face looks like, or her skin colour, or whether she was smiling or frowning or angry or flirting or drunk. But I know an awful lot about her hair! Not only that, I feel like I'm in the observer's head. There is some strong point of view happening here, hinting at previous encounters, and yet I only know the observer is a man because of the one sentence "but as a vague feeling that he had seen that straight fair hair before". The other thing is that this paragraph grabs me with such a strong description of her hair, that it tells you the observer is in a contemplative mood and has the time to reminisce and ponder these things. The plot isn't rushing into action yet. The storyteller is taking her time to develop his thinking by describing her hair. I don't know what others think, as I'm not a professional writer and don't think I can write like this author, but it's confident storytelling. It leaves me wanting to know what it is all about. Lastly, and this is a little silly, but something in this writing reminds me of some cyberpunk novels I've read, like William Gibson. But it's obviously not that genre!
They know the right people and wrote the right things at the right time. And were humble enough to look for help. A lot of help.
