Hi there! My name is Georgie and I'm new to the forum here. I'm not sure exactly where to post this, but I'll start here. Basically, I'm in need of some help when it comes to structuring this story I'm writing; I wouldn't necessarily call it a novel, but from my projections it will be far too long to be considered a short story or novella. I have the basic gist of the story, but there are some bits in the middle that I need some help with. So, here's a basic summary: On November 22nd, 2019, all the students at Golden Oak High School receive an anonymous email sent by one student who says that in exactly 24 hours they will take their life... unless anyone can figure out who they are (this is their way of showing and/or proving in their mind whether or not anyone really cares). The story is split between narrators –think somewhat in the vein of Tommy Wallach's We All Looked Up– with each person joining together in an attempt to figure out who sent the email before they commit suicide. My intent was for it to be somewhat of a mystery/thriller, with the audience pretty much only knowing as much as the characters and having to draw conclusions for themselves before the character is revealed at the end (after they take their life). Here's the deal though: I really want to drop details and explain the story of the character who dies, but I also want the clues to be subtle enough that it's not super obvious who it is. Does that make any sense? Like, I want there to be little clues peppered throughout the story, but I also have this complex backstory for the character who dies that I really don't want to have to cram into the last few chapters (that are told from their point of view after their death). Can anyone help me out? Thanks so much in advance, Georgie
Sounds like a classic mystery. "You have 24 hours to determine who sent this email." You don't want the POV character to be the sender because you would have to hide their thoughts. One way of doing it is to have multiple characters who might have sent the letter: depressed, suicidal, or trolling types who might even say they sent it, but didn't. As the clues drop, the reader can start checking characters off the list.
You need a bit of drama as well, which can pull out the clues. If you don't have that drama, then your story has no re-read value. You also have to think about why the students would care enough to try and solve the mystery, but not care enough to forward the email to the principal or police. If I received an email like that, my first thought would be that it was a gag. What would be the thing that would prevent students from thinking that? My second thought (as heartless as it might sound) would be not my problem or the even worse sounding well I guess I'll find out who it was tomorrow. I would think that perhaps putting a few characters together so that they have a sense of group responsibility to investigate. Maybe a group of kids hanging out together after school, it'll both help add the interpersonal drama and allow for deeper backstory without giving too much away.
Thanks for the feedback so far @newjerseyrunner and @John Calligan! I realize now I should have elaborated more on the plot of the story. For one thing, the email was sent to the whole school, including staff (one of which is the teacher that the girl, her name is Delphi, who killed herself had a crush on, who is one of the narrators), and the whole school goes into lockdown once all of the students have arrived, with bag checks and locker checks to try and prevent this anonymous person from taking their own life. Delphi actually kills herself in the women's restroom of the school at exactly 12:00 AM while everyone else is still in lockdown because no one was able to figure it out in time. The narrators I have so far are as follows: Calvin, who sexually assaulted Delphi while drunk 3 years ago and doesn't remember, who leads the hunt with his friend Beta, who is also a narrator and was Delphi's ex-boyfriend. Beta is very technologically advanced and is the one who helped Delphi learn the ins and outs of technology, which she uses to send the email that he now has to undo. The teacher is also another narrator, who Delphi had a crush on and was the one who reported the fact that Delphi self-harmed to the school counselor. There is one more narrator named Caroline, who kissed Calvin (who has a girlfriend) a few months prior, but I'm not entirely sure how she's gonna connect to Delphi. I want these people to reveal how they're connected to her without it being blatantly obvious that she's the one who's gonna kill herself. Should I put in a red herring? And how do I fit these details in there without it being like a gigantic glowing arrow pointing to Delphi? Thanks so much!
Kids are dramatic and awkward. Doesn't matter how cool they seem externally, they're unsure of themselves and hiding emotional pain. It's unavoidable due to the fact that the brain simply doesn't know what to do with its new mix of hormones. So add a lot more personal pain for each character. Calvin was getting black-out drunk 3 years ago? At most that would make him like 15 at the time? Why is a 15 year old that drunk? High school kids don't get trashed the way college kids do unless there is a reason for it, or they are used to it (which would point to its own problems.) What was going on then? Is it still going on? Parent's divorce / death? Beta could be bullied. All kids get some level of ragging on. Some kids take it in stride, some kids take it very personally. What caused him to escape into technology? Was he just alienate because he's smart? I imagine a little geeky twerp. I think the teacher has the most room for an interpersonal backstory. Abusive home life, drug problems, things from her past. Maybe she's a former soldier haunted by flashback of war. Caroline could be anyone. Maybe her successful parents put huge amounts of pressure on her for straight As and to be accepted to Harvard. My point is that there are a lot of stressors that could push a kid to suicide. You should provide a potential out for each one of them, but make them all extremely different. The most obvious thing to me would be the way that the suicidal girl would present herself. The instant she separates herself from the group, she's a suspect. If she seems like she's not investigating seriously, I'd assume it's because she already knows the answer. I would think that her actions would indicate an extreme level of apathy and depression. She would not view it as a game, or take part in an investigation to throw someone off. Depressed people simply don't care, and you may have a hard time hiding that aspect from the reader. One thing that's consistent though is that there is always a trigger. Nobody, even depressed people just decide to end it. Something happens that causes them to go over the edge. It may not be obvious, or even ever known to anyone else, but it's there if you dig deep enough.
Oh! I almost forgot Madison, who is Delphi's ex-best friend who ditched her after stopping her from going through with a suicide attempt a year earlier and deciding she couldn't deal with being Delphi's therapist all the time. The thing is, the story is being told through third-person limited, with the chapters being split between which character we can hear the thoughts of, and the plan was to have them all work together to try and solve the mystery, so none of them can really be a suspect. I just don't really know how to introduce Delphi without it making. her an obvious suspect, but I also am not sure how to throw people off the scent.
Is it possible to hve her have been hiding the pain for some time, or the cause be a sudden stressor that nobody is aware of. I know of two kids from my high school class who died by suicide. One, nobody was surprised by but the other came way out of left field.
That could work, but I also don't want to get to this big reveal and have everyone be like "What? From where did that come? Who is this chick?" I want to leave the trail of breadcrumbs without implicitly saying "look at me placing these! Look over here!" Does that make any sense?
"Died by suicide" I'm glad you say it that way. People need to understand that's the right way of thinking about it.
I don't know if this helps anyone wrap their head around this, but I was reminded of this short film that sort of works in the same way that I'm hoping for my story. It was called Evan and came out last year. The film centered around a kid named Evan, obviously, who was communicating with a mystery person by writing on a desk in the library. They eventually meet but are interrupted by a kid who barges into the cafeteria with a loaded gun. They then flashback to moments throughout the film where they highlighted the evidence that this kid was planning a school shooting that you might not initially notice upon first viewing. That's the idea I'm trying to create with this story. I leave little hints about this one character without it being super obvious that there's a reason, and then at the end go back and replay those moments through her perspective. I want people to be able to come to correct conclusion beforehand if they're paying attention, but I still want the ending to be somewhat of a "twist", so I don't want to have the clues be so obvious. That's easy to do in cinematic pieces since you can sneak little details in the background that go completely unnoticed upon first viewing, but that's a lot harder to do in writing, since throwing in a random detail is immediately suspicious in the mystery genre. So I guess that's what I'm trying to get at; how to sneak into subtle details into the background of a novel without giving the ending away too much.
Very often, backstory is something for you to know--and eventually forget--and for the reader to wonder about. It may inform the actions of your characters during the story, but it probably won't come up, and it certainly won't be explained completely. Don't worry about it.
Hey guys! I came up with an iteration of the story that I thought might be a little easier to work with. Let me know if you think I should move in this direction! So basically the concept I came up with is one where the email only sent to specific people; only people that she has a history with. Like with @newjerseyrunner said in an older post, this would mean that there would be more ambiguity as to whether or not to tell people about it at all. It also allows for more backstory and character development, because each person has a history with Delphi, but it's something they don't want to acknowledge or share. One of them eventually lets the administration know about the email via an anonymous tip, which alerts the whole school. The group tries to step back into the crowd, unwilling to reveal their flaws with the whole school listening, which is ultimately what leads Delphi to kill herself; she believes that the only group of people she thought could help were ones who ultimately would rather let her die than reveal their secrets. Also, the email could be sent right after school the previous day, so that the school doesn't have to stay until midnight just to have a dramatic reveal. So... thoughts? Thanks again, guys!
My only thought is that I have trouble empathizing with Delphi. Seems like she's done kind of a shitty thing, trying to bully people into accepting public shaming to make her feel better. I feel the same way about that one with the audio tape--the TV show--whatever that was. 13 reasons why, I think. [Old man voice]: Back in my day, depression suffers were quietly miserable and self-medicated with gambling, liquor, and whoring. Now all of a sudden it's fashionable to feel like shit and everyone wants to do it in public.
I hear that, but Delphi's motivation isn't supposed to be that of blackmail. She has some connection to all of these people, which all seemed to end negatively (purely out of coincidence), but those were the only people she's ever really trusted before in her life. This isn't bullying, it's a cry for help. She thinks that the only people she's ever experienced a personal connection with; it just so happens that those people hide a secret about themselves that relates to her. They come to the conclusion that they have to share their stories in order to figure out who sent the email, but that's not Delphi's original intention. She just wants to know whether anyone cares.
I get that, but there's also a final chapter from Delphi's perspective that tells the events leading up to the email from her perspective, so while it may seem like she's trying to publically shame them, we actually get an insight into her point of view later on. Don't get me wrong, what she's doing here isn't a good thing, but my goal was to make it seem believable and to give her decent motivation and not create a situation where she looks like a bitch who wants attention.
Adding: Delphi's behavior is clearly and obviously self-destructive and toxic, which is accurate enough. That's how clinically depressed people act--which is to say that they act like fucking idiots. I only need to look back at my own life to know that's the case. Your challenge is in conveying this to an audience that does not or cannot understand why she behaves the way she does. (I have friends and family who to this day do not understand that what I "know" and what I know are two different things when they say, "But you know I care about you!") That's why I mentioned it. I just think that's the challenge you face with a character like that. You have to help your audience get into the shoes of someone whose brain just doesn't work the way theirs does.
Yeah, and that is the point of the final chapter. To get insight into how she actually feels, without revealing it before the end, where it's too late.
