I wrote about this when I was a teenager back on my windows 98 I just recently thought about this story and wanted to write more into it. This is just a sample I know their is several grammatical errors but I just wrote it fresh I was wondering if y'all think this is something I should keep doing or sort of let it fall. Isabella Today was the first day of school for Isabella she was not looking forward to it all summer she stayed home with her mom and baby brother and went to the movies with her friends Jess and Lynn it was relaxing and peaceful and away from her horrendous tormentors Brit and her brother Jason only best thing is going to be able to see Ethan. Ethan was tall tan and handsome with gorgeous green eyes his smile would melt her heart of course he would never smile directly at her she was invisible to him she was a short frumpy girl wore glasses and always had on baggy clothes for she felt uncomfortable in her skin her friends would always try to get her to change but she just didn't care to she didn't see the point. “Ugh I hate this place just think it's your last year izzy” Isabel mutters to herself as she walks up the grand entrance to her high school it felt as normal as any people people bumping into her ignoring her out of existence atlas she she's her best friends waiting for her in the lunchroom near the class sheets as Isabella was speed walking to her friends Brit was able to get her bullying started early she grabbed the soda can from her brothers hands ran opposite of Isabella and just smashed it directly into her chest “oops, sorry I didn't see you there” she says with a wicked smirk goes back to her brother whose laughing hysterically yelling “look the cows lactating” the whole lunchroom is in an uproar Isabella ran to the restroom away from her friends as they looked on in anger at Brit jess trying to go towards Brit Lynn holding her back. Isabella in the restroom this terribly small restroom disgustingly royal blue color paint chipped showing the previous yellow from last year. Jess and Lynn run in, “Oh my God that bitch!!” “I'm going to end up killing her Isabella” “I appreciate the sentiment” Isabella gives a small smile eyes watery, Jess goes up to her and hugs her “I'm so sorry this is happening already Izzy” Lynn comes from behind hugging both of them squeezing harder “she'll get hers one day” “here Izzy I brought an extra shirt you can wear it” she pulls out this low cut small shirt. Isabella just stares at it and laughs “oh no! I am not wearing that sleezy shirt I'd rather wear my soda stained shirt. “Izzy don't be rude!” Screeches Lynn “sorry Jess I appreciate it but..before she could finish Jess holds onto her shoulders “listen Isabella I know this isn't your taste in fashion, she frowns, but do you really want to wear THIS darting her eyes at her shirt drenched “as to where Britt can see and mock you for the rest of the day?”...” We still have 8 hours you know!.. “fine!” Says Isabella she grabs the shirt goes into the stall changes and gives out a huge holler of a laugh “I LOOK RIDICULOUS!!” she comes out Jess and lynn's jaws drop “you have to be kidding me I'd kill for your body izabella” says Lynn “I'd kill for your tits” Jess says mockingly pretending she's grabbing Isabella's breasts they all laugh *first Bell rings “shit!!! We can't be late for our first day” Lynn says “crap I have mr.henderson right now I heard he's a real hard ass” izabella hesitatant to get out of the restroom “ok y'all go I'mma just freshen up a bit I still feel a little sticky “okay Izzy love ya!! See you at lunch!! They all say their goodbyes, izabella stays staring at the foggy mirror in front of her her every being feels uncomfortable she is not used to showing any aspects of her body, as she turns the foset on she let's one tear go down the drain she's just dumb struck as to why Brit hates her Soo much she has never done anything to Brit they've never really crossed paths except for in class but even then izabella would keep to herself she shakes it off “fuck her Isabella she's not worth any tears” she turns off the water finish wiping down and heads out as soon as she opens the door she sees him.. Ethan he looks handsome as ever his golden locks all fit perfectly in his hairdo his sparkling green eyes radiate in any lighting his toned body showing through his fitted white button up shirt with rolled up sleeves he's leaning opposite of the girls restroom door surrounded by his many adoring fans, he's swindling a pen in his fingers he locks eyes with Isabella he almost stumbles the pen in his hand the girls chattering stops and glance angerily at Isabella for a moment Isabella's heart is racing 1000 beats per second she thinks “oh my God he's noticing me. It can't be!. He probably just heard what happened from his friend Jason and just wanted to see for himself……..wait did he just smile at me?!....can't be must be someone behind me” Isabella rushes off so she doesn't make even a bigger fool of herself. The day goes on as normal Isabella trying her hardest to lurk in the shadows as to not be seen in Jess's wardrobe isabella has gotten several whistles from passerbyers she was thinking it was the last of her worries with Britt and her brother hanging around. What she really wanted was to be able to see Ethan to see that smile, she was hoping it was for her that Ethan sees her but she dismisses the idea. Classes are going per the norm quick curriculum things Isabella loved her classwork it was a means of escaping from what is happening outside of class and Britt. Fourth period goes by in a quickness she's just eager to see her friends and talk to them about Ethan. As Isabella is walking out of class she sees Britt she tries everything in her power to avoid her but the hallway seems as if it's only them two, Britt locks on to Isabella as if she was a missile. Isabella just thinking “here she goes” Britt steps up to Isabella “sorry Cow for ruining your horrendous shirt but did you really have to go around and dress like a slut?” Says Britt as she smirks and tugs at the top of Isabella's shirt “take the higher road that's what Mom says take the higher road” Isabella thinks to herself. “Hellllooooo cow am I holding you from your fourth lunch?! Says britt as she is starting to get agitated that Isabella is not responding “sorry Britt I'm just not interested in any problems I borrowed this from a friend and I understand you accidentally spilt your drink on me but I have things to do so if you so kindly” Isabella gently pushes past Britt Britt trying her hardest to turn into a boulder in her way but she was a thin creature so Isabella was able to maneuver around her easily. Isabella takes a deep breath fast paced walks to the lunchroom where she sees her friends she waves them down they end up finding a nice little table outside with the sun glistening in their faces as soon as they settle after getting their trays Isabella busts out “Ethan smiled at me” both the girls gasp “shut up!” Ethan! Did you smile back what did you do please don't tell me you did something weird. Isabella smirks and throws a piece of apple at Jess no! I didn't I just walked away I didn't know if he really was smiling at me….before they can say anything Britt's brother comes up grabs the chair from another table and lurks over Isabella…..”wow look at those beauties” eyes locked into Izzy's breasts “why have you been hiding those sweater puppies?!” The girls roll their eyes Isabella pulls up her shirt as to try to hide her breasts. “Don't you have any other females to harass?” “Why would I want to when I see these big ol beauties staring at me from across the room?!” “Now look I know you want me and I want your tits go out with me this weekend were all going to the skating rink this weekend be my date? The girls look disgusted and look at Isabella. Isabella has a look of concern and anger she's never been asked out on a date before and she can't believe this asshat was the one to ask her. She gets up and walks away she hears Jacob in the background yelling out names but she doesn't bother she's upset and all she wants is for the day to be over and to go home and put back on her normal clothes. Jess and Lynn run up behind Isabella holdingarm in arm “I'm so sorry for this shitty school Izzy you've had the worst day!” “I wish I could trade places with you Izzy I'd kick all their asses” “it's ok the days almost over it could of gone worse “see Izzy this is why we love you so much you're our rock you're so mellow and calm you yang us out! They all laugh The day goes by quick finally it's time to get home the girls meet up one last time to say goodbyes and designate a time to talk on the phone they hug and Izzy is the first to be picked up she sits in the back her mom busy on her cellphone per the norm. Izzy's mom is a real estate agent the best in town Izzy's dad walked out on them when she was just a baby she doesn't ask her mom any question since her mom gets upset and thinks Izzy think shes not enough. “So how was school today hunny? “Oh it was great mom” “that's a cute top babe see you should wear clothes like that more often and maybe you can finally snag a date!” Her mom always wanted to pretend to be the cool mom since her mom was only 17 years older she had Izzy real young “I'm telling you Izzy….oh look isn't that Britt?! Izzy looks next to her Izzy in the passenger side her brother driving in their beautiful black Cadillac suv. Izzy quickly sliuches unable to lower the back window since her mom has a habit of putting the child lock “hey Britt honey how are you?!” Yells Izzy's mom over the loud music “oh hey Ms.brennen!!! I'm super awesome hey Izzy!! Love your shirt! Britt mockingly smile but Izzy's mom not noticing “oh honey one day you have to come by I just am in love with your makeup you need to teach Izzy “Izzy rolls her eyes unaware Britt saw for one moment she didn't care but then she thought about the months she has to deal with Britt Britt locks on a gaze to izzy as the light turns green “see you tomorrow izzy” she says with a gritty smile. Izzys heart sank almost as low as she sank into her seat. Izzy said nothing for the rest of the car ride her mom stayed on her Bluetooth headset.
I think you're going to need to reformat it--paragraphs, normal dialogue formatting, etc.--before it's really readable for comments.
Oh. I missed the fact that you're brand new. Right now, you won't qualify to use the Review Room, so don't format it in place--the thread may be locked and/or deleted. To use the Review Room, you need to have been here a certain number of days and to do two reviews for every piece you put up for review. I don't remember the number of days, offhand.
