all the things that were burried in his chest

Hello,

I'm writing a short romantic story. In it, a man is supposed to meet a girl he loved many years ago. He never had the chance to tell her how much he loved her.

I'm looking for a verb which means something remains inside a person and they can never express it. Can I use "bury"?

As he was heading to her house, he thought about all the "I love yous" that he could have yelled but were buried deep in his chest. He thought about all selfies that could have been taken with her but weren't. All the soft kisses that never happened. But the heck does it matter now? Maybe life wouldn't have been so dreamy even if he had got her.

I don't want it to be schmaltzy!

 

Bury is a good word for it. A synonym I quite like is shelter, or even conceal. In your context though, I think bury works perfectly and it flows without any issues.

If I may, though, I believe that...

...should be written as "Maybe life wouldn't have been so dreamy even if he had gotten her." (Hope I'm being helpful)

 

There's a problem with saying Buried and Chest together like that—you'll create an unintentional image like this:



I wouldn't say chest at all, I might change it to something like "So many words remained unspoken, still inside, still waiting to be released." Maybe something like "... all the words that had risen up long ago but were never spoken. They were still there, buried deep, and at his first sight of her they rose up again, clamored for release with all the same insistence, all the same power they had back then. How could she not hear them—how could everybody else not hear them? They resounded so loudly inside that he could hear nothing else, could think nothing else."

** Though now I see I used a lot of repetition of form in there. It definitely needs to be restated to be less awkward.

 

I agree - use something other than chest. Buried inside, buried in his psyche, just not chest. Doesn’t sound quite right.

 

What about "throat" instead of chest. Is that overly dramatic?

 

Could you please tell me what you think about this sentence I have written?

Will he get a chance to express all those feelings buried deep inside him before he draws his last breath? Will all those pent-up emotion come gushing out?

 

Should be emotions, with an S.

It works, but it sounds like he's moments away from death?

 

Inhumed within his breast.

 

Not necessarily moments away from death, but he is an old man who has been harboring feelings for her for many years.

Yes. That was a typo. Emotions.

 

It's a little wordy for my taste. As they are rhetorical questions, I imagine a more "spoken" or more conversational tone. What I mean is, I'd write a thing like this as it would be spoken, not written. Nobody would speak like that. I'd rephrase like this, for example:

Will he get to say all those things buried inside him before he breathes his last?

 

I'm assuming this is technically a word, though I've never heard nor seen it anywhere until this moment. But I am familiar with exhumed, which must be its opposite. Not a word I or anyone I know would ever use, in fact most of them probably never heard it. I only know Exhumed because I'm a word nerd.

Careful Al, you gotta watch that Kugelschrieber, he's a tricky one! He'll have you using words native English speakers have never heard of!

And yes! This:

 

I recently read it in Can You Forgive Her? That's the only time I've seen the word in print.

 

Interred in his thoracic cavity.