The book I'm writing has already finished the first draft, yay! but a major stumbling block i had in the first draft that has carried over to the second is finding a suitable non-cliched hero death scene. To elaborate further, my story is, for Japanese light novel readers, a well worn cliche in itself. The protag either transported or reborn in another world. The death scene therefore is not a climax, it's a flashback near the start of the book, of how the protag first died on Earth. Our current flashback essentially is: Protag has tracked down main villain. A third party of soldiers are also in the mix given that villain is a terrorist. Our protag has nothing to do with these soldiers, she just wants her own personal vengeance. Protag gets to villain, kills/maims him but wait! As Villain set up a time bomb, with bound children nearby. If he dies and she didn't notice it kills her. If she notices and tries to save children she can't, timer is on a short countdown. If she tries to defuse bomb, she can't, the main bomb is encased in concrete, and multiple auxiliary bombs are also connected to it (which she can defuse). At best she could probably save one, alone, but wait again! The soldiers, who by this point see her as non-threat agree to help her unbind and take the children out while protag disables the auxiliary bombs. Main bomb will go off but that will only be large enough to take out the main hall and small surrounding area, enough time for soldiers to escape. not enough for protag, who in the process of disarming secondary bombs to ensure the kids were safe, left herself with a couple seconds. She tries to jump through a window but the blast takes her out. The end of flashback. I asked on worldbuilding stack exchange, though granted with not as much written detail on my plot as above, and I got a general consensus (and rightly so) of too generic/cliche about bomb timer and such. Question: Suggestions on reworking how our protag dies a hero. it could be a completely different scenario but I'm stuck. I can't think of any others. Having villain win and kill her, not my jam. Getting shot, so meh. Other bomb ideas, can't think of any that isn't A. cliche, or B. not easily solvable with protag and a number of soldiers. I could ignore a third party and have her on her own, but can't think of a way where she wins AND dies at the same time that isn't anti climatic. She is suppose to be a bit of a bad ass that's survived A LOT so far, and to have her fall at the final hurdle to something simple is another huge cliche in of itself. It would have to be grand, something she hasn't come across before, large, and insurmountable, but how to do that AFTER she has also already won? Ideas anyone? i'm a bit lost at the moment.
This is where you need to examine your themes. What are you trying to say with this story? If the villain is reveling in how much the MC lost her humanity in chasing him down, but she chooses to save children instead of killing him, then he didn't win at all. In fact, you can now have one of those soldiers just killing him, because her maintaining her humanity is ultimately the more important thing.
Ah further elaboration. The protag is essentially the one to tortures/maims the villain for her act of vengeance. The children and bomb was just a final "fuck you" for if villain failed to survive, and as a unlikely possibility, a bargaining chip (though given how fervent she is for chasing him down, this was always unlikely). I'd say the villain isn't revelling in much of anything except fear. She is nicknamed a demon given her propensity for violence against the villains organisation. Though in the end we're still stuck with a cliched timebomb. And a timebomb with kids as a final fuck you still seems kinda meh. It may not be the climax, but it's important in the sense that we know how she dies, as she completes her final objective of vengeance. It's just hard to come up with a way to kill her off AFTER winning that isn't cheesy. She wins, then gets hit by a truck (If you know, you know), worse than a timebomb. Gets shot by the soldiers, makes no sense. Commits suicide, just no...
More about the themes- what is the character arc for this character? What are her biggest starting flaws, and what are her biggest motivators? The death scene could be a good way to explore both of these. What does reflecting on her death after the fact mean to her? Has it changed her, in her new life? Another thing- I don't know the context of the story, but does it actually need to be purely heroic? It can be a noble sacrifice, but maybe it's a situation she's forced into through her own doing? I'm just not sure what starting a story with "the protagonist is so heroic!" leaves in terms of future development. But I don't know the context, so I could be wrong. The time bomb children thing does feel a little cliche, but it also feels a little needlessly complicated. I think it might be easier to figure out first what you really want the scene to achieve, and then figure out how it can do that. Hope this helps/makes sense!
I'll be honest i didn't think too much about a "theme", short of person gets reincarnated into another life. Well okay it was a bit more deeper than that. There is most certainly a "theme" running through it. I would say it's probably about the protag finding her true self. Who is she? The girl from Earth or the girl from Skai (the new world)? Can she could to terms with who she used to be? etc. So in this case with the flashback (which by the way she forgets about shortly after since it's too early for her to remember. An assault causes the barrier in her mind to short circuit temporarily) it causes her to lose herself for a moment before the seal is restored, though I was just using the flashback as a device to just elaborate further on her backstory and how she died. That was really all there was to it in my head. I was going to leave it at that but i think best to write a bit more about the context: The prior chapter, the protag as a Dark Elf child, in an effort to protect her friends from some bullies gets smacked by the lead bully with a large stick across the head, this causes her to of course crash to ground almost losing consciousness, but before she does she hears words akin to a system stating that the seal has malfunctioned, the seal to her other worlds memories. Next chapter is the flashback of her old Human life on Earth and how she storms a compound, fights her way through, and gets to the villain, where she then loses her life after completing her personal mission after many years. The chapter afterwards, the memories causing her to lose herself, beats off the bullies before stopping short of killing one via her friends call to stop and the restoration of the seal. It will be a few chapters later only does she remember the full scope of her life which will change her permanently. Does her death need to be heroic? Nope. But I'd like it to be, as an author's preference, but I am looking for ideas hence my request for assistance
I think the reason you haven't gotten many responses is because the situation is so complicated and so specific. Plus you seem very quick to dismiss ideas as 'meh' or cliche or other things. It just feels like there's a super narrow margin for acceptable ideas, and I can't think of anything that would fit all the requirements. Did you talk about this story in here before? Now that you called her a Dark Elf I seem to remember discussing it with you some time ago. Yeah, this thread: Critique on two back cover blurbs for the same story Possibly reading that thread, which is about the same story, will help people understand the situation better. Ok, looking at that thread, I remember now, the person who dies at the beginning is the same person, the protagonist. After she dies she is reborn in a new world as a Dark Elf, with memories of being human in the other world (Earth I guess). But those memories are repressed, except when —I forget, something—oh, someone knocked her out with a stick. All of this is also very complicated, and you did get it across here, though pretty vaguely. I thought you were talking about two different people, one who had died, and then a different one who is now the protag.
Yup, you're right Xoic, same story, thanks for remembering It was pretty vague, but I wasn't sure I should be writing pages upon pages of exposition Still a death scene is still a death scene. I'd have been happy for just people to throw things around, even if my scenario was rather "specific". Even if the ideas didn't fit with my narrative, I'd have been happy to see some ideas thrown out and maybe get the creative juices flowing. Maybe pick and mix good ideas here and there and try to form something cohesive or mayhaps even change how the protag dies completely. Maybe she does in fact die with her goals incomplete, which would certainly leave her with no shortage of anger and turmoil. Anything to get away from a timebomb cliche which for the moment I'll keep until I think of something better, and get on with the rest of my second draft.
