Hi everyone! I joined this forum last year, but haven’t posted yet. Last year was a nightmare for my family, dealing with my older sister being diagnosed with a brain tumor, and her death in December. I lost my motivation to write, and am trying to get back into it. For the last four years, my niece and I have been writing a book together. We “finished” it last year, but I’m not happy with my section of one of the last chapters. I’ve struggled with trying to fix it, but no matter what I do, I just make it worse. I think I need to take it in a completely different direction. The main idea of the chapter is that my MC, Matt, needs to discover the lengths his adoptive father went to in order to keep him from dying from a disease spread by vampires. The virus is similar to HIV, and Matt contracted it after a vampire attack when he was thirteen. He’s 24 now. He finds out that his adoptive father, who is also a vampire, gave him a blood transfusion after the attack, to keep him from dying from blood loss. Then, once he came down with the virus, Matt received a bone marrow transplant to try to cure him of the virus. The transplant was an experimental procedure, and they used bone marrow donated by his adoptive father. Being so young, and with everything shrouded in secrecy, Matt wasn’t told any details on who donated the blood and bone marrow to save his life. He becomes a vampire hybrid, but has no idea why. I want him to feel betrayed, like everyone made decisions about his life without asking him, and he feels like he had no control. In my original draft of the chapter, his father tells him the truth during a conversation. But I struggle with dialogue, and it just sounds boring with the information being TOLD to him. The two of them are just standing there talking, and frankly, the scene sucks. Another idea I have is for him to see the events unfold during a vision. However, I plan on addressing the events of his past in depth in another book, so wouldn’t it be repetitive for me to write short snippets of the scenes in this book? I’m just at a loss. He needs to know this information, it’s important for his character growth in the next book. But how do I accomplish it without retelling the story over and over? Thank you to anyone who has suggestions. Note: The vampires in our story have body systems just like humans do, with blood cells, etc. But unlike humans, they have superhuman abilities, drink blood, and can’t be in sunlight. So that’s not an issue.
Interview with a Vampire sort of deals with this, it has a character who was forced into being a Vampire at a pre-adolescent age. This causes problems as she wasn't able to give consent, she has to grow old and have a mind of an older person without the usual sexual awareness/physicality that comes with it. She resents being made and lashes out. I think the biggest thing is trying to break your story down into it's components and see what you are trying to do and what is lacking: MC wants to find out his past. his own family is trying to hide it from him. Ergo his family are the antagonist. Ok, so everything seems saucy and simple doesn't it? It's a recipe for a disaster and all the craziest conflict in the whole world! But there's actually a very big thing missing here; INTERNAL CONFLICT. Ok, not my original idea, courtesy xoic for pointing out this amazing writer channel. Specifically this video in particular: I've linked it at the time stamp which I think is most relevant to the issue your having: The problem is that your character's wants aren't conflicting with their needs. Your MC thinks they need to find out about his past, but it's actually just that he wants to find out about it. What he needs to do is accept that his father did something to save his life. So I think the biggest thing in your scene is probably not that the scene feeling flat. It's that you haven't created enough tension between want and need to where the end scene becomes a climax. To understand this concept you may benefit from watching this movie called "Beautiful Boy", it's a bit cheesy though. Spoiler- The father is trying to understand his son's meth addiction and try to find a way to steer him back on the path. The father and son both go through accepting what they WANT to do and what they actually NEED to do. In some ways the father had to give up on his son and the son had to stop relying on his dad to get better. It's a flawed movie but it has some intense performances and there is deep conflict happening between want and need. Anyway I hope this can give you somethings to chew on.
Fantastic comments from the previous post! When I read your situation, my initial thought was using the Socratic method. If, at this point in your story, the father has for some reason decided to come clean, this might be a way to reveal the truth through dialogue and still make the tension palpable. So instead of Dad just coming out and saying everything, he can question your MC about what he recalls, force him to remember details his has forgotten or ignored. Maybe the truth was in front of him the whole time, but he chose to buy into the fantasy because it easier than accepting the reality! Sorry, I just had a flashback to that courtroom scene in A Few Good Men
So what are the consequences of being a vampire hybrid? Also, at thirteen wouldn't he already suspect his adoptive father had something to do with it or does he have no clue his father is a vampire?
Thanks for the reply! I ended up just revising what I already had, to the point where I’m happy with it, finally. At this time, they aren’t sure of the consequences. He was kept in the dark about everything while undergoing treatment, and after.
