Hi guys, I've been experimenting lately so as to broaden my skills and it's been useful so far. But I hit a snag and I'm having difficulty about writing something of the personal nature. The character is experiencing something too close to what I've went through in the past and it's causing me trouble because I'm reliving that moment. I obviously want to be able to draw from my experiences if it's relevant to the story, but how do I stop myself writing what basically constitutes a diary? It gets so intense to the point that it feels like I got blinders on and I can taste my experiences and nothing else. So any experience in this regard or strategies to detach from the scene would be welcome.
It might be necessary to wait until the event is more remote. Or you might be able to develop some objectivity about it by thinking through it in different ways—what if it had happened differently etc. Or imagine it happening to somebody else and yourself as an observer. I imagine all of these are limited in effectiveness. Ultimately you might need to just write it even while it still brings up the emotions, and maybe afterwards you can look more objectively at what you've written, trying not to think of it subjectively. It might also help to write all around the event. Write similar situations with all different kinds of results, including the results you had, but also many other possible results. Honestly though, when I think about intense events that I tried to write about, I just needed to wait until the feelings had cooled. Or just write it up in all its emotional volatility, and maybe keep that as a record of how you feel about it now, then hopefully some time later you can write it differently.
It's probably been 4-5 years already so I don't know if more time will help. I don't normally think about it. But writing something close to it just made the feelings very very intense and I kind of ended up reliving it. I'm also not sure I can objectively write "through it" because its like trying to tan while this thing is casting a great big shade over the whole dam thing. I'll try to do the different outcome strategy and see if it helps relieve me of my emotions. So thanks for that tip.
If you still have really strong feelings about it after so much time you may never be able to write objectively about it. I would recommend stoicism, but it would take moths of dedicated practice to learn the techniques of quelling your emotions, and to handle the powerful ones it might take years.
Is there a reason you want to write about it more objectively? That you don't want it to be your experiences and nothing else? I mean it's your choice and if you say it's getting in the way then that's what it is, but lots of successful works have strong autobiographical elements. Also I'm wondering what sort of a scale we're talking--is it one scene? The whole plot? How much of the whole work is this problem affecting?
The first scene is sticking out already. But I fear the whole plot would derail me. To get a better idea I'll just explain a little about it: It's about a black sheep re-entering the family during a great event like a wedding or celebration and how each family member reacts and the eventual downward spiral until old wounds resurface. It's not the most original idea and it's already semi-autobiographical in that I can heavily draw upon my experiences. The problem becomes that there are aspects that is not pleasurable for me to write about and some truths don't work well in a story, at least that I'm used to. Plus the tone of the story was supposed to be a black comedy but it's feeling like it's too close to some kind of full on drama.
Hm, yeah that's tough. I won't pretend to have a clever answer for you, haha. I think this is the kind of problem whose solution is going to depend a lot on your individual personality. If I were in this situation I'd probably over-intellectualize it, break it down into some abstract concepts that you could make into a diagram or something, to try to take myself out of it. But again, that's just based on my personality.
Maybe you simply are too close to it; if that's so, not much good can come out of the writing -- it will too painful for you, and the writing will probably reflect that you don't really want to be doing that writing. Like someone else said, let it sit for awhile longer. But don't necessarily forget about it altogether -- when you're ready you can maybe write about the topic with a sensitivity most writers won't have.
First come to the acceptance that you may never be able to rite about it. You may have to change that part in the story or go into it in less detail. You may be able to push through. My friend is studying to be a counsellor and he said 'if you can can't talk or write about it you've not moved on from it.' Maybe you need a little more help getting over it (if what he said is true). Other than that I don't know what to tell you. We experience life and our stories often reflect life and to be a writer you need to be able to write about anything.
Been a similar place to where you are. The following is how I handled it. Write it down exactly as it comes out of your head, crying or swearing your way through it if necessary. Having emotional support available if you need it is nice, especially if reliving events truly messes with your mind. When done, immediately put it aside, wait a while (days or months, depending on your state of mind), then take it out and edit it as if it belongs to someone else. If you can't handle the editing yet, put it away for a while longer, then try again. Good luck.
Perhaps treating the tough issue(s) as research rather than memories would help. Write down all the pertinent facts; a list, an outline, whatever method that might be conducive to moving forward rather than worrying about the story or the pain. Then pick and choose the facts that can be folded into the story - they don't all have to be used, and if they were it would probably be overkill, anyway. The author can bend the facts any way they desire, it's called poetic license. I agree with those who recommend writing it down then putting it aside for a space of time, which is good advice for any editing or any hard spot while writing.
I wrote a character who suffered the same experience I had over my mother's suicide. My advice is to write, not let your suffering hold you back. You don't ever have to show anyone what you've written.
Ok thanks guys, that's a lot of different approaches and considerations. I'll mull over it a bit more and let you know how I go.
I wrote my story about self-worth and it became emotionally hard and eventually affected me physically. I only talked about half the stuff that went on in my life and left out some of the erotic parts and the times I was molested as a child. It all drug me down until I couldn't write anything. It took a while and still people commented that everything that happened was impossible. In the end, I wrote it for me, and to hell with everyone else. You have to draw a line and say this is what I'm going to do, and do it.
I think it's easier said than done. Moving on from the things that hurt you is a nice sentiment but it's not always that easy. Still I think we can use these experiences by accepting them as part of ourselves. Anyway with your situation I think, you simply need to switch your perspective a bit. Right now you are concentrating on the similarities between your and your character's situation. You are directly involving yourself in someone else's story and that's where you can change things. Imagine sitting at a table with a friend and a stranger. Your friend tells you to tell their story which bears many similarities to your own experiences. Would you make this about yourself? Probably not, right? Because it isn't about you. So I would go into it with this kind of mindset. You're telling someone else's story and you should respect it as such. This story deserves to be told and it deserve to be told for them. So try to do them justice. I know it's probably not possible to rid the story of autobiographic influences but I don't think that's an issue. You can fill emotional holes with your own feelings but never forget that you're telling this story for someone else. That's my best advice.
It's interesting, in that I did that myself in my novel ...(no NOT the situation people might be wondering about. THAT was pure fiction.) But there is great healing and catharsis to be had if you turn a real situation you experienced on its head. I'm assuming from what you said that your experience wasn't pleasant and/or didn't turn out the way you wanted it to. (In my case, the very pleasant situation didn't turn out the way I wanted it to.) So instead of re-living your own situation with the same result, or changing it slightly by disguising yourself—instead, consider turning it on its head. Make it turn out the way you DID want it to, not the way it actually did. OR ...think of what 'should' have happened, instead of what did happen—then start with your characters at that point and build the story around what life would have been like if things had been different. If you had a terrible parent, give your character a good one—the kind of parent you wish you'd had. If you lost the love of your life, for whatever reason, allow your characters to keep their relationship, and build a story around what things would have been like if they hadn't lost each other. If you were permanently crippled in some sort of accident or by some disease, let your characters NOT have that accident, or NOT catch that disease ...or let them recover from the trauma the way you didn't. This kind of thing. Turn the situation around. In many ways, that's the fastest way to insight that there is. Change the truth to something else. It's also a way to heal, and to feel you've set things right. As the writer of fiction, you have that power.
My opinion. Add a couple of jokes. It sounds silly and contradictory, but it can still be a good way to balance your emotions. Jokes and humor are one of the methods to cope with something difficult and painful. So if the character tries to fight his pain instead of being overwhelmed, then it will be a little easier for the writer to write about it. Every time it gets unbearable, just add a joke to ease the tension. It reminded me a few jokes ... After working for three days after the main work at night on a part-time job, the wife took pity and said. - Get some rest after work today, stay at home. Let's fix the floor. - Loves me... ___________________ I would have noticed my "Groundhog Day" in 5 months. _________ -Describe your life in one phrase. - Why me?
My tuppence worth on this. The recounting of trauma is a necessary part of the healing process. Mostly this is achieved through talking therapies, often such therapy will include writing and other means of accessing and externalising what are in essence, difficult memories. What is reported by those in therapy is, that it gets easier. It is as if each telling puts a greater distance between the sufferer and the events. (I speak here as a retired therapist, by the way.) I would suggest that you find a listener, someone who you feel safe with, and talk to them about that which you want to write, along with any other related difficulties, that have a similar emotional landscape for you. ( our emotions can’t really tell the difference between event A and event G.) As someone has already said, write it without filter. If feelings threaten to overwhelm, stop, allow your self time to understand and experience what they are, and also understand they are not life threatening. Think of it as releasing the pressure of a pressure cooker, if don’t, you can’t open the lid safely. Eventually you should be in a place to use these experiences to inform your writing in a safe way.
