OK, I usually use italics for flashbacks but I don't think the book I'm currently working on will have any. But, what is does have is a nightclub, with security people, who all wear hidden earpieces/mics. The owner of the club also wears one when he's "on duty" so to speak, and although he might not speak much (unless there's a major problem), he will listen in on his security staff as they deal with the usual occurrences of an evening. In the bit I'm working on, the owner has just put in his earpiece and is watching everyone enjoy their night in his club when he hears a conversation on his earpiece concerning his security manager as he refuses entry to a drunk guy. So the owner hears the voice of his security guy who IS also wearing the same kind of earpiece, but he also hears the voice of the drunk guy too, even though he's NOT wearing one. My question is, do I use italics for the conversation between the security guy and the drunk guy, bearing in mind that the club owner can hear this conversation but is not in a position to see the security guy or the drunk guy ?? I'm not worried about this from the technology point of view - although it won't be in the book, the actual story is set around 20 years into the future, so the earpieces are totally wireless and have built in mics which eliminates the need for wired mics, although I appreciate that they would still have to go via the bluetooth on either a radio or mobile phone in the wearers' pocket. (I've only just started researching this tech, so I'm aware I could be totally wrong on the tech side of things.) Thanks in advance.
I think that italics for the conversation will only work in the club owners POV, it would just be weird if the security having the conversation to have them too.
Yeah, I would definitely use italics for that. Then again, I do use italics quite frequently for this, and things such as alternate languages, thought monologues, and dreams. I would just make sure that you differentiate between who is speaking so readers don't get confused. Even commenting on the voices sounding different and going back and forth with that, or identifying even one of the voices as say, Bob, and from that point continuing to make sure the reader knows each time Bob is speaking.
I don't see a reason not to use ordinary dialogue punctuation. Would you use italics for a conversation on the phone, or one overheard in another room, or one in the dark, or one heard by a blind character? Dialogue punctuation doesn't depend on seeing the speakers.
I would probably use this device on this occasion. Italics will portray the disembodied voice thing, which your club owner will be listening to. You have access to his internal thoughts and feelings—presumably he's the POV character?—so he can also reflect on what he's hearing. Just be careful that you don't wad too many exchanges of dialogue together using italics, without breaking it up with something else (like the club owner's thoughts about what he's hearing, done in normal font.) Italics can be difficult to read if you're confronted with long paragraphs or pages of them. I've used that same device in my own novel at one point. Two main characters—one of whom is my POV character—are both overhearing an important conversation taking place on the other side of a wall. My two main characters can't see the speakers, and the speakers are unaware they're being overheard. In essence, I have one couple talking to each other, while another couple is overhearing and commenting quietly on what they've heard. I've written it many ways, and none of the ways worked as well as using italics for the overheard conversation, coupled with the normal dialogue convention used between the two main characters plus my POV character's thoughts and feelings about the whole event. I've not had any beta readers complain about that scene. Do whatever works.
I had an out of sight conversation in another book, I’ll go and check what I did. (In that instance, the character was listening from behind a slightly open door, so whilst not in sight, they were in earshot. The bit I’m currently working on, the club owner wouldn’t hear without the earpiece.)
I just can't see how line-of-sight or otherwise would affect dialogue punctuation. I've never seen italics used, for example, for telephone conversations.
I don’t think I’d use it for phone conversations because the speaker is talking to the character who is the POV focus, so even though they are out of the picture, they are still the focus of the conversation. However, in this piece, the character’s focus is on the inside of the club, watching the public, the conversation he hears between the bouncer and the drunk guy, is on the hearing equivalent of his peripheral vision, but it’s in there because the drunk guy goes on to do something later that impacts the story.
I think that the peripheral aspect would be better communicated with parentheses. I stirred my cocktail. Was it possible to get anything in this place that didn't come with one of those little paper umbrellas? Jane was staring at me expectantly, so I asked, "How was your trip?" ("Where's the gun?" said Smoker's Cough.) "Great!" She used that chirp, the audible equivalent of a paper umbrella. "Have you ever been to Paris?" "Not that I remember. My mother claims she took me there when I was three, and I sang 'Frere Jacques' so beautifully that the concierge was in tears. My mother lies a lot." ("How should I know?" said Whiner. His voice was almost as annoying as Jane's.) "Oh, you sing?" (Smoker's Cough said, "When the bomb goes off, I'd rather they didn't find a gun with my prints in the wreckage. I'll give you five minutes to find it.") "Joe? Joe? Dammit, this is what I was saying--you never listen! What did I just say?"
Good point. When I complete that section, I'll write it both ways and post it here, see what people think. Thanks for everyone's input, it all does make sense!
