I aim to write a short story about a seven year old that witnesses her aunt dying from cancer, but the magical realism comes in when the girl is alone with her aunt and her aunt becomes a kind of creepy monster that comes after the little girl for her vitality. It is supposed to deal with the innocence of life before the realization of death. This is the opening so far: "I stand near the door while Mom coos and soothes Aunt Lola into a light, wary sleep. Ever since she had that operation on her head she has been the opposite of who she is." The thing is, I want it to be first person of the child so I am wondering if I can write like a seven year old would talk without it sounding terrible. It is for a grade, too, so I want it to be good work. Thanks!
You should PM a mod to move this to General Writing. This part of the board is for posting work samples for others to crittique.
Keep it stark, simple, basic. Remember that children are little humans and not aliens Not sure I could do it first person when I had to tackle mine at seven I switched to third.
Yes, you can, definitely. The first sentence is good enough. You are introducing the characters without much ado and we can also sense that something is not right with Aunt Lola. In the second sentence, the first part is "Ever since she had that operation" is good, because you are now letting us know what is wrong with Aunt Lola. But the second part can be improve. "She has been the opposite of who she is" , instead of this you might just directly write how differently she has been behaving. Example: Ever since she had that operation she doesn't hug me and peck my forehead. Hope this helps.
For inspiration you might return to Huckleberry Finn. Twain writes in the 1st person of a twelve year old boy, and it works amazingly well. Of course, it is Mark Twain, but still!
Isn't magical realism all about fluid, straightforward, simple storytelling but the things described are preposterously impossible? "Mom drew the curtains closed, but they burst into flames. She didn't notice. After a minute the ashes floated over and arranged themselves into a crown on Aunt Lola's head. I looked at her, and she at me."
