1. Iain Aschendale

    Iain Aschendale Lying, dog-faced pony Marine Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2015
    Messages:
    18,851
    Likes Received:
    35,471
    Location:
    Face down in the dirt
    Currently Reading::
    Telemachus Sneezed

    First Person POV Bind

    Discussion in 'Point of View, and Voice' started by Iain Aschendale, Mar 30, 2023.

    So... I'm pretty dead-set on having my book be "narrated" first person POV. I want a noir feel to it and that's the voice that seems right. However, I've got some information that I need to get across that takes place outside of the MC's presence. I could introduce another first-person POV character and do a head hop between chapters (Chapters 1-3 Bob's view, Chapter 4 Jessie's view, then back to Bob in Chapter 5) but I don't think I've got enough Jessie POV scenes as she's going to be kidnapped to the literal Hell and "save the girl" is the rest of the book. As a semi-McGuffin giving her her own POV seems kind of cheap since she's only going to be on-screen for a little bit of the book.

    One thought that I had was, since the story is being narrated, the MC could say something like (and this is an idea, not a writing critique request):

    Thoughts?
     
  2. Catriona Grace

    Catriona Grace Mind the thorns Contributor Contest Winner 2022

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2021
    Messages:
    6,260
    Likes Received:
    5,506
    Maybe her point of view needs to be a tad more prominent in the book? Brief glimpses of hell from Jessie while Bob seeks to rescue her might add to the reader's investment in her rescue.
     
  3. Dogberry's Watch

    Dogberry's Watch Contributor Contributor Contest Winner 2023 Contest Winner 2022

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2019
    Messages:
    2,444
    Likes Received:
    5,832
    I've seen people do "interludes" of different perspectives, where the character isn't a main but has an important part to deliver. Brandon Sanderson did it in Way of Kings, and the idea is appealing. Perhaps if your character Jessie just had a few sections, that could work as like a "meanwhile, in hell" situation?
     
    Iain Aschendale likes this.
  4. Iain Aschendale

    Iain Aschendale Lying, dog-faced pony Marine Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2015
    Messages:
    18,851
    Likes Received:
    35,471
    Location:
    Face down in the dirt
    Currently Reading::
    Telemachus Sneezed
    I didn't give enough information. Good idea, but the actual nature of Hell is somewhat of a Big Reveal when the character gets there to rescue her. It's a lot more like a quiet yet busy office run efficiently by beings that resemble giant parrots more than traditional demo--

    Y'know what, writing that out I think you may be onto something. Thanks!

    That's a good idea too. I've seen it before but forgotten about it. Somehow it reminds me of Simon and Simon, although I don't know if they ever actually used it. Thanks!
     
  5. w. bogart

    w. bogart Contributor Contributor Blogerator

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2022
    Messages:
    2,127
    Likes Received:
    1,398
    Location:
    US
    I would consider the POV for the interludes as well. Perhaps a third person limited for Jessie so her thoughts and emotions come through.

    Since hell will be your big reveal, Jessie could be blindfolded in the interludes, so only the sounds around are what the reader gets. You could use that to build the drama of the reveal. Does she know she is in hell, or has someone hidden her away in an office closet? How can her disorientation help the story, and add to the surprise?
     
    Iain Aschendale likes this.
  6. Rzero

    Rzero Reluctant voice of his generation Contributor

    Joined:
    Oct 29, 2018
    Messages:
    1,742
    Likes Received:
    3,088
    Location:
    Texas
    I'm sure you moved on from this a week ago, but I was thinking that if you still want the reveal, you wouldn't necessarily have to explain too much about the workings of hell. You could keep it mysterious and confounding by only showing what she's experiencing without adding any context. All you have to do is leave out exposition, which can be hard to stuff into first person anyway.
     
    Iain Aschendale likes this.
  7. Iain Aschendale

    Iain Aschendale Lying, dog-faced pony Marine Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2015
    Messages:
    18,851
    Likes Received:
    35,471
    Location:
    Face down in the dirt
    Currently Reading::
    Telemachus Sneezed
    Yeah, I foolishly started the thread about three days before the start of the new school year and my head's been all wrapped up in that since. Still back-burnered again. :(
     
  8. Anton Anderson

    Anton Anderson New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2020
    Messages:
    13
    Likes Received:
    3
    Do you have to convey that information in a particular place? If not, you can give it in a prologue -- they are commonly written from someone else's POV. If she's going to be kidnapped close to the start of the book, the reader may still remember. Or you may find a way to remind a reader. Say, in the prologue there also happens something noticeable, and the detective recalls that event exactly where you need it.
     
    Iain Aschendale likes this.
  9. zoupskim

    zoupskim Contributor Contributor

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2015
    Messages:
    1,689
    Likes Received:
    2,511
    Location:
    The presence of Y'golonac
    If you're going for noir feel and I assume your MC is trying to figure things out I think him just guessing the information while pondering but being unsure then later showing him correct for the reveal is fine.

    Ch1: MC: I think it was John with the knife, but who knows for sure.

    Ch23: John: It was me with the knife.
     
    Iain Aschendale likes this.
  10. montecarlo

    montecarlo Contributor Contributor

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2020
    Messages:
    922
    Likes Received:
    835
    Location:
    America's Heartland
    I’d go for the “I didn’t know this at the time, but…” option. I know it may seem like a lame cop-out, but I bet you 99% of readers won’t give it a second thought. Better than shoe-horning in extra scenes and POVs you don’t even want.
     
  11. Iain Aschendale

    Iain Aschendale Lying, dog-faced pony Marine Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2015
    Messages:
    18,851
    Likes Received:
    35,471
    Location:
    Face down in the dirt
    Currently Reading::
    Telemachus Sneezed
    ZOUP!!! You're back!
     
  12. EFMingo

    EFMingo A Modern Dinosaur Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2014
    Messages:
    5,167
    Likes Received:
    6,733
    Location:
    San Diego, California
    Maybe you could spend a while writing a rough copy of what happens at that perspective and then you'd be able to see segments were the perspectives would cross, allowing for hints.
     
    Iain Aschendale likes this.

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice