1. Alesia

    Alesia Pen names: AJ Connor, Carey Connolly Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2013
    Messages:
    1,031
    Likes Received:
    285
    Location:
    Morristown, TN

    Another fiction writing question...

    Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by Alesia, Aug 31, 2013.

    I know it seems dumb, but my logical mind is saying this sentence I just popped out is all wrong. This is why: My mostly non-fiction writers mind is saying that the sentence implies the mattress itself is under the blanket and not the narrator. I'm just wondering if I'm overreacting is all.
     
  2. GingerCoffee

    GingerCoffee Web Surfer Girl Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 3, 2013
    Messages:
    18,385
    Likes Received:
    7,080
    Location:
    Ralph's side of the island.
    I think it's clear in that sentence but I often encounter this problem because my brain processes things this way. I just solve it by switching it up if there is any doubt. I know there's some grammar rule like split infinitives or something, but I'd have to look it up to know what it's called.

    I’m lying under a scratchy blanket on a firm mattress.

    It's easier to change it than worry about it. If you worry too much you'll worry about being under both the blanket and the mattress the blanket is under. :p
     
  3. shadowwalker

    shadowwalker Contributor Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2011
    Messages:
    3,258
    Likes Received:
    847
    The comma makes it clear to me.
     
  4. GingerCoffee

    GingerCoffee Web Surfer Girl Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 3, 2013
    Messages:
    18,385
    Likes Received:
    7,080
    Location:
    Ralph's side of the island.
    An idea came to me. :)

    I’m lying between a scratchy blanket and a firm mattress.
     
    Wreybies likes this.
  5. Wreybies

    Wreybies Thrice Retired Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    May 1, 2008
    Messages:
    23,826
    Likes Received:
    20,815
    Location:
    El Tembloroso Caribe
    I like this muchly. There is a counterposing in this construction that is more satisfying than in the other. :)
     
  6. jannert

    jannert Retired Mod Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2013
    Messages:
    17,674
    Likes Received:
    19,889
    Location:
    Scotland
    Yeah, kinda between a scratchy rock and a hard place, eh? :)
     
  7. Alesia

    Alesia Pen names: AJ Connor, Carey Connolly Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2013
    Messages:
    1,031
    Likes Received:
    285
    Location:
    Morristown, TN
    Eh. I just changed it up like this. I think the point is very clear here.
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice