Women: How might you talk to a young girl about body-image anxiety?

I am writing a scene where an adult woman believes that a young girl (prepubescent) is feeling anxiety/worry about how her body will develop, specifically worrying that her breast size might never measure up to said adult woman.

As I started going over the dialogue, I realized that this is a topic where it is likely to be painfully obvious that a man wrote the dialogue. (I've seen plenty of that out there that even as a man I can tell that a man wrote it; I can only imagine how much more grating it must be for women.) So I'd like to ask for some help. Women, what might you say to a girl whom you thought was feeling this way?

I don't need a grand "life lessons" speech; I'm not writing a piece that I'm expecting young women to actually read to actually help them through a challenging time. I'm just looking for some brief statements that would be something a woman would actually say; what are the kinds of points that a woman would actually bring up?

Would you imagine that a simple "you shouldn't worry about it" would be enough? Would you find it better to downplay the significance of one's bust size? Would you expect this well-endowed woman to actually talk about the unwanted attention and hassle it brings?
Please let me know what you would say, or what you might think would be said (or not said.)

The woman in question is still young herself; (I think just eighteen,) in case that makes a difference.

 

Frankly the idea of a prepubescent girl expressing anxiety that her future bust measurement might not measure up to that of a particularly well-endowed adult woman sounds like something a man would come up with, but okay. HOw about:

"No two people are exactly alike, but we're all equally acceptable whatever our shape."

If the kid brings up identical twins, punt.

 

That's what immediately came to mind for me too.

If I were OP, I'd remove it entirely. Why could you possibly need a prepubescent girl to talk about her breasts anyway?

 

She'd need to be younger. So straight away there's a voice problem < EDIT: I read this wrong and thought the 18yo was the younger girl when it's the older girl
imo characters should be fully realized before any dialogue starts but this might be a minor character

These characters' conversation is framed in terms of ages and bust-sizes but not the characters' relationship or roles
So the context is missing: is it mother and daughter, or counsellor and client, or her dad's mistress?

A mother might desperately change the subject because it makes her doubt her parenting
A counsellor might wildly gender-affirm: you're having these worries because on the inside you are really a boy
The dad's mistress might want to further undermine her in favour of her own, larger-boobed, progeny

Which brings it to stakes. Nobody wants to hear characters in stories expound theories of body-positivity or validate male-gaze aesthetics. Readers want to be shown them pursuing their goals and using every dialogue as an opportunity to move those goals forward
From a structuralist and a craft perspective, conversations are never about what they're about and the real challenge is to fit a convincing character-conflict into the social format of a "don't worry darling, everyone is beautiful to the Lord" conversation

 

My mom: "well... Mine arent that impressive to begin with. So you'll probably take after me. Sorry."

 

Not necessarily.

I cant speak to other women, but when i was a little girl, i was always envious of my aunt. She is VERY well "blessed" (though i know now that its a curse. She has severe back pain and wants a reduction). I went through a boob phase where id walk around with my shirt stuffed because i wanted "big breasts like auntie"

My mom, who is the exact opposite, always told me "not gunna happen. You take after me"

 

I was thinking more about this.

There are a number of ways this could work. Normally, these type of questions pop up when attention is brought to it. For example, my interests in breasts as a little girl came when i went bra shopping with my mom and aunt (for them, because i wasnt at an age that required a bra then).

What is the relationship between the 18 year old and the young girl?
If she was a sibling or a baby sitter and took her to run errands, i could see the younger girl looking at the bras and the models wearing them and questioning whether she will measure up. The 18 year old could say something like "they are models. No one measures up" or something

Or, if you want it to be a teachable moment, the 18 year old walks in on the you g girl trying on her bras. The younger girl says something like... Idk.... "I wanted to see how id look in something like this. Ill probably never wear one like it..."
And then the 18 year old tells her that there are many shapes and sizes. And there are also pushup bras to help feel a bit more confident, but dont feel like you need them. You'll grow into the shape and size that you are meant for.

You could also set the stage for other young girls who have hit puberty before her either tease her (which sparks the insecurities) or she looks at them enviously ("why havent mine grown yet?").
I was a late bloomer and it always seemed like the other girls looked so much older than me, body development wise. It also didnt help that the boys thought i was ugly and the other girls said i looked like a boy. So that added to the body insecurities.

 

I may not be a woman, but my mother is. She has said, on that subject, “Who cares? They’re for feeding babies!” She has also added that she came to understand that not long after I was born (and this why, as I like to say, I’ve always known that). I think your adult character could say that no matter what she looks like. Maybe she has children, or if not, maybe she heard this from a woman who does.

As an aside, I find it interesting that people in our culture are so fixated on the female breast, yet such prudes that they squirm if I talk about its actual function. I once saw a Japanese animated movie in which a mother openly explained breastfeeding her baby to a child character. It’s hard to imagine an American movie getting away with that. Maybe you could bring this up in your story…

 

Younger people are far more exposed to, um, body part emphasis in the media than I was as a prepubescent girl in the mid-sixties. That small girls worry about their bust size years before they begin to develop breasts is disturbing. Mine developed early and throughly and made me very self-conscious, but I never gave them a thought before their actual appearance.

PS Tell your aunt reduction is heaven.

 

Thank you all for the honest responses. I will take these into consideration.

The context isn't a young girl expressing her concern, it's her noticing the woman's bust, and the woman reading the girl's expression as "feeling insecure/worried about not being able to measure up."
I was trying to write the scene for some awkward humor because the woman misinterpreted the girl's feelings, and I was trying to stretch it out by having the girl misunderstand the woman's advice, but it just wasn't developing right; it was too unnatural and forced. I was hoping to get some reasonable thoughts to have her share so I could cut the whole thing down to a reasonable exchange and leave it at that.

A little off subject here, but I always felt like that was a myth. It just doesn't add up. How much weight do bosoms really have? And yet people who are obese and carry around even more weight don't seem to as-commonly have this problem? They have these breasts with them at every moment and yet they never develop stronger back muscles to help support this "tremendous weight" of three pounds?
The whole thing sounds like a joke someone made up. "she gon have bakk problims cuz she so top hevvy, hur hur hur" Back pain comes from back injuries, accidents, or long durations of sitting in wrong positions. It's more likely that something like that hurt a woman's back rather than a little extra flab. Hell, having a baby, holding a growing baby on one side all the time, and picking up toys a kid left on the floor, all seem like they would do more to give a woman back pain than a hefty bra. Sometimes we get back pain without really knowing the cause, especially as we get older when small injuries we had in our youth start becoming a problem. Add a little confirmation bias and you're good to go.

I'm willing to admit that I could be wrong; I've never had the privilege to talk to large-breasted women about such things, so maybe it is a more significant issue than I thought. But still, it just doesn't seem to add up.

I misread that and thought you were saying "the (boys who said you looked like a boy) were ugly." This description made me laugh. "The people who insult me are ugly!"
But hey, if your avatar is anything to go off of, I think you're beautiful.

 

respiratory problems, back pain, breast pain, posture issues, the list goes on.
but it looks like @Catriona Grace knows more in that area (so to speak). whether or not she would care to expound on this topic, i cant say.

 

Sadly, this is a trope that comes up all too often in Japanese pop-culture - and yes, a lot of that is written by men (and targeted at adolescent boys).

 

How would you talk to a young boy who's concerned that his penis might not be very big?

 

Sounds like a credit card.

 

I won't deny that this is a thing, but I've heard plenty of people talking about how young women struggle with body issues, especially in this day and age where media keeps presenting specific types of women to be some perfect ideal.
From what I've seen, it's a real thing, it's just common for it to be misrepresented.

Honestly? I'd tell him about how I've heard WOMEN talk about how uncomfortable a large penis is.

This is EXACTLY the kind of subject where people get their "facts" from jokes and anecdotes rather than any real research. I'm bringing up honest points on the subject. What have I said about this that wasn't fair? What have I said about this that wasn't an honest question or valid observation?
Have I been demeaning to any person at all?

 

In context of the thread so far, I find it difficult not to read the last of these remarks as a humblebrag. But in case the OP's country/religion/culture/orientation has been making it awkward to broach this subject with adult women there is always Youtube. Depending what terms are used, it's entirely likely to throw up unfiltered shit made by weirdoes and deviants - but the characters in a story are under no more obligation than anyone else to be right-on about anything. If the older character in this dialogue is only 18, and if the setting is contemporary, then it might make perfect sense for her to take social media at face value and not think too critically about what's in front of her.

 

Tell her/him about the growing antibiotic resistance among bacteria, prion diseases, rabies, food shortages, water crisis, inflation, mass shootings, volume shootings, and that you didn't start the fire. Penises and breasts should be the last thing on the 'to worry about' list. As people get older, and if their priorities are in order, that's how it tends to go.

As far as boobies go, large or especially pendulous breasts can be generally cumbersome when moving about. It's only a few pounds but it's distributed terribly. Size differences—between lefty and righty—become more noticeable at scale too leading to a slight, personal sense of imbalance. It's a pain finding a good bra that not only holds it all in but is comfortable too, be it sports or normal. Then it's harder find the right fit in clothes to boot. Personally I've seen button-up shirts routinely fail to keep things contained, or just generally sit poorly, which is annoying.

 

I find it at least a little demeaning. Like people who would believe this to be true (including those who have/are actually experiencing this) are idiots and can't spell? I wouldn't encourage a pile-on, just cause I detect the scent of possible trolling, especially after the remark about not having a chance to consult large-breasted women on the subject. I mean, you can just:



Anyways, if you're actually serious about the question, J.T.'s suggestions are very good imo.

 

It's a statement. What is there to brag about that?

Which is not something I've actually heard, and I even said so to put things in context. The fellow above took it as a form of bragging.
I've not seen it as a thing from the mouths of real women; I've only seen people make jokes and anecdotes about it.

Okay, but I freely admitted that. I literally framed it all under a statement of how it doesn't make sense to me, and formatted it to draw attention to the fact that this is something I could not know.
"This doesn't make sense to me. (reasons) I have no experience with this, but it doesn't make sense to me." That's what I said. Why am I being attacked for being ignorant of something we all agree that I couldn't possibly know?

 

Good, because you are dead wrong. Medical insurance regularly pays for reduction surgery because it corrects a condition that causes multiple physical problems.

Maybe because you passed judgment on something you are admittedly ignorant about. The original premise of a buxom young woman assuming a prepubescent child is experiencing breast envy was creepy to begin with, and nothing you've followed up with has diminished the creep factor. It's time for me to bow out of the discussion before my eyebrows raise any higher toward my hairline.

 

Not the people who believe it, but the people who started it. Perhaps re-read my statement as: "The whole thing sounds like a joke someone made up, as if they said: 'she gon have bakk problims cuz she so top hevvy, hur hur hur'" (that sounds closer to my intent) And yeah, I would speak demeaningly of someone making such jokes about women's bodies.

 

It's a real problem when men speak about women like this, this is where you rubbed me the wrong way. And while I get the logic behind your thinking, the factors you mention aren't the only ones at play. The human body is a lot more complicated than that.

Google is a thing. Before you said that, you could have done research. Plenty of articles out there.

Not that I'm an angel. I have made the mistake myself, so I'm speaking through hindsight. Women know their bodies better than you do. If you're going to speak about them, at least be well-read and informed.