1. Bus Chaser

    Bus Chaser New Member

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    Acceptable Alternatives to "Said"

    Discussion in 'Dialogue Development' started by Bus Chaser, May 28, 2023.

    I'm one of those people who ere on the side of caution, to the extent my dialogue tags are almost exclusively 'said', which works for the most part, as more often than not the speaker's tone is delivered by the content of their speech, as by and the scene's context.

    Still, I reckon there is room for a sprinkle of spice here and there, which is why I'm trying to compile all the "acceptable" alternatives to 'said'. I'm interested in seeing how my subjective experience interplays with fellow writers.

    The way I see it, for a dialogue tag to feel natural it has to A - be a common word (whisper vs. susurrate), B - function as a verbal expression of language and not a physical reaction (so stuff like "he chuckled/bawled" don't count as a tag, but an action, and therefore requires a comma), and C - not call too much attention to itself, yet call just enough attention to affect the reading of the line. Naturally, I'm sure we can find some faults and exceptions with my rules.

    For instance: "And honey," she added, "on the way out don't forget the trash."

    In my reading, "added" is simple and tells you something about the speaker's intonation (casual, on the fly, said as an afterthought or a last-minute notice). While this tag is acceptable, a more elaborate tag such as 'complemented' or 'supplemented' would come off as overly Shakespearean. However, equally natural-sounding verbs like "she threw in" get a pass.

    Here are some additional examples:

    "No!" he shot back.
    "My lord," the peasant implored, "save my family."
    "If I may," the butler broke in. "I might have what you seek."
    "Jenny," her sister hollered from across the room.
    "Don't fret," my father reassured.
    "Yes," I admitted.
    "I'm not going," the girl insisted.
    "Furthermore," the professor continued, "..."
     
    Last edited: May 28, 2023
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  2. Alcove Audio

    Alcove Audio Contributor Contributor

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    I'm still pretty new at all this writing stuff, but....

    Once I've established the conversation between two people, I forget about said altogether, just have the lines of dialog.

    When I feel that it's important to the conversation I use alternatives to "said." I agree that they should add to the flow of the dialog and/or the characters perspective.
     
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  3. Bus Chaser

    Bus Chaser New Member

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    We're on the same page. I also minimize my usage of "said" in a flowing conversation unless it's necessary to establish who is speaking, or as an implicit silence between sentences in the absence of a physical action.
     
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  4. Bruce Johnson

    Bruce Johnson Contributor Contributor Contest Winner 2023

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    There are many acceptable alternatives to 'said' but using them too much isn't good, especially within several sequential lines.

    In many cases dialogue tags can be removed altogether it an action beat makes the speaker obvious.
     
  5. Xoic

    Xoic Prognosticator of Arcana Ridiculosum Contributor Blogerator

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    You seem to know your stuff pretty well. I mostly agree, and what I'm about to say is more a caveat than a disagreement. Words like chuckled or bawled take on slightly different meanings depending on whether they're tags or action beats.

    "Oh no," he chuckled. "Not like that!"—Here, using it as a tag, he's chuckling as he says the words. However—

    "Oh no." He chuckled. "Not like that!"—Here he speaks, then he chuckles. It's the difference between simultaneous and successive actions (one of them being to speak).

    With bawled the meaning changes much more drastically. To bawl a word or phrase is one thing, but to say something and then bawl means you stopped speaking and cried for a moment. That's a really strange sequence of actions.

    Expressions like chuckled and bawled can be used as tags, but they're pretty over-the-top, verging on purple prose, and I agree you should be careful with them.

    But I must disagree that an action beat uses a comma. I think you just made a mistake. Tags use commas, an action beat uses a period, exclamation point, or question mark, because the words spoken are one sentence, and the action beat is another one.
     
    Last edited: May 28, 2023
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  6. JLT

    JLT Contributor Contributor

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    Fine, as long as the reader has something more than just a paragraph break to figure out who's talking. Remember that readers usually need all the help they can get.

    You probably won't go too wrong if the characters use distinct voices or dialects. But my rule of thumb is that after about six exchanges of the speaker roles, the writer should clue the reader in, usually in a form that Bus Chaser suggested.

    "It's not hard." Claire took a sip of now-cold tea and continued. "You're overthinking this thing, Mrs. Smythe."

    If the reader is perhaps confused about who's speaking before encountering this sentence, they aren't afterwards.
     
  7. Naomasa298

    Naomasa298 HP: 10/190 Status: Confused Contributor

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    It depends why you're using the tag. If you're using it to illustrate the emotional state of the character, an alternative dialogue tag is sometimes very effective.

    "Don't move," whispered Jack, as the homicidal axe-murderer began to look for them.

    On the other hand, if you're using it simply to clarify who's talking, "said" is a simple and straightforward choice. I also use action beats as a alternative.
     
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  8. Bus Chaser

    Bus Chaser New Member

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    Whoops, you're right. 'Comma' is a typo on my part. I meant 'period'. I always get these two confused. Will fix that. (Wait, I guess it won't let. Welp.)

    I agree with your distinction between "Oh no," he chuckled, and "Oh no." He chuckled. Perhaps we can also add a third version as a compromise between the two, being "Oh no," he said, chuckling.

    I'm not sure where I stand on some verbs. "Chuckled" is one of those that I can see working but I wouldn't use myself. Same with bawl. But is it unfair to say that a toddler could be 'bawling' rather than 'saying' that "I want my mommy!"?
     
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  9. w. bogart

    w. bogart Contributor Contributor Blogerator

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    Break up the placement of any dialog tag. you can put the tag before the dialog as well.
     
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  10. Xoic

    Xoic Prognosticator of Arcana Ridiculosum Contributor Blogerator

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    I think it depends on what kind of story you're writing, or the characters involved. You'd use very different vocabulary for a children's book for instance than a dark gritty thriller or a splatterpunk. Chuckled doesn't bother me much, but I would only used Bawled in very particular kinds of stories, or with very specific kinds of characters.
     
  11. Xoic

    Xoic Prognosticator of Arcana Ridiculosum Contributor Blogerator

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    Once you've been here a certain amount of time and made a certain amount of posts you'll have full editing privileges and will be able to go back and edit anything you've ever posted. I think the privileges accrue gradually. I remember after a while I had like 15 minutes to edit something, and then at some point it became indefinite. It's all explained somewhere under Rules or FAQ in the navbar at the top of the page (under Information).
     
  12. Bus Chaser

    Bus Chaser New Member

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    Oh writing, the motherlode of "it depends".

    Thank you for pointing this out to me!
     
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  13. Bus Chaser

    Bus Chaser New Member

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    Definitely. The list is just for demonstrative purposes.
     
  14. w. bogart

    w. bogart Contributor Contributor Blogerator

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    "You think you're hot shit." He replied, contempt dripping from his tone.

    Dialog tags are also useful when you want to add something specific about how the speaker says something.
     
  15. JLT

    JLT Contributor Contributor

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    That structure bothers me a little bit. I'd go with:

    "You think you're hot shit," he replied, contempt dripping from his tone.

    That's because the example is really two sentences. If you drop one sentence: "You think you're hot shit."

    You'd end up with:

    He replied, contempt dripping from his tone.

    Which feels strange to me. The fact that it's now a sentence of its own makes it unclear whether or not the first sentence is the reply.

    But maybe I'm alone in this.
     
  16. w. bogart

    w. bogart Contributor Contributor Blogerator

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    I do see your point. The period in the quote, was my resisting the urge to use an !
     
  17. Rzero

    Rzero Reluctant voice of his generation Contributor

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    I feel like the word "said" sticks out to writers worse than it does to readers. I'm of the school of thought that "said" tags melt into good dialog like punctuation. In fact, I often use tags just to alter the rhythm of speech more than a period does but less than an ellipsis or an action would. I believe you said something about implicit silence. I use it all the time.
    "I know. I can't stand it," she said.
    "I know," she said. "I can't stand it."
    They have entirely different cadences and can be used for subtle shifts and corrections in attitude and flow.

    I generally avoid using alternatives to "said" but probably still end up with more than I should. While combing through Reset for overused words, I discovered an apparent unconscious predilection for a few specific tags. I especially used "demanded" and "assured" way more times than I would have guessed for some reason.
     
  18. evild4ve

    evild4ve Critique is stranger than fiction Supporter Contributor

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    [name] said in novels is similar to [NAME]: in drama. It's inoffensive, but it uses up a metrical 'beat.'
    Metre matters in prose as much as in poetry, and the wordcount is a yardstick for the reader's limited attention
    I hate it when writers try to spice up their dialogue tags. J.K. Rowling: "Snape!" ejaculated Slughorn
    And I think if we're conscious of it, so will be the reader

    I also hate loaded dialogue tags like "retorted" or "claimed." This tells-not-shows. And moreover: the available tag-words never quite fit what the character is doing verbally and socially - which (if we portray life sincerely) is always more than one thing. It might be a "retort" to ourselves, a "reply" to our antagonist, and an "answer" to the onlooker - but as writers we have to pick one.

    Even in a simple observed dialogue, there is not only what is said but what isn't said. Good, natural dialogue should manage to get the unsaid across to the reader. Conventionally we do this by not saying it - and that's a shame because we could easily come up with a punctuation mark for what people aren't saying... when they say things. Some writers do put the characters' real thoughts in italics beside their speech - that's a bit like what I mean.

    Personally I force myself never to use any dialogue tags. If it isn't obvious who is speaking, I haven't established the characters well enough yet.
    I can't recommend it as a perfect solution; it causes peculiarities like:-
    - characters saying the other person's name too often
    - resisting having 3 or more characters speaking
    - any background scenery is forced out / made dark
    - leaving a dialogue often wants a scene break

    From the OP's list I only like:-

    "hollered" - because it shows how the character speaks whilst being almost neutral to the content (it might imply flippancy)
    "I admitted" - because in 1st-P it shows the character's attitude to their own words

    added, continued, went on (etc) I probably read all the time without noticing, but I find them redundant: the writing describing itself
     
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  19. w. bogart

    w. bogart Contributor Contributor Blogerator

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    This article was just posted of the story grid site, on this topic.
    https://storygrid.com/dialogue-tags/
    Hope that helps
     
  20. Bus Chaser

    Bus Chaser New Member

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    Oh NICE!

    So, I read this, and while half of these, especially the tags above, sound reasonable, I struggle to see something like, "'He's my brother,' she DIVULGED." as coming off naturally. It's interesting how these work.

    Something like "quip" too. That's weird to me because a quip is understood more so from the contents of a sentence than a tone, although there is, of course, an accompanying intonation many of the times.
     
    Last edited: Jun 10, 2023
  21. evild4ve

    evild4ve Critique is stranger than fiction Supporter Contributor

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    quoth

    'None of them skazatted a word or nodded even I got more razdraz inside, calmer out. ‘I,’ I said, ‘have been in charge long now. We are all droogs, but somebody has to be in charge. Right? Right?'

    Skazatted is only used once - it has to be admired coining a word just for flow/tone
    If we can't accept any alternatives to a word, the onus is on us to make a new word
    Skazatted must be marked speech in nadsat - and surely if it pushed out the regular 'said' the language's speakers would abbreviate it somehow. Maybe it could become sk'd, which typoglycaemia makes look enough like said.

    Feersum Endjinn - sed
     
  22. Alcove Audio

    Alcove Audio Contributor Contributor

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    I went through the list. I didn't see the word "told." I use that instead of explained.

    "Growled" was under emotion, but I've been using it for a character with a gravelly voice. That's his version of a whisper.

    I guess that it all comes down to context.
     
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  23. deadrats

    deadrats Contributor Contributor

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    I actually like this list more than I thought I would. I've always been a big believer in just sticking with said for the most part, but I might try out a few of these suggestions. Thanks for sharing the link.
     

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