1. GuardianWynn

    GuardianWynn Contributor Contributor

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    The Order: Forever a Warrior

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by GuardianWynn, Apr 2, 2018.

    Yeah I suck at titles.

    Actually I have been so inactive here. lol. And I haven't written anything in like six months. It was like a brick to the face realizing that but life has been.... stressful.

    So I have this story its about a 13k short story. And I think as far as a story structure goes, like plot length and just general craft stuff(not sure if I am using that right. I am a bit of touch, be gentle!) it was one of my best. But it wasn't perfect. And I thought trying to rewrite and improve it could be a fun opening return to writing project.

    So I thought before I started it may be interesting to see what you guys think of the general plot and see if you have any idea or spot any mistakes I never noticed. :D



    So, the plot is about a mid thirties woman that used to be a soldier and is considered a war criminal, she is in hiding and currently lives as a high school teacher in a bad area(by choice, she wants to help the difficult kids.)

    She is pressured by the principle(that knows her secret) to teach a self defense class, which she resists because she doesn't want anything to remind her of her old life. She eventually agrees.

    One kid, who seems extra troubled is trying to learn to fight for revenge. He is under the impression that a local gang was responsible for father's murder. (They are not, but they are actively taking credit for something that can't be proven as a way to increase their reputation for being dangerous.)

    The kid(well high school so I guess teen) is not giving up and the teacher realizes that she is the one that was responsible for the murder of the kids father. This puts the teacher into a odd situation, and the kid is essentially going to get himself killed but the teacher really doesn't want to get involved.

    Though as you probably can guess, she does get involved, hence the title. She learns she can't just discard the warrior inside her. This leads her to eventually taking on the entire gang to end the problem, which in some ways is tough for her(she is out of practice.)



    Thats the bare bones. Though a note I would like to add about my own personal enjoyment to the idea. She doesn't regret that she was involved in the fathers death. She believed she did the right thing back them, but that doesn't stop her from feeling bad for his situation. And she helps him but never reveals what she did. She instead encourages the kid to try and move on. Instead of revenge to live a good life and to give his father more meaning by being a good man.

    Okay, any thoughts?
     
  2. DapperDespot

    DapperDespot New Member

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    How did she become a war criminal (especially at what would be considered a young age)? A teenager seems more likely to try to buy a gun for revenge against a whole gang than learning to fight. Does the setting offer a restriction for guns (e.g. take place in a country with strict gun laws)? Why did this woman murder his father (especially in such a way that a gang could take credit for it)?

    Just some questions I thought of when I looked over your synopsis.
     
  3. halisme

    halisme Contributor Contributor

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    1. What did she do to be classed as a war criminal? Considering that under current codes that means use of a chemical weapon, torture, killing non-combatants, bombing religious buildings and so on.

    2. If she's trying to hide why is she working in the public sector?

    3. Why doesn't the kid just buying a weapon or try to form his own gang?

    4. What sort of soldier is deployed within a city and kills in such a way that it can be misconstrued as a gang?

    5. Why doesn't she just report the situation to the authorities?

    6. Why doesn't she just get a weapon and solve the issue?
     
  4. GuardianWynn

    GuardianWynn Contributor Contributor

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    Just to be clear, you mean her mid thirties is a young age?

    And no there is no restriction on guns. Though, I'll address that with the next quote since ya both asked.

    Well, why the woman murdered him is mostly irrevalent as it happened in her past. Technically she had no reason though, she was part of a group. The group had a reason and she just followed orders.

    1. She did all of those actually. lol. I wasn't sure if war criminal was accurate I just used it more as a description to be fast, but apperently its accurate lol.

    2. Well, she has a fake identity because her original name was tied to the crimes. But beyond that she isn't exactly too scared of being recognized, and she isn't on TV or anything. Just in a school trying to make a new life. I still think this counts as hiding but maybe not as actively as I implied?

    3. So the kids plan, its a bit more developed now and as a result. I dont think he is in the class for revenge. Plot wise its just how the girl meets him. Originally I figured there'd be a correlation but I am backing off to that now.

    Okay, so the kid angry at what happened to his father(years before if I didn't say that) he steals something important and would get the guy sent to jail as well his revenge. When he goes to turn it in, he realizes the cop is on the bad guys payroll and runs away but he was now idenitied. So the gangster bad guy is now hunting the kid. He later gets help from the girl. To abridge it briefly. So I think the logic here is. He signed up for self defense before he stole the item. But now that he is being hunted, and unsure what to do, and well over his head. He thinks, might as well continue learning self defense, perhaps it can help. And he rushes to gain the more useful techniques, and this being a red flag to the girl that clues her into the situation being bad.

    4. Well, her murder was more covert. No one knew she did it. And it was years back. So the gangster's logic is. He can start a rumor, and the cops can't prove he did. So he can sort of brag he got away with murder.

    5. I suppose she can technically do that. I mean, she did some help for the new ID. lol.

    6. That is exactly what she does do. lol That's the point of the story. Her coming out of retirement essentially. Or learning, she can still pick up her arms occassionally and not lose herself to them.
     
  5. halisme

    halisme Contributor Contributor

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  6. GuardianWynn

    GuardianWynn Contributor Contributor

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    Yeah this is where my terms may have failed me. The orginaztion she was with was more like a terrorist group. And they assassinated the father because of his political position but never took credit for it.

    Does that answer your question more properly?
     
  7. halisme

    halisme Contributor Contributor

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    Then she was part of a terrorist group. Not a soldier. They tend not to have much training.
     
  8. GuardianWynn

    GuardianWynn Contributor Contributor

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    At this point I think your focusing a bit too much on the terms lol. I mean I described her as a soldier because that is sort of how she behaves. And she was trained. Even if a trained terrorist is less common it's certainly possible and even if it wasn't it's a fiction story. Lol ya know?
     
  9. DapperDespot

    DapperDespot New Member

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  10. halisme

    halisme Contributor Contributor

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    I think that focusing on wording in writing is kinda important, but sure. At the moment I can picture this plot being used in an 80s action film.
     
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  11. GuardianWynn

    GuardianWynn Contributor Contributor

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    Do you personally consider the 80s action reference to be a positive or negative comment?

    And yes obviously words are important in writing but there is a difference between the 13+ short story in his full glory and a 300 word description.

    I used war criminal not googling if it was technically accurate but as a way to try and get across quickly that she is or was

    A bad person
    A knowledgeable fighter
    Someone to be taken seriously

    And I have often lost people in topics like this by being too long winded. So the thought in my head was that those two words could save me many. I never have nor intended to literally call her a war criminal. Ya know?
     
  12. halisme

    halisme Contributor Contributor

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    It feels very cheesy.

    Yes, in the small description accuracy of words matters more as you have less of them.

    A reminder that war criminals are often the higher up people who didn't do anything fighting, but gave orders. Not to mention that you don't need to to be a skilled fighter to shoot someone who's injured.
     
  13. big soft moose

    big soft moose An Admoostrator Admin Staff Supporter Contributor Community Volunteer

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    to be fair some countries use their special forces internally for politically motivated assassinations or disappearing inconvenient objectors - Pinochet's Chile being one such example, and Columbia's war against the cartels being another, a third being Rhodesia (lots of other's mostly in the third or second world)

    It's not beyond the realm of possibility that the woman could have been part of a political hit squad prior to a change in regime and is now living under a false identity because their real persona is wanted for crimes committed while in the employ of the previous regime.
     
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  14. halisme

    halisme Contributor Contributor

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    Very true, but that starts a bunch of world building questions.
     
  15. GuardianWynn

    GuardianWynn Contributor Contributor

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    Yeah. World building is often considered by better trait. Which may explain part of the issue here.

    This idea is part of a world and this character exists in other stories as a villian so this is sort of her epilogue as a short story for fun.
     

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