I am having a tough time in plot development on my latest novel. The parameters are kind of tight. The novel itself, from start to finish, would be less than two days. However, this puts my characters; caught, literally with the hand on the till; at 15:00 PM. The plot requires a night-time situation next, but that cannot happen until 21:00 PM since it is Spring in North America in this novel. That gives me 6 hours where the characters are held in captivity, but I would like something more in depth than just, "Scott watched the time slip lazily by on his watch?" I could add a chapter, but I would like something meaningful to happen, and not just fluff to pass the time. Any ideas?
Well how are the characters feeling? Are they frightened? Trying to escape? Are they able to talk to their captors or each other? Are they unconscious? Bored? More information about the plot would make it easier to help. But if there isn't anything necessary to advance the characters or the plot, I would just skip to the next interesting bit.
Have them reflect on things, like events that landed in their situation. IDK, every time I have an MC captrued they are alone, in the dark (literal), and usually not fairing too well or wanting to hear/see the door open. Granted yours sounds far less involved, and more like a ; we got caught by the baddies, could you send in a few fellows to get us out, type sitch. At least that is how it comes off based on the little you have given. So if they are together they can talk about things, life, what they are gonna do, or plans in the future. Something. it isn't like days or months are passing, until they get bailed out. Also you can just skip it if you don't really need to fill in 6 hrs of dead air until the plot picks back up again.
I think I pulled it off by intensifying the "they got caught moment", and then skipping the 6 hours of delay with nothing really meaningful happening...but you can be the judge. You would really have to know how railroad yards work, and how vile they are, because railroad yards are nasty places. That is because when railroad cars full of grain slam together to knuckle up, the jarring will often cause the hatches to spill out some grain, causing a railroad yard to have a lot of rats. I mean THOUSANDS of them! In this situation I have the hero and his love interest running from an office with the incriminating evidence that will prove their innocence, and the villain's guilt, into the bottom of a hump yard. While ducking under, around, and over railroad cars slamming all around them, they also have to endure stepping on rats that are so prolific the round shimmers with them, and swarm in waves as they rush towards the next meal of spilled grain. The woman then takes the binder of evidence, and puts it in a empty box car to hide it for later, then the two emerge and promptly get caught. At that point I just had them get caught at gun point, and progress to the next scene that must be at dark, 6 hours later. They are grabbed, thrown in a truck, and hauled to a bridge... On the revised addition, I decided to intensify the caught scene. “Come on Ditch, knock this shit off. We got things to do, like have Scott tell us what you did with those maps.” Scott was not sure what to say, and looked at Jennifer for salvation. Jennifer cowered in fear of another slap, but pointed defiantly to the bowl tracks filled with railroad cars. “I put the binder in one of those railroad cars,” she said trying not to smirk. “Good luck finding it?” “Who said we would go looking for it? I’ve got the gun...and your boyfriend. Oh no, you're going to go retrieve it…barefoot.” “No”, Jennifer screamed at the absolute cruelty of it!! “Then tell us where you put that three ring binder?” There was a hesitation as Jennifer looked at Scott lying on the ground, still coughing up blood, but hoping for some degree of direction when Kendrick grew upset at her reluctance. “Take her shoes off then”, Kendrick demanded of Ditch with a snarl. However, at the mere thought of walking barefoot over the sea of rats, Jennifer tuned and began to throw-up. “She’s pregnant guys, just let her be.” “Barefoot and pregnant; how fitting”, Kendrick said, but as Jennifer leaned over to puke gain, Ditch had gripped her right shoe to tug it off. Jennifer had just finished throwing up, and could speak, and thus blurted out the boxcar numbers. “TTX 502051” At this, Ditch just looked at Kendrick, his hand still gripping her sneaker; silently asking for a directive at the woman’s sudden reversal. “Alright then, go get the binder Ditch, then let’s get them out of here before someone sees them". I thought, and perhaps wrongly, that the added intensity showed how cruel the villain could be in thoughts and threatening, and the reader would be still contemplating the horror of what that would have been like for the woman had she been forced to wade through the sea of rats, instead of focusing on what was happening in the six hours of wait time between scenes. In other words, the woman was so scared that she was puking. Its not a stretch for the reader to realize they were under duress as they waited for nightfall while handcuffed. Thoughts?
They will definitely need to pee? That will give them something to think about. And no, I'm not joking.
Well she is (2) months along and not 9 months because then it sure would be a problem. Oh my, at 9 months I don't think we got out of the driveway before the wife had to go to the bathroom...again! But I admit, I did not have a 7.2 ounce baby flopping around next to my bladder either, so I was sympathetic.
6 hours without a pee would do me in ...even if I had JUST had a pee before this all happened. And it would certainly be a worry, unless, of course, they just went ahead and peed themselves. But it's one thing that would occupy their minds, I reckon. Not to mention the discomfort of being physically trapped and unable to move or sit or stand or whatever it is they can't do? Adding to the worry of what might happen next? I think the 6 hour wait will be anything but boring. They will also get thirsty, and maybe hungry? Put yourself in their position, as yourself and also as the characters (taking into account their personalities.) That should enable you to come up with something to 'fill' those hours. You don't have to write 6 hours' worth of real time suffering, but it will give you an idea of what they'd be going through during that period. Which is almost the entire length of a standard working day.
My attempt at humor might have watered down your reply because it is a very valid one. Just a basic human need could take a stale novel into one that is more authentic and powerful, with a little work. In in a simple, "show-don't tell" write-up, just having the female character have to move herself to the corner of a boxcar and relieve herself before her lover and her captives could be powerful...the act showing embarrassment, the dynamics of the powerplay, and the insulting truth of her captivity. Or, in getting inside the characters thoughts, just that one act could depict her former status. A single sentence could easily describe her embarrassment of staying at the Parker Inn in Boston just two days before with her family, and now she is squatting in the corner of a boxcar. Not to mention her thoughts as she scrambles for something to wipe. It sounds disgusting I know, but that too is a stressor for a victim. Unfortunately, the cliché in novels is to have the need be faked so that an attempt at escape can be made. But with a little creativity, a simple human need could play out with a reader thinking, "I never thought of that before." And that is not a bad thing for a writer to do!
I guess my question would be...to you @jannert ...but also other writers is...where does a person draw the line? In my sample written in red above, I was not sure how far to take the situation. To have the villain even suggest that she be forced to walk across rodent infested ground barefoot shows the inner most depravity of the villain, but I did not overly describe what could transpire with details, because I did not want to overly disgust the reader either. In some ways it seems the pace of the writing is too quick, and so the reader goes from a threat to the woman love interest by the villain, to puking. But at the same time, goodness if I was to go into any detail about what such a walk would really be like, we would all shudder with the creeps. Part of me wants to toss this part entirely out, and yet, since it is coming at the moment of capture for the novel, I almost want to exploit the depravity of the villain even more. I mean, it does not get much worse for a person than this, but have paced the story enough for a reader to deduce that?
Okay, maybe approach this from a slightly different perspective. What do you want the reader to take from this scene? Not so much 'what happened in the scene,' but why is it included in the first place. I'm not saying it shouldn't be, by any means. I'm just trying to get you focused on why you are including it. What do you want that scene to accomplish? What do you want the reader to know, at the end of the scene, that they don't know at the beginning of it? What emotional state do you want your readers to be in, once they start reading the NEXT scene or chapter? What do you want them to remember about that scene, as the story moves along? Why is that scene important?
Ok I know nothing so take this with a pinch of salt... First and foremost, do the characters know they will be held for 6hours or less or indefinitely? Secondly are the characters held against their will by Law Enforcement or some other gang pressure? These two questions are not in your opening statement, but when answered tell the mental or emotional stress the characters face. For example, if I’m arrested for a bar fight and locked up overnight in a local jail what’s my feeling? I’m in no real danger and in the morning, I’ll be let out with a telling off and a fine. Them six hours of captivity will involve boredom and reflection but no tension. However, if I’m caught trying to steal 2k of coke from a dealer’s warehouse my perception changes. I’m held against my will, and I don’t know for how long. I know the Big Boss will becoming and he’ll interrogate me. What then, a cap in the ass? So, these two scenarios depict the character in the same situation, but could evolve into very different outcomes. Take Protagonist1 with an average temperate of 5. In senario1 he becomes less stressed and more reflective, even working out a plot plan. The forced incarceration in fact helps him in his story arc... look at Lee Child and Jack Reacher. His emotional state from anger turns to calm temperament falling to 3. The second scenario however is different. I’m held against my will outside the Judicial Law of the land. I’m not in protective custody for a fixed length of time. For each hour that passes my stress level builds and my whole temperament rises. In the jail cell I’m protected by law and I reason an overnight stay. Here though I’ve no idea how long I’ll be held or my final fate. My stress level will build as time passes... 7 or 8. I won’t feel as scarred at first compared to four hours later. My irrational thinking will be low at first but grows in influence as time passes... My character’s traits push to there exertional limits as time passes due to fear of the inevitable. Panic etc... The 6hours are a bridge, but once crossed the characters traits must have changed and help the plot move along... As I said at the start take it for what it worth... or go out and start a bar fight! MartinM.
Sounds like a great place to have a character moment, maybe some brief foreshadowing of a character choice later on, or an explanation for a weird behavior elsewhere. I know you said you're opposed to "fluff", but a character moment is not fluff if it's a part of the plot and establishes themes. That, and something annoying in a lot of stories is a long strain of too high tension. Giving some lower tension for a while can help the reader breathe. Have the characters prepare, have them assess their surroundings, and have them solve a mini problem together. Have someone confess something he did bad. Have someone talk about their fear of death. Something like that.
Just as some background: this is a pretty big spot in the novel. The main character, and his love interest; have just got the proof they need on why the villain engaged in domestic terrorism that resulted in 8 deaths. That proof is in the form of a binder now sitting in a boxcar, in a sea of boxcars. The main character is being blamed for the terrorism by the powers that be, and the general public as well. But one final act needs to take place for the villain to get his way. Now caught, the main character and his love interest, are headed off to a bridge where they will be killed with this final act that is to look like suicide/sabotage (but it is really murder/sabotage). So the stakes are pretty high...
Well in Intensity by Dean Kootz - he had the mc Chynna chasing a serial killer over the course of maybe 2 days? and the book was like 400 pages because he slipped in backstory. When Chynna was in a tight spot she'd recall moments of her own unhappy childhood and how she was terrorized by her stepfather so that the story had some depth and delayed some of the action. If you added in a subplot like this or a cut away to another character - a brother, sibling, friend - that could add another layer of tension and depth.
I am going to try an write in a separate chapter today, and see how that plays out. Sometimes by starting a new chapter, and writing an alternative scene, I can decide if I want to keep or delete the new section, depending on how much I think it adds to the novel. This is more of a major moment then I first thought, so I am glad I brought it up to all of you. I deleted my original post twice thinking, "Oh that is silly", but again, everyone has made some great points and suggestions.
