"The boy sat at the edge of the Silver Memorial Bridge, full moon above and the Ohio River below. West Virginia on his right, Ohio on his left. Though he was too young to know it, he was sitting in a place of..." Can anyone help me with that last sentence? I want it to say that he's in a place of "middles" or "in betweens." Between the earth and the sky, and between two states. But I can't think of a way to say it that's not overly wordy and complicated.
I don't fully understand the context but you could use terms like 'neither here nor there'. Although your own examples are fine too.
This is the best I've been able to come up with, but I don't really like it. "This was a place of in-betweens. Between two states. Between the earth and the sky. And between the life he’d always known, and the beginning of his new destiny."
Maybe try this on for size? Though he was too young to know it, he was sitting between two states; between the earth and sky; and between the life he'd always known. He was sitting at the beginning of his new destiny. If it's going to come up later, you don't need to specify that the bridge is between two states right now. It can always be explained later, leaving you more freedom to make this line a bit more elegant. (Edited this bit). Less importantly, proper grammar. I'm not one to require perfect or even mostly perfect grammar, I do like the semicolon. It's used to connect multiple independent clauses that need to go together. Of course, this kind of thing is more about art than following rules. As long as it makes sense and it reads well, it can break as many grammatical laws at it wants to. Least, that's how I see it.
Though he was too young to know it, at this moment his world was in perfect balance. The slightest motion, the most innocent urge, would tilt his life toward new horizons.
If you want to keep the same lines it is going to be difficult. I would think about using the two lines separately. It sounds like it could be epic so don't fight it. The kind of line that makes the readers curl their feet with pleasure. Like when you watch a woman with a bar of chocolate. Or watching your kids as they watch Dobby die (Rowling has a heart of stone!) Sometimes the rule book needs to spend some time in the cupboard while the writer and their imagination make out for a little while. I didn't want to spend too long on this but maybe you could build on this: The boy sat with his feet hanging over the edge of the Silver Memorial Bridge. The light of the full moon swept underneath him, carried on the Ohio River. It was like he was on a boat, he could sail to West Virginia or right back up to Ohio. Hell, he could fly right up to the moon if he wanted or dive deep into the water. That's the thing about being a kid; anything is possible but more than that, he never realised the reality of that place...
I took some liberties: The boy sat on the edge of the Silver Memorial Bridge, full moon above him and the Ohio River running dark below. He sat on a knife's edge but was too young to realize it: West Virginia on his right, Ohio on his left. . .
How about something like "The boy sat at the edge of the Silver Memorial Bridge, full moon above and the Ohio River below. West Virginia on his right, Ohio on his left. Though he was too young to know it, he was sitting in the middle of everything and the centre of nothing." Or "The boy sat at the edge of the Silver Memorial Bridge, full moon above and the Ohio River below. West Virginia on his right, Ohio on his left. Though he was too young to know it, he was sitting where everything met nothing." Or "The boy sat at the edge of the Silver Memorial Bridge, full moon above and the Ohio River below. West Virginia on his right, Ohio on his left. Though he was too young to know it, he was sitting in a place that was neither one thing nor another." Or "The boy sat at the edge of the Silver Memorial Bridge, full moon above and the Ohio River below. West Virginia on his right, Ohio on his left. Though he was too young to know it, he was sitting in a place of intermediates." What you are trying to convey by the sentence?
Personally I'd use this. This is just lovely and full of tension, while still being melancholic. Beautiful.
Here's how I currently have it: Full moon above. The Ohio River below. West Virginia on his right, Ohio on his left. Six year old Zander Meeks sat on the edge of the Silver Memorial Bridge, kicking his legs over the forty foot drop in naïve innocence. This, though he was too young to realize it, was a place of in-betweens. Between two states. Between the earth and the sky. And between the life he’d always known, and the destiny he was about to have thrust upon him.
With the moon above mirrored in the Ohio river below, West Virginia on his right, Ohio on his left... ...this was a place of convergence, the place where his life before and the destiny about to be thrust upon him would meet. (or collide.) I would skip "between two states," etc. and get straight to the corollary about destiny and whatnot. The first sentence covers the between thing already.
. . . he was sitting in a Janus place. You could invent a new figure of speech by playing on the idea of 'Janus', the Greek god of doors, gates, thresholds, and other separations or openings between spatial boundaries. Your readers will think, 'I haven't heard that one before,' but if write like it already exists, your readers are likely to assume it does. The trick would be to explain it without letting on that you're doing so only because you know it's new to the reader.
Confluences, maybe? No man's land. A melting pot. A launching pad. Transitions. Beginnings. Choices. Opportunities. Fulcrum. Tipping point. Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am...
