Hello, I'm wondering if someone can help me. I've read a lot about tenses in fiction lately. So much so, I'm no constantly doubting and second guessing myself. I don't have any formal writing training and didn't have a good English teacher at school, so apologies if this question is really dumb. But I'm really keen to improve my writing. I've made up (see below) examples of things I am struggling with. Does the below all make sense tense wise? The bit in particular that confuses me is the 'let out a laugh'. EXAMPLE #1 “Remember, John,” laughed Clair as she reached the exit. “However much you act the big guy, they’ll always remember you standing there with your pants down.” With that, she sarcastically waved at all the shocked office workers and marched out the door. Somewhere in the corridor outside, someone let out a laugh and John turned bright red with shame. EXAMPLE #2 (eg, 'was quieter', 'beginning') The park was quieter than usual for a summer's day. As John and Claire approached, the sun was beginning to set. Claire took a deep breath, she was dreading what John was about to say. Thanks in advance for help on this. Sorry if it's all blindingly obvious. And if anyone can recommend a really good book/resource to study tenses or things like this, I'm all ears.
That's all totally fine past tense. Outside the tense realm, you have one run-on sentence: Claire took a deep breath, she was dreading what John was about to say. This is two complete sentences tied together with a comma, which is an error. You could either make this two separate sentences: Claire took a deep breath. She was dreading what John was about to say. or you could separate the sentences with a semicolon instead of a comma: Claire took a deep breath; she was dreading what John was about to say.
Your tenses are fine. If you just think yourself into 'storytelling' mode while you're writing, you'll probably be fine. Past tense is the most natural form for storytelling. Others can work as well, but nobody ever questions past tense. It just seems 'right.' Once upon a time, there was a...
