Context: fantasy short story; twin sisters (aged 15; live with their father) are at odds over a supernatural ritual. One sister is determined to perform the ritual, the other is against it. They both believe it is likely to work but disagree over whether the result is desirable or not. I want sister A to have three opportunities, or make three attempts, to stop sister B from performing the ritual, with the stakes rising after each attempt or opportunity until we get to the third one, which is at the climax. I need something for the first attempt. For the second attempt, sister A gives sister B something to make her sick (not dangerous, but enough to hopefully keep her in bed). The ritual is time-sensitive, and if she can keep her sister unable to perform it for a 24-hour period it will be too late. This backfires, because sister B is determined to go through with it anyway, and being sick from the substance just makes the ritual that much more dangerous to perform. The third attempt (or opportunity, in this case) is at the climax, where sister A can simply do nothing and her sister will likely die, the ritual will fail, and the undesirable result will not come to pass. Or she can do something to save her sister B. I look at the first attempt by sister A as being something relatively benign. I've thought of things like saying something to their father, for example, maybe trying to get sister B grounded until it is too late to perform the ritual. I don't really like that answer. Another approach is that the first attempt could simply be an appeal by sister A to sister B, using logic or emotion or both, to try to get her to change her mind. I like that one a little better, but I'm not sure of it. Any ideas on what a sister might do, as a first course of action not a last resort, to stop her sibling from doing something that 1) might be dangerous; and 2) if successful would lead to a result the first sister doesn't want?
I like the option to have Sister A appeal to Sister B. It works because they're twins, and something like Sister A threatening to disown Sister B would be pretty huge for twins, but it's relatively benign in that no physical harm will come as a result. It also presents Sister B with the choice between her sister or continuing down her own path, but not in the way the poisoning would do, because that's oblique. It works, I think, as the first step, because it can demonstrate Sister B's rigidity about performing this ritual. If she'll do it, even with the threat of losing her twin sister, that says a lot.
Hey, thank you for this. You know, you've really hit on something here that hadn't occurred to me--the idea that it gives Sister B the choice between her sister or the path she wants. In the climax, with the third choice/opportunity, that is exactly the choice Sister A has when things go wrong at the ritual. So the appeal as a first option mirrors the climax nicely. If you hadn't mentioned that I would have gone ahead without realizing that particular connection. This is why I post questions on the forums
There's a lot of subtext here. Why is Sister B so rigid about this ritual, and why is she oblivious or uncaring about the possible outcome—which Sister A seems to not want at all? Why does she see the situation differently from Sister A (whom I assume is the POV character?) See if you can delve into why these two have such different viewpoints, and work with that. In order to be persuasive and get Sister B to change her mind, Sister A has to have some notion of what's motivating her sister to go ahead with the ritual. Why do they both want different outcomes? I think your answer will lie somewhere inside this issue. Why? What sister A does will depend on what she thinks will get Sister B to change her mind. So focus on 'why.'
I recently had a story where there was a section with three tries of sorts. But them I was like, "Why do I have three? It's always three strikes and you're out or whatever. I took out one of the tries, and the story is so much better for it. I'm not saying three of something can't work, but it seems like it's done a lot. Maybe that's because it works, but maybe more or fewer tries would make your story seem a little fresher.
I suppose three is fairly common, but I feel it works here. The first attempt is the verbal appeal. The second is more drastic, borne of desperation. It doesn’t make sense to me to go straight to that. The third is less of an attempt per se, and more of “what do I do in light of botching the second attempt?”
Done well, it would be as you describe it, tense, terrifying, exciting. Or it becomes a kind of twee tiresomeness, 'oh get on with it, you brats.' Ouija still had power to frighten a half dozen of us 30 years ago - in a vicarage of all places
What if you cut the verbal warning? Or added a forth try, but that might seem like it's dragging things out. IDK. It can work, I'm sure. People use three all the time. But because people use three all the time, I was thinking it might be better to go with another option. But you're the writer. You know the story and what will work. Good luck with it.
Thanks for the well-wishes. Originally, I had a lot more planned, but my last draft was 5700 words. My target is 4500 words. So I’m resisting the urge to expand the story if I can avoid it and still make it work.
Sure, three has been done before, but that's because it's rife with symbolism, mysticism, religiosity, and myth. In this case, the use of three is making use of an archetype in the way we're meant to make use of them. Just using that number alone is adding a certain tone to the narrative, and given that it's about some kind of fantastical ritual, I think it's a pretty smart use. There are times to buck what's been done, do something different. And there are times to embrace what's been done before, deliberately, purposefully. If there's ever a time to lean on a number for its symbolism, this seems like a good place. Just my thoughts.
