Looking for ideas that would fit the ending question of the snippet below in a humorous fashion, ideally puns that would fit. the MC is a gnome falling from a great height. Kinda stuck for good lines, and trying to get the creativity flowing here. Snippet: There was something below him growing closer. A mountain range, it sure seemed like mountains the closer he got. That wasn’t good. Was that a flat spot? If he was going to hit the ground with a splat better there than bouncing down a mountainside. There was something on the flat spot. Something soft to break his fall would be too much to hope for. After falling this long, he didn’t think there would be anything soft enough to let him survive this. Was that a man on the flat spot? And I thought I was having a bad day! What kind of epitaph would this guy get? Gnome, but not forgotten. He found a way gnome.
I know this isn't specifically what you're asking for, but I think it's important to what you're trying to do, at least the way you've presented it here. The way you did the last 2 sentences, his inner thoughts, without italics, dialogue tags or quotation marks, is more appropriate to either first person or a very close or deep third. It feels jarring because the previous part is written in a much shallower or more distant third. I think it's because everything in the paragraph (the entire story, aside from action and external dialogue) should be his own inner dialogue, but you handled the early parts as narration, and suddenly the last 2 sentences are his own thoughts as he's thinking them. In deep third the narration is identical to the character's thoughts, so they would all be presented as inner dialogue. There's no separation between a narrator and the thinker, they're identical (he is the narrator). So it would be more like this: What's that coming up below now? Mountain range? Looks like it. Oh, that's not good. He'd rather Better to hit with a big splat than bounce down a mountainside. Wait—is that a flat spot, off to the left a little bit? He adjusted the angle of his body like a sky diver in freefall until he was shooting right toward it. He doubted Doubtful there's anything soft enough to break his fall though. Wait—what the hell... is that a man standing on the flat spot? And Gnomey McGnomington (sorry, don't gnow his gname) thought he was having a bad day—this poor guy was about to get flattened out of the clear blue. He won't even gnome what hit him! Alas poor Yorik—I gnew him well. Will they even be able to identify the remains? Hopefully he's got some gname identification. Lol ok, that last pun is a big stretch, too big I think. In a couple of places, where I originally wrote he, I changed it to be indeterminate, because it's a little jarring to see all this inner monologue, which feels like first person, and then there's a he instead of an I. Sometimes you need a he, like when it switches to action rather than monologue ('He adjusted the angle of his body... '). But wherever you can just remove the pronoun, I would do it. And people often think in abbreviated form, dropping pronouns—'Better to' or 'Doubtful that'. It's not that it's abbreviated, it's a form that doesn't require a pronoun. Actually the pronoun would be an inferred it—referring to the action—'It's better to...'. I'm sure this has a name (paging @Seven Crowns), but I don't gnow what it is. And gnow it's gnawing at me. Oh, somebody stop me! Or if you don't want to have to go through and change the POV of your entire story, just use quotation marks, dialogue tags, or italics for inner dialogue.
Thanks, i didn't even realize the POV problem there, it all just flowed at the time. This is first pass so I expect issues to clean up. The gnome what hit him comment was was on the mark for what I was looking for. The second was so big a stretch the elastic broke.
It was a cat. One of the genetically modified cats he had heard about. Of course, a cat had nine lives so he could be forgiven for taking one of them.
What kind of epitaph would this guy get? He's gone home, no more to roam. He caught a falling gnome to the dome. R.I.P.
A swing and a miss. A genetically modified cat is an anacronism in a fantasy setting. Especially without a cat cozy subgenre.
Laughing okay, cut the GM, and if it's a cat it can be a fantasy rainbow cat of any size or pronoun. The fact cats have nine lives is fantasy, yes? So the cat and the gnome could become friends after it saved the gnomes life. The rainbow cat takes the gnome back to where it lives so the gnome isn't 'ghnomeless'
Location for this is the underworld. The gnomes landing pad is a twist of Promethius. After bouncing off the figures stomach, like a tampoline, the MC wonders about the others ab work out.
Indeed, Mogador. "Oh no, not again". For the original poster: Let's hope the gnome managed OK and went back to the farm. Gnome, gnome on the range ...
