How to punctuate a hesitation in dialogue

How should I punctuate this?

“Sorry Eric. It was a different team. One not previously involved in Delta. We needed to rule out -” Dominic hesitated, “- external influences.”

I’ve read a few different sites which suggest different things - one said to use dashes, another said dashed in another place, and another said ellipses. So I don’t know which is right and I’ve mangled it now

 

This is something people have bizarrely strong views on.

Personally I use ellipsis because every reader knows how to parse ... regardless of where it is in the sentence. Whether it's marking a long pause in the middle of run on sentences or punctuating two separate speech fields with an action in the middle everyone knows that it means 'unvoiced pause here' and that makes it the most comprhenable one to use. It's also very low profile, your eye barely even touches it, it just makes a physical gap in the line and that means you can use ellipsis to imply a specific rhythm to the speaker (if they are crying specifically) or to show disjointed speech patterns (so the ellipsis shows the end of spoken sentence that isn't grammatically correct); and to emphasize words (by physically sepearating them and showing the speaker has deliberately paused for emphasis).

Dashes are ok when people get cut off mid word but that's the only place I'll use them. Those '"What was tha-" Boom.' kind of situations. But I know that some people like dashes. I don't know why. But they do and I don't think they are wrong as such, just that ellipsis seems a perfectly serviceable way to punctuate dialogue (only dialogue mind) because it better translates how the character would actually be speaking.

I know some people like dashes though. No idea why.

 

Concur with the ellipsis, you can also introduce verbal cause, or as you indicated above, a beat. "Well is going well and then... ah, not so well" Not a lot of hard rules on this

 

I'd agree with ellipsis. But I'd probably skip the "Dominic hesitated" part. We know what ellipsis mean, so I don't think we need to spell it out.

 

Yeah agreed. I like think the ellipsis is just a very expressive piece of punctuation in speech. You can make it do a lot of work. Just giving a really slimline indication of a break in flow does a lot. Being able to show in this very direct sense that this speaker isn't the most confident in what they say without having to stop and say so lets you stay in the dialogue instead of dropping out to explain the dialogue and that's awesome. And if people are emotional or tired or are lying, well, yeah it's useful. And in theory you could use dashes like that but it just doesn't scan to have your dialogue dotted with them.

 

I feel like a dash is more like a complete cut off for a moment, whereas an ellipsis is more like someone is trailing off. But that's just my two cents on the subject

 

Another vote for the ellipsis and removing the tag.

 

The em dash is used to show an interruption.

An ellipses signifies missing words or a pause.

One need not trail off to pause but the em dash does indicate an abrupt stop.

 

Thanks guys. The consensus seems to be to use ellipses, either without the specific tag, or with something more descriptive. I want him to appear sheepish - he’s revealing that he suspected the person he’s talking to of tampering. S0:

“We needed to rule out... external influences.”
“We needed to rule out...” Dominic spread his hands and looked away. “External influences.”

Of the two, I think I prefer the latter. It gives the reader the sense of the pause, rather than it being melodramatic. Any opinions on that be welcome

 

The first one reads like he's leaving a dramatic pause so I wouldn't use that just as a matter of style. It reads more like "We need to rule out..." He dramatically put on his sunglasses, turning to an unseen camera. "...External influences."

The second one makes it much clearer that he's being reluctant or frustrated or somesuch but that's because of the description not because of the ellipsis and that's important to note here. In theory there is only one use for ellipsis which is to mark missing words but in practice it's more complicated when you're dealing with speech. In all cases ellipsis do mark missing words but the context of use can imply more than that. Sometimes ellipsis are marking that the speaker is literally leaving a pause or omitting words. Sometimes they are telling the reader that this piece of speech will run into the next set of speech marks; that the character is not necessarily pausing and the book itself is omitting the end of the sentence to do something else. A pause is sometimes still implied but often it's not. Often it's used to imply movement or action that is done simultaneously with speech. The ellipsis is the correct punctuation (because there are missing words) but it's use is slightly different.

On first look the second sentence doesn't scan as hesitant just by itself, it needs the action to have that. If it were me I'd write it like: "We, er..." Dominic spread his hands and looked away. "We needed to rule out external influences."

One thing of note; I may be incorrect but I believe that the correct grammar for using ellipsis for split sentences is with an ellipsis in each sentence. "I think the right way to use ellipsis is..." He gave a cautious smile. "...like this.". I think it's because in both cases there is missing words in the sentence and while the full context implies they run together, grammatically they are totally separate and that demands an indication that words are missing. Like I say, I may be wrong with that but I think that's the correct grammar in this case. And, secondary to that, I think that it's correct to use a lower case letter to pick up after that second ellipsis. The capital letter for starting a sentence is implicitly missing with the ellipsis marking that. You take the full version of the sentence and punctuate that as if there is no ellipsis, as if it's one single sentence with one capital letter.

It gets complicate though. In the sheepish version I suggested I think that it's right to begin with second sentence with a capital letter because the full version of that phrase would be: We, er... We needed to rule external influences. So in that cast the capital letter should be there because the ellipsis (use for an unvoiced pause) technically denotes the end of a spoken sentence in a non-grammatically correct place and so after that there needs to be a capital because the next We is the start of a whole new sentence, and that's also why it doesn't need another ellipsis before it, because it's a full sentence and there are no missing words to mark.

This is weird stuff to think about because I use ellipsis incessantly in my dialogue and I sort of just know how it's supposed to work. Actually trying to explain it (at least how I do it) to someone else makes my brain hurt a bit. You can use them for lots of things though and they are all subtly different and I genuinely might be wrong in how I've been using them but I think I've got it right.

 

LOL that is exactly what I meant with the first one! Either that or Austin Powers



Your explanation was really helpful, and I like the use of the "er..." and the repetition of "We". It makes it totally clear that he is hesitating because he's sheepish and embarrassed.

 

That's something I use a lot, possibly too much even, in my writing but I think they are really expressive and help to let the character communicate their meaning instead of having to do it with narration too. I really dislike the way that in many books characters always seem to talk in complete sentences and never stop to find the right word, it makes it feel so sterile. I like to think I write characters who sound like how real people speak and that means that it's quite messy and not especially fluent, at least not when they are emotional. There's something really different about the experience of reading stuff like that, getting the right rhythm to their speech that helps the reader to hear the character's voice. If someone's panting then write it like they are panting, you know?

But I know some people really hate it, again I don't really know why because to me it just seems better my way, but definitely some people hate it. I saw an actual agent who makes their money in the book industry who said (almost direct quote) only bad writers use ellipsis. This was the same woman who said that semi-colons are a clear sign of style which is just... Sometimes I find it hard to understand how other people think.

 

@LostThePlot
I've read good and bad examples of what you're describing. The worst would have to be The Unconsoled, where it felt so unnatural. It was like reading a transcript of a pantomime. But I guess if it's done subtly it can work well. I've always avoided writing words like "uh" and "um", but I like the way you structured it and it's making me think again about it.

 

It's all about context. I'm quite conscious that I do it too much, at least when I write naturally, but I make a conscious effort to cut back on it when I edit. I agree that done too much then it can be bad; it can get to the point where it's just hard to read the dialogue because no-one ever seems to finish a sentence and there's extra words every; that becomes a real chore to read it back. But I do think that it can be a good way to show and not tell how characters are feeling. I think when characters are crying then it's at it's most useful; so that you can have their dialogue read like someone who's really upset and not have to keep breaking out of this intense, important conversation to underline that they are still crying with constant narration. You can just stay in the moment with the characters and make the reader really hear their voice as they sob. It's also useful for when a character is lying or otherwise not saying exactly what they want to. It's a way to imply to the reader that this dialogue isn't totally trustworthy in a subtle way.

But again, you can over do it and you need to be careful with when and where you do this stuff, you should always be doing it with a real purpose. I'm a bit annoyed at myself that my dialogue does come out with lots of ellipsis in it (it's because I kinda hear my characters voices as I write and I put the pauses in even if it's not a big deal) but I think when it's edited down then it works well. You just have to be dispassionate and find the right balance between being expressive and being readable. When you are doing it to create a specific effect I think the reader is ok with that but not every which way. Especially when it's things like repeated words or ums and ers on top of ellipsis then that sucks to wade through, and in fact it means that when you do have a real purpose to doing it the reader won't notice because they don't see the difference to normal dialogue.

As ever; you need to do it in the right place and not too much. But it can be really useful and a very effective way to add meaning to dialogue.

 

Thanks @LostThePlot. That's all really great advice. I'm gonna bookmark this whole thread as it's going to be invaluable. Thank you everyone!

 

You're very welcome