So I'm trying to write a sleazy male character who has a girlfriend that he loves but to whom has a lot of trouble staying faithful. He kissed someone else a few months earlier and even full-on cheated on his girlfriend about a year before. He is attracted to the waitress at the diner he goes to and has trouble hiding the fact that he is infatuated with this new girl he meets. He also has sexually assaulted someone while drunk (which was the time he cheated on his girlfriend). The problem is I want him to be believable, but I feel like a guy this sleazy and horny just isn't. I also want to make him somewhat redeemable while still showing this major character flaw, because it's a big part of who he is in this story. Any tips?
Sexual assault isn't just a character flaw, and it's certainly not "cheating"; simple cheating assumes consent, and using the word for a major crime doesn't work. I think that if you want this story to be about anything but the fact that this guy is a serious criminal, you may need to leave that part out.
Yes! Thank you! For the last time, people. Sexual assault is not about sex, it is about power. Getting back to the OP, here's a story line you can use from something that happened to a friend in real life. Make the guy not just a cheater, but have him juggle an entire double life that even his best friend didn't know about. Have him take a second "job" that doesn't exist, and have him use this time to cheat. (The guy's best friend was so disgusted, he ended their childhood friendship and took the side of the girl who was cheated on, by the way.) Throw in a gambling addiction or something--clearly this guy is a guy who likes living on the edge.
What you're describing isn't just sleazy, but criminal, and possibly someone with a mental illness. What is your story about? Because from what you've described, if he's got a problem that severe, his problem is going to overshadow everything else in the story--which is fine, if your story is about a guy trying to redeem himself from his problem. However, it kind of feels like you're beating a dead horse by making him a criminal if your story isn't about his redemption.
I agree that sexual assault just isn't cool, and if you want your character to be redeemable, then it's probably best not to include that unless you also want to give him some major comeuppance (like time in jail) and remorse, etc. Unfortunately, the way you describe him, also describes a lot of people I've met in real life so I would say he's completely believable.
Honestly, this day and age, all a guy has to do is breathe. Every male character in your book is automatically sleazy by virtue of having a dick. ... A more serious, somewhat less bitter response, in spite of the fact that octogenarians in wheelchairs are now being accused of (and apologizing for!) sexual assault: use your characters to convey this kind of thing. The reader's judgment is suspect, not least because the reader may simply not agree with you. There are several forms of characterization and this kind ("The narrator said so!") is the weakest. Usually the strongest is actually watching a character in action ("actions speak louder than words," after all). Again, however, the reader may have a different opinion of a given action than the one you intend, and this is especially difficult where moral issues are concerned. Additionally, in this case it sounds like there is some concern that the actions you've selected may be over the top, and there's also a good chance you don't actually want to set up a scene to include them all. Well, I have good news: there are alternatives. You can also go based on what the character says about himself, or based on what other characters say about them. For the former, I would recommend what people in the persuasion business apparently call framing: the theory is that only the core content of a statement--the frame in which a discussion takes place--really works. You cannot invert that content with "no" or "not." In other words, when someone says, "I'm not sleazy," all the audience hears is, "I'm a fucking slime ball." You can use the character's denial of something to make the reader think it's true. For the latter, I would recommend having his girlfriend's friends and coworkers warn her that he's sleazy. She will deny it, of course, but see what I said above regarding framing: denying is worthless.
Wow. Divide and conquer attitudes like this are exactly why women are reluctant to report it. It's also why Weinstein got away with it. Sexual assault is NOT an issue of men vs. women, and women who try to educate people about this topic do not hate men.
Because male victims of sexual assault are just clamouring to tell everyone what happened. Back to topic. If you want his sleaziness to be a character flaw instead of a deal breaker, showing the motivation for what he does could help. If he had a bad home life and this is the only way he knows how to give himself any self worth, that's sad and do3esn't excuse his actions, but it's relatable, because a lot of people go through a bit of a skanky phase after breakups and whatnot. Having him show remorse, actively trying to change his habits, and seeking help to do so is making him a proactive character and that will make him more likable to readers in spite of his obvious flaws and also gives him a pretty obvious character arc that can be used to flesh out a story, even if it's not his main arc.
Seriously? You start it all with your nonsense and then pull this when someone replies? Anyway, OP, add another voice saying that the sexual assault aspect of this takes it to a whole different level. I mean, being attracted to people other than your partner is completely normal and, I would say, morally fine; kissing someone other than your partner is a definite glitch but not a deal breaker. But sexually assaulting someone is a whole new level. It's not a level I think you want to go to casually...
Well aimed to the cliche that all men are all pigs thing. I feel I would have to agree that there needs to be some form of retribution or redeemable aspect to such a character. Think of it this way; If your character was female, would you still feel the same way about their actions? Women and men are both guilty of the same things, and there fore are both just as deplorable for conducting themselves in such a manner. So you will have to create them in such a way that they suffer some consequence for there action either internal or external. If they cannot exhibit such remorse or redemption, then they are just seen as deplorable and why should we care what happens to them down the road...
You might, but unfortunately a large majority of people don't. If a man went up to a woman an drunkenly put his hand down her pants, there'd be about 30 people screaming for his murder and chances are he wouldn't have much occasion to enjoy the rest of his weekend. A woman does that to a man, he complains and usually gets in shit because he had to physically remove her then explain to the cops what happened and generally gets a "What, are you gay? Your'e supposed to enjoy that," vibe thrown at him and it ends up being his fault anyway somehow.
Don't strike a match in a pile of oil-doused tires. This is going to take forever to put out. But really? Researching people's experiences with this kind of thing is your best bet. Don't ask people how to write the character, because all you'll get is moral grandstanding and people telling you what to do. You need to understand what you're writing about, so if you don't have direct experience that's inspiring this, I'd highly recommend committing some time to understanding the psychology behind sexual assault, both for the perpetrator and the victimized. You need to treat it with respect, first and foremost. It comes across very clear when someone tries to write about something like this with little understanding of the emotional implications. Once you've gathered enough firsthand accounts, I would move onto researching sexual assault forgiveness. Put those three words into google and you'll have all the perspectives you could need on it. I say look for forgiveness, because that could be the window into redeeming the character. Maybe the person he sexually assaulted sees him in a way that could allow the readers to not completely hate him. Did this person know him before? Statistically, she probably would have. And really, I guess it all depends on what kind of story you want to tell. Is this the story of a dysfunctional group of people? A redemption story for the guy? What about him changes by the end of the story? You don't have to answer these here of course, but you need to answer them for yourself.
And that's bad. But I don't see how it's relevant to the discussion of the OP's story. (I also tend to doubt that the consequences for the man are remotely that assured. But that, too, doesn't seem relevant to the OP's story.)
I feel old, I was raised in a time when what is now rightly considered unacceptable was just good clean fun, and I live in a country where public groping of women is such an issue that the trains hae to run "Ladies Only" cars and regular announcements that groping is a crime. With all that said, it would be helpful if the OP could elaborate on the sexual assault. Did the sleazebag grope a waitress, or did he bash a woman over the head and drag her into the bushes? I am not denying that both of those constitute sexual assault, but the degree of the assault is going to make a difference to me in how redeemable/sympathetic the character can be.
If being groped constitutes sexual assault, I've been sexually assaulted by at least four women and three of them I don't even know by name.
It probably isn't, I was mostly just on a whinge about past injustices and the fact that these things are issues at all. Sorry. You said he sexually assaulted her while drunk. Who was drunk and how drunk are pretty big issues. Like if she was drunk and they went to bed together, even though she might have been willing, it's still technically assault because she wouldn't have the wherewithal to make an educated decision on the matter. Which is something far more forgivable than, say, him finding her passed out in a bedroom and having his way with her.
I am merely noting that no matter the sex of the perpetrator, it is always going to be wrong. So where do we disagree?
For all the eye-rolling and tire fire commenters who are tired of having this discussion over and over... please realize that everyone is tired of the discussion. It would be lovely to live in a world where we could read a line that seems to be treating a history of sexual assault as a minor character flaw and just assume that the line was mis-written, but we do not live in that world. Not by a long shot. So, yeah, I'm sure the "men too" and "not all men" crowd are tired of having to say that. Trust me that the other crowd are at least as tired. But being tired doesn't mean we can afford to give up.
Wow, thanks for all the responses everyone! I guess I should have clarified: this guy is not the main character, but the person he sexually assaulted is... somewhat. If you want all the details, read the most recent posts on my thread "A little help?" The guy is somewhat of a main character, along with others, who are trying to find the identity of a mysterious person to whom they are all connected. The guy was blackout drunk when he assaulted her, and she was too afraid to press charges (tying it back to the concept of a power move). He does feel remorse once he realizes what he's done (because for the former part of the book he just has no recollection), so there's that, but the thing is, the story isn't just about him, so I don't want to get sucked into a rabbit hole of consequences. Don't get me wrong, I totally agree that he's a criminal and that he needs to be punished, but that's a later problem right now, and at the moment I want to make him seem normal and not fall into the cliche of "all men are attracted to all women and simply because he's a man he is a sexually deviant pig."
I'm not 100% sure which one I'm going to go with, but I'm fairly certain I'm going to make it so that he groped this girl repeatedly and was then trying to have full on sex but she managed to push him off of her
Uh...he's not a sexually deviant pig because he's a man. He's a sexually deviant pig because he sexually assaulted someone. Edited to add: In other words, based on the expanded quote: It appears that you would, in that case, be the one suggesting that "normal" men are sexually deviant pigs. If you don't want to imply that normal men commit sexual assault, either eliminate the normality or the assault. Because normal men don't.
That's not the point I'm trying to make. This is a really touchy subject and this thread has really veered off topic from what I originally wanted to talk about. My point is trying to make this character believable while still having this part of his character be there. I want him to act this way so that it's believable that he would do this to someone when it's revealed later on in the story. My goal is to create a somewhat sexually deviant character that way it doesn't completely come out of nowhere with the reveal while also not making it seem like he is the walking cliche of "every man can't keep his d*ck in his pants and can never be faithful, and also is a rapist"
