1. evild4ve

    evild4ve Critique is stranger than fiction Supporter Contributor

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    Sensitivity-editing an especially offensive elephant

    Discussion in 'Character Development' started by evild4ve, Oct 28, 2021.

    My WIP is at 2nd-draft stage. I don't want to post any part of it, but if I can solve the problems in this post, as an exaggerated strawman, it will benefit the WIP.

    For argument's sake, it's a series of short stories set in a zoo where the animals stand for, not religions, but historical maltheist viewpoints. A bit like Jostein Gaarder's 'Sophie's World' but with Paul Erdős and Ivan Karamazov instead of Plato and Aristotle.

    There was enough material to fill 80k words, and it's readable, but there's this one chapter I want to self-censor before showing a sensitivity reader. And I'd want to get it beta-read before putting any of it online. Meanwhile I'd be grateful for any tips on new editing stages, or what to do about the specific character. Just the process of typing this up has already helped resolve a few things (there was more :meh:). I've put a short description of the character in italics and highlighted a number of problems I'm aware of like (#).

    I want to refer to Islam's having distinct answers to maltheism if possible. I know though that Islamic theology mustn't be expounded at all except by qualified and authorised persons, so I found poetic treatments (by poets who aren't also saints) and only allude even to those.

    ====
    Mr. Elephant is an old war hero type like Disney's Colonel Hathi, but rather than the British Army in India he comes from an unspecified muhajideen group (1). He has an Arabic name (2). He is always polite to the zookeeper (3). He besieges an termites' nest (4), mistaking them for 'phantoms' (5). The termites trick him into an unspecified, offscreen taboo short of sin (6). He's only mentioned briefly thereafter but has an 'impact' arc and carries a few plot points in the later chapters (7).
    ====

    (1) He isn't any sort of extremist, but readers are going to assume that he is, or put him on a spectrum. I've tried to play tricks on the reader by having him be uncommonly nice, but still. I didn't want to link him to a specific military mileu either but it's possible I'll learn of a suitable one.

    (2) His name references the poetry and locates him honestly for the reader, but perhaps it is more important to avoid the 'All Muslims are Arabs' stereotype.

    (3) His admiration of the zookeeper stays away from anything allegorical that might be going on for other characters around him. A difficulty is that he must remain outside the allegory, but to decisively locate him outside it would open other problems.

    (4) The ants are already established as antagonists, so I couldn't get out of this by swapping them round.

    (5) This is phantoms in the sense of people who aren't there, rather than ghosts. I want to try and find a gloss for it.

    (6) It's a heavy-handed resolution, which I pulled out when I was stuck for a way the ants could impact him. The problem I'm conscious of is "why do you want to do that to us?". And on balance I don't.

    (7) He's self-contained so as to be removed from the script if needed - but I'd like to salvage him as I do enjoy writing his voice.
     
  2. Chromewriter

    Chromewriter Contributor Contributor

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    I don't see anything offensive about it, but I am not Muslim. But there doesn't seem to be anything inherently offensive about having a Muslim name and being a warrior. Unless you are a racist and think any Muslim who is a freedom fighter is terrorist. Or you are someone who doesn't like your people depicted at all. In which case, why care about these people's feeling at all? You'd always have some extremist in either group hating your work.
     
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  3. Keongxi

    Keongxi Member

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    Good that you created a Muslim-like character who doesn't believe in ghosts. Muslims only believe that Jin/Genie/Djinn are the supernatural creatures in their religion. The concept of someone's soul returning to earth after they died AKA ghosts is not something their religion believes in.
     
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  4. big soft moose

    big soft moose An Admoostrator Admin Staff Supporter Contributor Community Volunteer

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    Point of note - we're not going to have the sensitivity readers good or bad debate here... if everyone could just stick to answering the question that'd be dandy (post concerned deleted)
     
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  5. Selbbin

    Selbbin The Moderating Cat Staff Contributor Contest Winner 2023

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    What's the connection though? Making Colonel Hathi an ex-British war animal makes sense as the British used elephants in India. While the Persians used war elephants I'm not sure any Muslim forces have. At least not in close enough proximity to the modern day to make the connection natural, like the British in India. But I'm not well enough versed in modern Muslim military history to know.
     
    Last edited: Oct 29, 2021
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  6. evild4ve

    evild4ve Critique is stranger than fiction Supporter Contributor

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    I haven't elucidated that connection in case I haven't understood it. It's either obvious (in which case best not to explain it from outside) or there is no connection and it doesn't matter.

    I did some due diligence to check that talking elephants aren't unclean, and to make sure that no sacred words are put into the mouth of an animal, and that it carries out no religious duties. They have Babar in Saudi Arabi, which I've used as a proxy. There are many different approaches to antiiconism though: usually it's to do with images but sometimes also in literature the creation of a character for an animal is frowned on (and perhaps prohibited, I couldn't get to the bottom of that). On the one hand, you can't please everyone and those are audiences who are already putting up with that sort of thing being totally ubiquitous in my culture, and who aren't going to go anywhere near a book about talking zoo animals anyway. On the other, if I'm ever asked to 'breathe life into' Mr Elephant, by anyone, at any stage, I feel that's a miracle I owe to readers to be able to perform on demand.
     
  7. evild4ve

    evild4ve Critique is stranger than fiction Supporter Contributor

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    I should have said, it's a non-Islamic Arabic name. The problem I foresee, and want to head off, with making him a warrior, is that it's engaging with the other culture through an image of its military, rather than (e.g.) its bakers or its candlestickmakers. Where I am with it is that 'it can't be helped', and if the reader takes Mr Elephant as hostile or demonized or an antagonist I've set up some surprises for them.
     
    Last edited: Oct 29, 2021
  8. big soft moose

    big soft moose An Admoostrator Admin Staff Supporter Contributor Community Volunteer

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    I can't see a problem... but i'd tend to suggest asking a muslim to beta read if you're concerned... you appear to be in the town i grew up in (I'm not going to say publicly but as a moderator i can see your location), so I'd suggest popping down the local mosque and respectfully explaining your concern to the imam ... you might want to give them a call first.

    Its been my experience that most imams are only too happy to answer respectful questions about islam... and also have considerable learning about comparative religions which could be useful in dealing with a book like this
     
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  9. evild4ve

    evild4ve Critique is stranger than fiction Supporter Contributor

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    Thanks all for the suggestions - I know it is only a straw poll but I feel much more hopeful now that it won't be anything beyond the pale for a sensitivity reader. Taking it to a mosque should absolutely be part of the playbook, but for a speculative fiction story I wouldn't feel it was a good enough use of an imam's time. I guess I'd save that for if I was doing something about a real country or a real person.
     

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