Unlike a lot of romance writers I know, explicit sex scenes are one of my favorite things to write. Some tips off the top of my head would be: Clearly describe the action so the reader can picture it and isn't having to puzzle out positions, hand placement, etc. Make sure that the sexual prowess of your character matches their background. It's a pet peeve of mine when a character who's never had sex before turns into an Olympic-level sexual athlete their first time out of the gate On a similar note, assuming your characters are human, don't stretch the limits of what people are biologically capable of. Unless he's a porn star, most men are not going to be able to climax multiple times in a single session with no refractory period. This is a personal preference/choice, but I find watching and reading a lot of explicit material makes it easier for me to create it myself.
I'd say don't make the mistake of separating your sex scenes from the rest of the story and worrying about them any more than you would worry about any scene. By that, I mean don't write them any differently from your other scenes. They ARE no different from any other scene. The characters should stay in character, the scene should have a purpose (not just be a diversion) and you should write with the same voice you've been using throughout. If you're writing in a realistic, level-headed style, don't suddenly go all coy, or all ferocious or all crude. Just stay in the same voice. If you're writing a hearts a-flutter romance, don't suddenly start using words that these characters wouldn't use. I'd say be honest. Don't shy away from what's happening, but don't elevate it or downgrade it either. It's part of your story. It matters a lot what the purpose of the scene is If it's the culmination of a long will-they-won't-they buildup, make it worth the wait. Two short, blunt paragraphs after a 70,000-word dreamy buildup probably won't do. If you want to illustrate one character's indifference to another, or one character's streak of cruelty, or how two characters take their fun and friendly partnership into the bedroom with them, then make sure these nuances come through. Stay in the story, and keep your characters in character. That should work out just fine. Don't worry about shocking your grandmother. She's done it herself, or you wouldn't be here.
Based on personal experience i would beg to differ ... (May be I missed my calling... ) It depends what you mean by multiple times admittedly, I'd say the general limit is no more than 3 or 4 --- In general I'd also say keep it reasonable to the novel - don't be a prude, but also unless you are writing erotica the reader may not want lots and lots of graphic detail (this will vary a lot depending on the genre of romance you are aiming for)
This is one thing I've been picked up on by alpha readers in the past - that I struggle to write 'wham bam thank you maam' sex, apparently its not credible that a bloke should aim to make his partner climax more than he does, or that he should take his time over the foreplay element, who knew ? I'm not saying it to brag, but my only experience of that sort of dreadful selfish sex would have been drunk student sex 20 or so years ago and i don't recall that phase of my life terribly well.
