Hi all, This is something that has long been a bane in my writing journey, something I don't think is anew to any writer here but something I haven't quite got the handle to overcoming. Lately, I have been concentrating on editing my stories and it has been rewarding in the sense that the early drafts now read more rounded with sentences and the grammar better than before, though there is that nagging voice of doubt that tells me this is not the final version, there are still so many errors I have missed and though I may feel I have improved, the story itself may have not. I view the editing process as very much a trial and error. The first and second drafts being the bare bones whilst the latter ones refining and smoothing out the reading of each story. Correcting past mistakes has its positives, there is a sense of improvement, but there is that horror that the stories themselves are not very good. I was given this advice once, from a mentor friend who no longer reaches out to me much, he said: "Do not compare yourself to others, not yet." This mid-sentence on its own makes little sense, but he was teaching me to keep that... that... ferocious mindset in wanting to share my stories to others, to continually write and set these solid routines because I write differently, tell a story in my own way. I have entered writing challenges and contests never to win. My writing, style, tone and the word limited formats are not conducive to moulding a 'winning' formula, and thus that voice of doubt creeps back in. I'm more experienced in writing than the past, and feel my writing is better than before, and I know these doubts will resurface, but they seem more entrenched with those 'results' becoming a much louder voice of reason that I am not as good as I believe. Do you have any words, or routines to combat, maybe overcome these fluctuating beliefs? It is a source of pain that drags my mindset down and I try to be positive with my views towards my writing... though (and I know I am repeating) the doubts are a lot more hard hitting. Thanks for reading.
Embrace your inner critic, but set it upon traditionally published novels. You might be surprised at how many missteps in prose and story they actually have while still being successful. The doubts will come and go. Remember that winning or not winning small contests can be merely due to the story's theme or topic, which won't say a lot about your writing. Sure there's some validation in the contest realm, but you could get that by working with other writers (workshop, group, etc...). In the end it's fleeting just the same. The real validation, evergreen satisfaction, is when people pay you for it.
I think what you may mean by "fluctuating beliefs" is belief in yourself, and your abilities? I'd hazard a guess that that is a pretty common trait among writers, and creators of all types. We're taking the abstract, and trying to give it tangible life. Not an easy thing. I don't really have any advice except to keep on writing, and you will have those moments where your words perfectly capture what it is you want to say. In the meantime, be kind to yourself. Trust yourself. You know what you know. Your contribution is valuable, as long as it is authentic.
Insecurity goes hand in hand with the process. It's fairly commonplace, I imagine. Maybe Stephen King or John Steinbeck don't get wracked with self-doubt, though I'd suggest that every writer there's ever been reaches a point with their writing where they consider abandoning because it's so terrible. I know I do. Every. Single. Time. The trick is to send it out there, wherever, when the pendulum has swung to thinking, you know, it's not all that bad. It's too late to do anything about it five minutes later when that pendulum swings back. So far, I've been paid 5 euros for writing, which I failed to collect because I've no idea how to get into my paypal account. I've had nine stories published, all bar that one in non-paying journals. My last acceptance was about 12 minutes to midnight last New Year's Eve and if they'd just held off a few minutes I'd at least have had one acceptance this year. So yeah, I'm in it for the money, fame and glory. The things I want to write are unlikely to impress a broad audience. It's unfortunate that they often don't impress a narrow one either, but I'm still satisfied with quite a number of completed stories. Someone on the forum, I'll not say who because I don't accurately remember the stated position, suggested a motivation for writing is something left for posterity, something for our kids or loved ones that will still be there when we're not. If that sounds morbid, then I've lost the positivity of the post referenced. Some people are gifted in writing things that connect with broad swathes, others occupy the margins. Something I do bang on about, just do what's fitting for you, leaving a mark, however faint, you were here and not just a passenger.
Thanks for the responses, I've written enough to have gone through these thoughts of doubts and I have @Not the Territory 'compared,' as such, when reading published works thinking 'this passage is dodgy' knowing it has gone through editors and many drafts before print. I have actually avoided reading books because there is that horrible feeling that my work is no where near the standard and that has dented the confidence to write. Not sure what you or others think, but having that positivity to write makes writing very enjoyable that even large passages that needs extensive work seems easier. The doubts just seem stronger this time. My background in writing is poor @Louanne Learning. To fall with the knowledge that I have a solid understanding of writing and storytelling is so far from the truth that how I write and tell my stories are really completely made up. You have read a few of my stories and I don't follow a conventional rule to tell my tales and there has been many times where I honestly believe that I am 'winging it' when it comes to writing. But I love my stories and persist because there is a fire that burns inside for me to finish and go again with another book in my series. There doesn't seem any logic with the ability and dream... @B.E. Nugent can I ask what's your motivations to write? Sadly I don't prescribe to sending my stories for everyone to read, namely because they are not ready and I like to form bonds with fellow writers who shares my views to writing. In the past I placed my stories in workshops, received many views from writers but as I am sure you and many others will know, not all feedback are useful, helpful or even constructive to improving your story. It is why I pulled them all down after a brief time in asking for views. I agree with what you and Louanne and what Not have said but it seems very hard to judge if my stories and writing are any good. I have done poorly in competitions. I think the format doesn't suit my writing but this seems like an excuse, but it is a good barometer to see where I stand in comparison to others. Hmmm. Thank you for your kind replies everyone.
That's a good question. Have you got a week? The answer isn't a singular thing. Mostly, this list is aspirational and not intended as a statement of accomplishment: It's something I can do better than amateur car mechanics or DIY and most other things. Self-expression is good for the soul. Self-assertion is better. Cheaper than therapy? Maybe, but I'm usually fairly chilled. I have written when agitated about something and found it useful. I'm not a natural story teller. A lot of what I write and like to read has somewhere between little and nothing in regard to plot, character arcs and resolution. The better writers manage that while still making it complete/satisfying. I write all the time at work. I daydream. Writing combines the two. Words are cool little things. It's interesting to play around with them and see what they're made of. I generally get on well with people but like to be alone. Maybe it's in the blood. Maybe it's an Irish thing. Of the 12 of us siblings, 4 of us (including me) engage in creative writing, there's a photographer, musician, and a couple that should have applied themselves to talents in visual art. Getting something written is the ultimate goal. Having it read somewhere, anywhere, completes the cycle, releasing it from residence in my head and allows movement on to the next thing. I've thrown stuff into the workshops here in part to get that completion, along with the feedback that helps to work out what has made impact and what hasn't. Getting published is something I aim for, though not uppermost in priorities. Most of the time.
Wow, that was an impressive reply. I like this: You remind me of a writer I befriended on my last forum. They write honestly, expressing with heart, writing with a style and soul. They are working on piecing their thoughts together into story and I have followed (and still do to this day follow) what can be seen as musings or lashes to against this world, with interest because grouping feelings together, connecting emotions that are true from the writer is the greatest skill. Meshing it into a story, I believe, is actually the easy part. But... yeah... hmmm. I'm kind of stuck in reply because your motivations and dreams are very similar to my own, especially the daydreaming and the cathartic peace writing can bring. I am over extending myself at the moment, but would love to read a story of yours if you wish to share. I have just accepted a member's work here (to offer my views), and I have my own writing when I can fit the time with work, kids and house taking up nearly all my time... but very interested in having a look at your writing.
Personally, I *do* compare myself to published authors. I read their work, and I read my work, and think "ok, well, he's Stephen King and I'm me, and I'm not going to reach those heights right now". I'm confident enough in my writing that I'm quite happy to post it up for criticism, although I wouldn't do it social media, since it's full of trolls with the attention span of an inebriated gnat, so nothing useful will come out of that. I usually find I get good feedback on forums, but I guess it would be different if not. I only got annoyed with the poor score I got on that competition because I knew there was stuff going on behind it. I knew it wasn't going to win, but coming dead last with an exceptionally poor score was not something I expected. My self-confidence may be misplaced, but I am generally happy as long as I can write to my satisfaction. Sometimes I can't, and then it gets binned or goes in for a rewrite. As to what keeps me going - it's a hobby and I do it because I can, not because I wish to make a living from it. That's almost certainly not going to happen. I'm not trying to sound rude or egotistical when I say that I don't measure my self-worth by the reception my writing gets. I have a stack of rejections, and I'm waiting for two more. That might come across as not caring, or being arrogant in thinking I'm good enough, neither of which are true. I save my self-doubt for my singing...
I used to frequent the 'other one' you are in too (.com) and befriended many in the workshop. I found that general feedback is okay and I go through what others have suggested only after a period of time when I posted. Being too close to stories is a big problem of mine but I also not all comments from writers are useful to improving a story. You have not come across that way but I link this to what writing means to an author and is a question I always ask when meeting a writer. Having confidence in your work is one thing, I hold firm beliefs in what I have created, but doubts about the quality of it is something else. There have been periods in the last few years where these bouts of 'doubt' is dumped on me from somewhere. Not sure why and I go back to the point where I am quietly confident of my stories- they have some very positive reviews though there is this is the 3rd time in 3 years where there is this 'bang' and this question mark of 'what are you doing?' And other detrimental remarks, resurface. Your words fit perfectly with 'finding your own voice, rather than copying others.' I don't think I have quite reached their yet. I have found my style and voice and way of storytelling but it needs a little more work. The hugely popular heavy hitters have a way in which they 'ramble' on without boring and I fall into the category of having a well received voice, but not one that is fully developed.
That's not the only place I've posted my stuff - I've also posted some of my historical fiction on a history forum. But I'm a mod there so they all wouldn't dare to give me negative feedback (I joke, of course).
There's quite a few that aren't hard to find with 20 workshop posts (who here has sought so hard for validation?), mostly in short stories and flash, and easier to find than the numerous contest entries. I've one in the Showcase section as well. They're all well and truly in the rearview, so don't feel you have to comment if you get around to reading them.
