After a few days of not working on my WIP, i'm back at it... and back at trimming. I am at yet another part that I am brainstorming ways to trim it and would like some sort of input to leap from: the chapter is basically a big ole exposition that goes as follows (context: there is a lingering hostile spirits that seems to be fixated on an artifact, so in this chapter, Olun goes to return the artifact to the owner and get more information about it to figure out who the spirit is) Olun shows the old lady (affectionately known as Grandma), the artifact Grandma has a big emotional reaction to it and tells Olun it belonged to her son. Her son had gone missing years ago, presumably, to chase after his estranged wife whom they had a volatile relationship with, leaving his 2 children behind Grandma expresses no love for her daughter-in-law, who she believes ruined their family. Olun tells her that her son is no longer missing. She found his remains and he's dead. Olun also urges Grandma to open up about this to her youngest grand daughter, who never knew either of her parents. But Grandma doesnt want to traumatize her by telling her about her parents. While Olun and Grandma are talking, Syndra (grandma's oldest grand daughter) come home, argues with Olun (she doesnt want Olun near her family). Olun tries to tell Syndra about her father, and Syndra punches her in the face and tells her to stay out of their lives and business, and never mention her parents again. (end chapter) I feel like it is too much of Grandma talking to Olun/telling Olun what she needs to know. What I want to convey is... I want Olun to discover the identity of the spirit. I want her to learn about him and how he relates to Syndra, the antagonist. And I want Olun and Syndra to get into an argument where Syndra physically hurts her (Syndra hurting Olun makes some of the side characters ostracize her, which also makes Syndra desperate to regain their approval in later chapters) I will say that, 2 chapters earlier, i focus on Syndra and her upbringing, and through some of her interactions with people (and her parents before they left/died), it is more or less shown how they were. Its just, getting my MC, Olun, to learn these things that now the reader already knows.....
You could cut this bit out and have Syndra walk in, catch the end of the conversation where they're talking about the son, and have Syndra fly off the handle, telling Olun that her parents are none of Olun's business and punch her in the face.
nope, thats good! and cutting those bits didnt require much editing to make the chapter flow without it. so i guess thats a good sign. means it wasnt adding anything by being there
Probably. But i need to sit with this for a bit longer. I have an inkling, now, about how else to shorten it, but i need to be sure im not just trigger happy with the backspace button lol
