1. EstherMayRose

    EstherMayRose Gay Souffle Contributor

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    Famous Last Words

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by EstherMayRose, Aug 13, 2017.

    Hi. I need some help with a murder mystery. It involves a countess who is poisoned by her husband for cheating (we had another thread about this, so that's all fine) and I've recently decided to have the protagonist find her as she is dying rather than find her dead, because public opinion is that she committed suicide, so I thought that that would allow her to say something to the protagonist to convince her otherwise.

    The problem is, I have no idea what she'd say. What would one say if one suddenly found that one was dying? My only thought was that her children are very important to her, so she could say something about them. I'm just at a loss.

    Does anyone have any suggestions? It would be much appreciated.

    Thank you. :)
     
  2. Stormburn

    Stormburn Contributor Contributor

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    "Tell my children I did not kill myself. I love them too much."
     
  3. surrealscenes

    surrealscenes Senior Member

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    From the tiny bit here, I would guess it would be something about how she is too young to die, or something else to get someone looking into the death. My guess is that this would be a pivotal scene.
    If she says "I love my children." Of course you do, but who really cares?
    If she says "I love my children & am too young to die this way. I hope they figure out what happened to me." Then it indicates something is wrong and needs to be solved.
    If I am correct, it needs to be something to drive the story forward.
     
  4. NobodySpecial

    NobodySpecial Contributor Contributor

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    A while back there was a study of sorts where they listened to the black box recordings from a number of crashed airplanes. The last words on an inordinate number of the recordings were "Oh shit".

    Were it me;if I knew I was going to die, and I knew who poisoned me, of course I'd want to ID the culprit. I'd also probably put a curse on the murderer of some sort. Maybe something along the lines of genitalia shrivling up, turning necrotic black and falling off. But that's me.

    You know your character best. Rather than thinking up what you would say, what would she say? What kind of person is she?
    I know you said she was a countess, but is she a 'let them eat cake' sort or is she more the Princess Di kind of woman?

    Let her be your guide.
     
  5. The Dapper Hooligan

    The Dapper Hooligan (V) ( ;,,;) (v) Contributor

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    "I don't want to die. I don't want to die. Who could do this? Oh my god, make it stop! I don't want to die."

    Just a note on poisons. As far as writing them go, they kind of fall into two very general categories. Quiet poisons and violent poisons. Quiet poisons are like drug overdoses where the victim becomes disoriented and eventually passes out. Kinda like that one girl we all met once at a dorm party. Anything the victim says most likely won't be very coherent and they may not even realize they were poisoned. Whereas violent poisons are, well, violent. They usually induce spasms, convulsions, bloody vomit, etc. With these poisons they'd most likely know they were dying, but they may not physically be able to communicate with anyone. Apologies if you've already thought of this, but if you haven't, some research on how she might have been poisoned could prove beneficial.
     
  6. EstherMayRose

    EstherMayRose Gay Souffle Contributor

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    I'd done a bit of research, but nothing in-depth yet. She's been poisoned with a fictional but slow-acting herb, so she hasn't done anything that could cause death for several hours. (No, I wasn't thinking anything long or over-dramatic - just something vaguely panicky that would be a clue whilst also providing mystery.) I once read a book where the two protagonists who were present at the victim's death disagreed on his last words, which added depth.
     
  7. The Dapper Hooligan

    The Dapper Hooligan (V) ( ;,,;) (v) Contributor

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    That reminds me of the movie Rashomon, a film about a trial where they're trying to find how a Samurai died from the somewhat contradictory testimony of a few different witnesses.
     
  8. Homer Potvin

    Homer Potvin A tombstone hand and a graveyard mind Staff Supporter Contributor

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    "I regret nothing!"
     
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  9. EstherMayRose

    EstherMayRose Gay Souffle Contributor

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    "I regret a few things!"
     
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  10. Trish

    Trish Damned if I do and damned if I don't Contributor

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    I'm guessing "I'm sorry" isn't an option? Or - "You kill me and I'm still going down as the asshole that cheated?" (though that's not very countess like)
     
  11. WNP

    WNP Member

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    "Please, don't let him hurt the children too"

    Something like that could work (but of course reveals the killer is a man)
     
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  12. EstherMayRose

    EstherMayRose Gay Souffle Contributor

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    Well, she doesn't know who killed her, and I don't think she'd want to admit to cheating. However, since the protag is someone she doesn't know very well (and a princess), something like "Tell my children I'm sorry", "Make sure they're looked after", etc. Maybe?

    Thanks for all your help so far, guys! :)
     
  13. Trish

    Trish Damned if I do and damned if I don't Contributor

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    Ooohhhh.... you said she was poisoned by her husband for cheating so I thought she knew he did it and it was a known thing that she was a cheater. Sorry. Apparently the word 'mystery' is just too hard for me today. ;)
     
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  14. WNP

    WNP Member

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    To me that sounds like something someone who had committed suicide might say.

    Maybe the protagonist comes in and finds her on the floor clutching her throat, and the something like:

    '"The wine..." the Countess is stopped by a series of violent coughs. When she pulls her hand away from her mouth, the hand is coated in blood. "...poisoned..." Another series of coughs shook her body, and then she fell still. Dead. A murderer was on the loose.'
     
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  15. LostThePlot

    LostThePlot Naysmith Contributor

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    I may be coming in a bit late on this since you've already had another thread on this; but men typically murder in person. It's very unman to poison someone. Particularly when we're talking about someone being cuckolded then it's pretty much accepted that you do the deed in person. This stuff is more important than you might think. The reason why you kill at the very least the guy who shagged your wife is because, at least in the west, if your wife is wayward then that is a mark against your manhood. You have to publicly expunge that mark on your honor, people have to know that you did it. If you poison your wife then you neither remove the stain on your reputation, nor do you reassert your manhood. I will spare you discussion about "the horns of the cuckold" but suffice to say there's a reason why the allusion is drawn towards a bull chasing a red rag instead of a sneaky fucker poisoning their spouse. Alas, we don't duel over this stuff anymore, but traditionally you stab the guy first and foremost, then give your wife a thrashing. I know this stuff, I am British and I went to a very good school.

    Edit -

    Never let it be said that I don't contribute to the wider debate. I say go for something unreasonably esoteric. Perhaps "Tell the children to add more butter."
     
  16. EstherMayRose

    EstherMayRose Gay Souffle Contributor

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    I did indeed have another thread on this, but no-one brought that up. Hello, fellow Briton (high-five!), but this guy is French, and this story is set in the 18th century, so there's a different code of morals at play here. Also, the affair wasn't made public, but she has told him that she will go back to her lover, so her murder was his way of covering things up - as someone said in the other thread, your wife dying of mysterious causes is much less embarrassing than everyone knowing she cheated. (There is a danger that the King of the fictional country where this is set will find out.) You have given me the idea of having a failed attempt on her lover's life guiding the protagonist towards finding out about the affair, so thank you very much, you win ice cream.

    Perhaps something a bit more desperate and "No!" Something like "My children still need me!" - but I want something more subtle - something that makes the protagonist think "She probably didn't kill herself."

    I don't know. Thanks to all of you, we're getting there. :)
     
  17. LostThePlot

    LostThePlot Naysmith Contributor

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    Fair enough, as long as you've thought through why he ended up poisoning her as opposed to anything else. And yeah, even if for whatever reason there won't be dueling and/or murder I suspect that the man involved in shagging his wife might befall an unfortunate accident, or at least an attempted accident. In this era the guy is to blame for your wife straying so if he ends up stabbed in the gall bladder then that's what's coming to him. It's interesting to note that things haven't technically changed all that much; hard bastards for some reason dissuade people from shagging their birds.

    Can I possibly convince you she should shout "I knew it!" ?
     
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