People say you can be anything you want to be. Do anything you want to do. This is a lie. But work drives me insane. I either need more to occupy outside of work (time permitting - HA right.) Or I need less hours and another job. OR I just need something completely different. But this is an easy job and I can't do it at all. I'm surrounded by the worst kinds of people (not BAD, just not people I can stand to be around. I rarely TRULY hate anyone, but i tend not to want to "bother" with anyone unless they have similar interests. This doesnt happen here) and everything is a lie. I am encouraged to lie and be fake and that tears me apart every single time. No wonder I'm going nuts. So this is a post intended to explore things myself and hopefully some people here might know something or have advice for or against (although who knows what happens, like i told my manager today, I have no no control over what I do, just because i think something doesn't mean that is what i'll do, no matter how much it should be done :/) In the past: Author Scriptwriter Music Journalist Film Journalist Critic Music Photographer There are major flaws with all of those. Especially the lack of constant income. I need to have money. Ideally. Of course. To support GOING to gigs. Author/Scriptwriter - I have characters, ideas, I join writing forums, and read up frequently on the subject. I enjoy reading, when time and will permits, but I don't think I will ever have the quality in my writing to make it worthwhile. It would be ideal though, to be able to work part of full time, but have this on the side to balance things out a bit. Unfortunately... Journalist/Critic - I am not openly inquiitive enough. I think of things too late and spend far too long thinking about things before or after something. I'm also too "soft" and couldn't interrogate anyone. I am overly honest though, but I think that is probably a bad thing. I still tend to dream about the music side of it, but again, I will never have what it takes. Music Photographer - Whenever I go to a gig, I have my £200+ digital camera with 12x zoom which I love more than anyone i see on a daily basis At a recent Metallica gig, whilst being crushed, my priority was to protect the camera, not my ribs! Boy did it pay off. Obviously, i'm young with not a clue about REAL photography. Did a unit at college as part of my Media Production course but I don't remember much of that. I did have a contact, on Facebook, who I met at a gig, and who does photography for a band, but i deleted my account and forgot to get an email address I know it's not a proper job but it's the only thing that is always floating around my head. I am let down when cameras are prohibited at any gig, but respect the artists. Plus, music is all i have. Literally. As much as THAT hurts too. I have some pictures I am quite proud off, considering. But nevertheless... HA. ¬_¬ I just wish something was feasible. I know this will phase out again, then return again. I haven't had a gig all this month. My next is in July, but tickets haven't arrived and i'm on edge and worrying they never will. Maybe I wil feel better after my "fix" but... There is nothing REGULAR/NORMAL I can stand. I hate the GENERAL public and i hate FALSITY. Help? Somehow? Or just give me a slap to wake me up. Anything will do I guess.
We aren't supposed to post YouTube links here, so just go to YouTube, type in "Why we do what we do", and watch the one called "Tony Robbins: Why we do what we do, and how we can do it better". It should be near the top, if not the first one. It was a speech given to some of the smartest, most talented, and most successful people in the world, who have faced what you're facing and persevered through it. Just try and take it seriously. He dishes out a lot of valuable information.
Wow, you pretty much echoed my own thoughts on society as a while. *disclaimer: yes I know this following statement will likely come off as being kinda egotistical but it's how I feel* Psyence, you sound like the type that will have to go for your dream job cause otherwise you'll drive yourself insane. Yes there is a large chance of failing but it's better than the alternative. Most people, whether it be necessity or lack of ambition, will spend decades of their lives at a job that they hate and spend just about all their time away from that job dreading having to go back to it. That is no way to live your life. Even if you don't succeed right off the back, you're actually trying which puts you far ahead of those that have given up and end up wasting the rest of their lives in a cubicle.
Yes, we all know that if you take the "do anything you want" attitude too literally, it is a lie, but I find the happiest, most successful people are the ones who subscribe to that attitude. They recognize challenges, but pay more attention to the sollutions.
Thank you both for replying. Maestro - I'm going to bed now, but I've looked up that video and favourited it for tomorrow after work. I will post back when I've watched it. Thank you, it does sound worth watching/listening. Shadow Dragon - It's good to know there are others that think that. That actually made me laugh - I am driving myself insane. Work is, home is, I am, everything I love is, I think i'm just in unstable, somewhat damaged person. I have zero ambition, well maybe a little because I still seem to wistfully dream of these things. But I also have a necessity to stick wiht my current job. It's not a bad one, it's supposedly "secure" and they're ok with me getting help, rather than firing me, which they have had several reasons to, even after the final warning. Technicially, according to the rules, I shouldn't be there. Plus i CANT DO ANYTHING, i'm slow, clumsy and useless. Hence why none of my "options" seem feasable at all. So i have a double whammy of FAIL. I can't die until it happens, so i probably will be there decades, if they dont fire me, which they will eventually. I've tried in the past, various things. I try lots of things and they all fail/backfire/fade out/burn out/disappear or... whatever. I would rather be in a cubicle. I spend all day on my feet walking/lifting/lying/fakery... I know everything takes hard work and persistance. And the one thing I work for, going to gigs, is largely unpleasant for me. It's late, inconveniently timed, expensive, stressful, being surrounded by people, either not seeing anything or having people touching you... but it's worth it. Especially coming home with that elusive picture to be proud of.. but... :/ I don't know. I feel sick. I make myself sick so much. And my hands are sore from stress/dermatitis/cracking/peeling/cuts... *sigh*
Hey nothing wrong with being a damaged person. We have meetings every sunday and we usually have cake. Seriously, just make sure to try to work on any issues you have, that's really all anyone can do. I get the no ambition part. For me it's just that when I look at the vast majority of careers, I can honestly say that I have no desire to spend my life doing that. Of course there are a couple exceptions to that (such as becomeing a successful writer) but they seem to be few and far inbetween. Also, from the sounds of it, I'm guessing you work with the general public. *cringes at the thought of it* In which case, yeah the cubicle (as long as you don't have any annoying "neighbors") would be a better alternative.
There's this quote, I don't know who it's by but I live by it: I'd rather be a failure at something I love, than a success at something I hate. It always perks me put when I'm feeling like I'm going nowhere, except maybe down the drain. Best of luck
You know psyence, I think everyone has these sorts of thoughts every now and then. Though some probably experience them more strongly than others, perhaps in your case. So don't feel that you're alone. I often dream of something I'd like to do, but often lack the ambition to get started. It's hard to work toward a goal without ever tiring in perseverance. But I believe if you get going and don't stop, through success and failure, you can succeed entirely. And don't ever forget, failure IS an option. If you failed, at least you tried. There will be other conquest to succeed in. I hope I'm making sense here.
Join the Marine Corps. They will show you what you are truly good at and give you the confidence to go for it. This ends my shameless plug.
