I've got a few different books I'm working on, but the one I'm currently working on is giving me a little trouble. I'm worried there's too much going on. It starts out in a small village, back in the middle ages. The main character and her sister are introduced as they're walking into town to get their weekly supplies. This particular week, they are knocked out with a special gas. They're transported to a high tech facility where the main character learns they're not completely human. After a few months in the place, the main character learns that there is a demon attached to her soul, and that she was created in a lab. The demon attached to her soul is quite strong and makes itself known to those in the facility after a petty squabble by some other kids in the gym. After another month, the demon finally gets enough strength to tell the main character that her food is being drugged, and that she hasn't left her room. The end goal, is to have the main character break out of the facility, reunite with her sister, and ultimately learn to use her powers. There is a bit more, but background stuff, like setting development. I'm just wondering if this is too much going on in the first few chapters. I'm working on typing up what I have written in a notebook, which so far is about 46 pages. Any help is greatly appreciated.
I think some author once said it's a bad idea to mix too many elements, like you shouldn't mix sci-fi with magic or readers will get confused. But I think that's not true all the time. Right now it looks like you have elements of Lord of the Rings, Star Trek, the Exorcist, and X-Men melded into one story. But when I think about it, your story actually sounds like it could happen in something like the Warhammer 40K universe. It's on a backwater planet with primitive technology where a team of scientists from the galactic empire has set up a research lab to study the Chaos demons. And the MC has one of them in her. From what you described so far, it seems the twist is that this demon isn't all that bad. I think it could work if you can convince the readers that your world makes sense.
I don't think there's too much going on as long as you keep your pacing consistent. It sounds very interesting! My advice is to just continue writing the first draft of your story as you want it right now (since I'm not seeing any major flaws) and then have a look at the pacing and such in your second draft. I'd love to read it one day.
Thank you guys! It's a little slow going, since at the moment I'm transferring everything from physical notebook to computer, but that also gives me the chance to fix things that don't quite make sense. I really appreciate the input!
It depends on how you're writing it. Are you planning to make each revelation a pivot point? Like your MC discovers she is not human, then that she has a demon inside her, and then that she was created in a lab? That would probably be one topper too many. You can get away with one of those gotchas. Maybe two if you're careful. But I wouldn't rely on it to drive the plot. The reader will catch on if your core story can't support all that noise. But if you're not structuring your novel around that, if it's all kind or relegated to the background, you might not have a problem. I'd think the demon thing would make or break it. Pull that off and the you'll have some wiggle room with the other stuff.
She actually finds out that she is not human and was created in a lab at the same time. She doesn't discover that there is a demon in her until the second chapter. I'm toying with the idea of making the demon the source of her power and her best friend. After a time, she will have to escape the facility and the demon will be the only help she will be able to get.
