"Come on now, there's a good chap, sit down and listen to what Mr Vandula here has to say. Best in his field you know, top man, here to help Tom, we all are." Even though his father was trying to sound reassuring, Tom felt, as he often did, as if he were being sold a time-share on the Costa del Sol. Something his father had made a lot of money from until the court case. OR, "Come on now, there's a good chap. Sit down and listen to what Mr Vandula here has to say. Best in his field you know. Top man. Here to help Tom, we all are." Even though his father was trying to sound reassuring, Tom felt, as he often did, as if he were being sold a time-share on the Costa del Sol. Something his father had made a lot of money from until the court case. The speaker's voice is that of an English public school/oxbridge. They have a habit or running several things together.
Second, but I would add the comma I put in red. I'm familiar with the accent you're going for but the "Here to help Tom, we are all." just doesn't sound right - it's a bit Rain Man? What about, "Here to help Tom. All of us." ?
I'm with @Tenderiser about the comma. I'd also put in a paragraph... I disagree with @Tenderiser about the "Here to help Tom..." phrase; as is sounds fine to me...although I think that it should, strictly, have a semi-colon instead of that comma...but it is speech, so ???
Good thread topic, it's stumbled right on to my weakness. Forever unsure, but I get the sense comma splices are way more forgivable in dialogue? Much more so than semi-colons. People, I've observed, don't naturally subordinate nor coordinate their conjunctions in speech, so that seems a non starter to me. What about the underused em dash? I see it fitting in: "...Best in his field you know, top man, here to help Tom—we all are." Or is that just not cricket?
I hate comma splices, including in speech. I also think semi-colons look odd. But em-dashes are fine (and definitely not underused in my MSs .) I won't pretend there's much logic to my punctuation preferences, but an em-dash seems to represent speech patterns much better than a semi-colon, for me.
Since Tom is being addressed, there should be a comma before Tom: "Here to help, Tom. We all are" "Here to help Tom." would mean that he is talking about someone else, another Tom.
Ooh, that's a good point. I assumed the speaker was addressing the group at large but this makes more sense.
Great stuff. Thanks, everyone. It's much better now. "Come on now, there's a good chap. Sit down and listen to what Mr Vandula here has to say. Best in his field, you know. Top man, here to help, Tom. We all are."
I got the impression that the father is addressing the room ("We all are" suggests that there are several people there) and that he is specifically saying that Mr. Vandula is here to help Tom. He isn't telling Tom that Mr. Vandula is here to help him, he's telling the audience that. That being the case "Here to help Tom..." stays, without the comma. This interpretation fits in, IMO, with the impersonality of the time-share transaction. Tom's father doesn't speak directly to him, he'd rather talk about him to the whole audience. If, on the other hand, @Bill Chester is correct, it might help to clarify this by changing it to "Here to help you, Tom..."
He is. How about this. "Come on now, there's a good chap. Sit down and listen to what Mr Vandula here has to say. Best in his field, you know. Top man. Here to help you, Tom." He looked up at the assembled company and swept a theatrical hand around the room, saying, "We all are."
Well...Looking up at the assembled company implies that he had been looking down, Looking around the assembled company implies that he'd been looking elsewhere, such as into Tom's eyes...and sweeping a theatrical hand does seem awfully theatrical... But perhaps it's time for the approval committee to butt out?
