Stark and personal post here. Everyone take a drink with me and let's be stereotypical writers. And yes, it wouldn't be a Teladan thread if it wasn't in some way negative or introspective! I have chronic creation neuroticism... I've posted about this problem before. I'm working on a short story which shouldn't even be that difficult, but I find I'm constantly running into problems, contradictions and better options. I've often thought of writing as a series of questions or forking paths. It can be exhausting thinking of so many different things at once, constructing a world-in-miniature. Despite writing for practically my entire life, it doesn't get any easier. Here's something I once wrote: "I have a burning need to create things, but I can't seem to decide what to do. In my nearly thirty years on this planet I've tried stop-motion animation, 2d animation, 3d animation, 2d art, 3d art, pixel art, clay sculpting, music, voice acting, video production, coding. Writing has been the mainstay. [...] In fact, I know I experience a kind of creation neuroticism. Sometimes I catch myself literally tapping my foot as if I have energy I need to burn. I'll get up and try to draw something if writing isn't working." This makes any issues doubly frustrating. The worst feeling is when my brain just won't come up with the answers. It's like I'm being denied the chance to put my work out there by my own mental blockage. Speaking bluntly, I feel like I need to create something before I die. I'm highly death conscious (Google 'death positive movement'), but this makes me aware of how little time I could have. I could extrapolate all of this out to a kind of wish to be remembered for something, but in the here and now it's more about being validated. I want to help people with my writing, but also to be known for doing something. I wish I could just accept the blockages and all the other troubles, but it feels like hitting my head against a brick wall. What are your go to remedies for writing frustration? Do you have similar thoughts? Edit: The best way I can describe this is always thinking about goals and the future instead of the present, on one specific task.
What helps me is accepting that frustrations and adversity will happen at some point, and definitely at multiple times, in this journey. It's supposed to get frustrating, and that thought at least is a little comforting. Your life is a story, too: try not to rush through the difficult parts, because that's where the soul of the story resonates from. When I was studying physics, one of the skills that we developed was learning to ask these series of questions, to go down these forked paths. The idea was 1) to find the 'right' path (of which there might be many choices), and to know why it was the right path, and any conclusions drawn from this, but 2) to find the wrong paths, and to know why they were the wrong/clumsy/least efficient paths in that particular circumstance. You've got to follow the paths of trial and error, so that eventually, you've got the experience and deep intuition to troubleshoot any problem - you know that X might not work because of Y, but Z might give you the answers, etc. Best part is, you can literally apply this method to anything: writing, music, art, cooking, knitting, acting... the list goes on. If your aim is true, it shouldn't get easier: it should actively get harder if you're actually trying to create something in the nature of what you've been saying. You're trying to scale a mountain. Or dig the deepest hole. Let's keep with this metaphor... It's hard, and it's a long way up, or down, and as long as you're well-equipped (i.e. a warm jacket and a raincoat, no need for the best hiking gear or the best spade - just enough to keep you going), there's no reason why you can't do this, so get digging! I'd say, keep going, and keep throwing yourself into it with the vivacity you already have.
That's a lot to put on your shoulders. I'd shrug off that big goal until later. That's the type of thing that requires a lifetime of projects. Right now my goal is just to make a bit of money, in ten years I might want to make something that has more of an impact but I'm not there yet. But yeah, I've been in that mindframe of big picture worries. It's helped to make my goals smaller and choose easier tasks. Instead of writing the next great coming of age literary masterpiece, I decided to write romance and I went from never finishing anything to actually finishing things because romance is manageable to me and a literary masterpiece to rival the greats was not manageable. As far as infinite possible story paths... You're going to have to just pick one. If it's shit, you change it. If it's not shit you edit it until it's the final draft. You'll know if it's shit because you won't like writing it and multiple edits still leave you frowning. Not really sure what else to say other than that.
You need to do something dangerous. Take some risks, step out of your comfort zone, do something so physically demanding that it leaves you out of breath, out energy. Fast for a couple of days, work a couple of all nighters at whatever you do for a living. Home, never looks as good, nor is it appreciated as much unless you have been away for awhile and had time to miss it. Balance and knowledge are the keys to creativity and bring the reality of your work so that others can appreciate what you made. Home made bread never tasted so good if you haven't eaten in a day or two. Your favorite chair and the warmth of your living room never felt so good, if you are dead tired, cold and mentally whipped. To really share the beauty of anything, sometimes it pays to look at the absence of it. Sometimes, less is more.
I used to have the "Your worth is in what you create." mindset. (It still haunts me sometimes. ) The issue with it is that it doesn't sound wrong enough to get rid of. It appeared in everything I did. Writing, music, mathematics, etc. I was trying so many things at the same time, and stressing out over the fact that I'm not Beethoven, Alan Turing, or Charles Dickens all at the same time. I was reading about Galois. (He was a French mathematician who died in an unwanted duel, nevertheless made huge contributions to mathematics.) Sometimes it made me think that I need to prove a new theorem in mathematics and then die young for life to be worth it. It made me become super sensitive about failing to solve a problem even though the necessity of failure is an established fact. I remember going "Why didn't I think about this?" whenever I learned about a new algorithm in cryptography. =) That's just going to drain you. Learning will just stop being enjoyable at one point like this. Thinking back, it was never like this when I was in middle school and high school. We would just write with no worries. 95% of my writings are from that period. I'm not saying I wrote the best stories, but at least I actually sat down and created. I think it was mostly because my concern wasn't creating something that would make a change. That was my job after going to university. I was just warming up. But then I went to university and had my "oh shit." moment. I know I would feel the same if I postpone it to grad school. It's just a lifetime experience. Galois' was 20 years, Darwin's was 70. (Just read about how his ideas of Natural Selection matured over time.) What I would do is, whenever obsessive thoughts came to me, I would postpone thinking about them but force myself to sit down and think about them at a previously set time of the day. Writing all the details I possibly could about them. (Journaling, in general, helps a lot.) They got weaker and weaker over time. This helps with all sorts of obsessive thoughts like this. I also realized that I need to clearly define what my goals for each activity are. I was studying and doing arts at the same time but wanted to be really good at both of them. That's too much extra stress. For example with writing, I clarified that I want to do it to take a break from my everyday problems and ground my imagination. This will get rid of all those Beethoven and Charles Dickens fantasies. But the MOST IMPORTANT thing of all time: good sleep (enough and early). That is truly a game-changer. It made me a lot more emotionally stable and focused. It's going to organize your brain so you don't have to think about a zillion things at the same time. Doing things gets more fun too. I think @RMBROWN made really good points. Things could get pretty foggy when you stay static for too long. Doing new things always helps out with that. (It will boost your imagination too.) These days I'm just trying my best to stick to my goals and do as much as I can, and it feels good for the most part.
Many great responses so far that cover a lot of important things, but I'll add in my tidbits... Everyone's writing journey is different, but over the years I've realized some things that drive me crazy, especially when I'm torn with similar challenges as the OP (the desire not just to create but to produce, and put things out in the world -- the good news is that if you feel THAT, then you're on the right path. Writing, as much as anything is a calling for many people.) It's also important to remember that a writer's mind is both his best friend and worst enemy. And two, that it's not always good to force it. It's our curse. We really want to write something but we either don't know where to start or how to finish. Usually if we have one or the other, the middle part takes care of itself. I think we've all been there. It's a problem I face daily and I write for a lot of different sources and mediums, not to mention my own books. Sometimes it's good to walk away for a bit. Don't force the writing, just let the idea(s) simmer for a bit. It'll come to you. I also completely empathize with your fear of time and death...hell, I have an entire motif of tattoos dedicated to the very subject. It's scary, and can make you feel like you need to produce something NOW. But that also can open the trap of forcing. In the here and now, write what you know, write what you feel, and let those big ideas develop. They'll be there when you're ready. A post above mentioned journaling...that's a good idea. Get your random thoughts out somewhere. Even if you're the only one who sees them. Revisit what you wrote later, and you may very well find an idea for a story or 10 in there.
I appreciate the personal response, Damage718. I suppose I've always been someone who judges myself based on my output. I struggle to take breaks and, as you say, that's something I need to do. This isn't a brag or anything, it's merely to illustrate the point, but I used to do uni assignments weeks in advance. I think this is because I get extremely stressed whenever I have deadlines and I always want to get stuff done quickly. Obviously this isn't comparable to writing since I do it in my spare time, but it shows I have some issues with time and work. I mean, I once came in with a bound first quarter of my dissertation before most people had started theirs. It's like I'm almost afraid of having so little time to do something that I force myself to do it. I don't want the feeling of anxiety. Sadly though, I was often anxious even working on reports. For me, a week to do something was far, far too short. So when I run into a problem in something as small as a short story that feeling of running into a wall is amplified. By the way, I wouldn't say I'm afraid of death itself but the lack of time that results from the always looming nature of it. Thanks, everyone.
I have a strange and probably unhealthy obsession with time, too. There simply isn't enough of it in the big picture, but it's all relative. A week to do a short assignment can feel like eons to some, but mere seconds to others. I think a lot of us have opinions and feelings about time to create/complete something. You just need to find the pace and groove that works for you. It's also not uncommon to run into a wall in a short story and it feels magnified. Happens to me all the time and I have two books of shorts and am in pre-production on a third. Part of that is because it's a short, you're already working in a sort of bracket, and can't expand it that much. That's also why a lot of novels began as short stories. Someone on here once said that you just need to give the story the life that it needs---meaning, some stories are better as shorts, and others need to be longer. That can reveal itself as you write it, but also (and at the risk of sounding hypocritical because I don't always heed my own advice), don't try to fit a square peg into a round hole. Be receptive to your own ideas and try to be patient for that "spark" but don't always go hunting for it. That's how forcing can happen.
