So the character is recalling a past conversation, so I started off with words like 'had said', 'had been' e.g. "I'll miss you," she had said. However it's a long conversation and adding 'had' to everything seems off putting to me. This is an example (not what I actually wrote which is much longer): "I'll miss you," she had said. "Me too," her aunt had replied, scooping her into a hug. Fee had giggled as she'd squirmed out of the embrace. "Go," she'd urged as she'd walked towards the train. "Be good, and don't talk to strangers!" her aunt had called. Now Fee wished the hug had gone longer. Do you get what I mean by the hads being overpowering? So I instead started with a had, reverted to comfortable language, and then ended with a had before returning to present. E.g "I'll miss you," she had said. "Me too," her aunt replied, scooping her into a hug. Fee giggled as she squirmed out of the embrace. "Go," she urged as she walked towards the train. "Be good, and don't talk to strangers!" her aunt had called. Now Fee wished the hug had gone longer. Is that wrong? Or are there other ways to do this? Just remove the 'had' s and use italics? Also, at the word 'go' in both examples, should that be on a new line or is it fine where it is?
There is a rule for this, thank goodness. You only use 'had' the first time you're dropping into the past. Past perfect is the name of the 'had' tense. Past simple is the other. As for the go: Fee giggled as she squirmed out of the embrace. "Go. " She walked towards the train. OR: Fee giggled as she squirmed out of the embrace. "Go," she urged as she walked towards the train.
I don't see anything wrong with your second version at all. What you want to strive for is clarity, and I think you've achieved it. Of course context matters, but throwing just ONE 'had' into the mix can create confusion if the reader is reading fast and misses it. Throwing in a second 'had' in this kind of instance doesn't usually hurt. Then revert to simple past until you wind the passage up—which you did very nicely, using 'now.' It all boils down to how it reads. Because you're using mostly dialogue here, it reads quickly. So you will need to make it clear to your reader, who is galloping along, that this is a recollection. Using two 'hads' does the trick.
