I’d appreciate any comments on my depiction of this clothing and accessories. This is a first bang-it-out draft in which I don’t go back to previous paragraphs, so I can make it through the initial pass without getting distracted. And it’s silly to polish something that might get completely changed, so the fluidity might be a bit bad. Is the outfit described correctly and well? Is it going to “work”? Any improvements from those who are experienced with such things? (paragraph numbers are to make it easy to refer back to in discussion) The reader already knows that “green” has light skin and “violet” has olive skin, and they are just back from a sunny beach vacation. The Professor was dressed more casually than they normally see him, and showed a noticeable sun tan, and had a few superficial scratches as threads of dried-blood colored scabs on one calf and lower arm. The women wore sundresses, but they were nothing like the plain slips that were commonly seen these days. “Green eyes” wore a mostly white dress with a neckline that plunged to her sternum. The dress was comprised of overlapping separate pieces of cloth, and the overall effect was evocative of an orchid. Each cloth petal had yellow, cream, and purple highlights; but it was not a normal print fabric with pieces cut out; rather, each piece was colored specifically to match its contours and shape. The skirt was asymmetric, reaching down to her knee on her left, but only down to mid-thigh on the right. Or to be more precise, the front and back of her upper right thigh was covered; in a counterpoint to the plunging neckline, the curved petals left a slit on her right side that came up to the widest point on her hip. Ruffles were built up around the shoulders, in a matching but more translucent cloth. The overall effect was as if she was in the process of being swaddled with orchid petals. Her hair was swept back on the sides of her head, held back using an elaborate gold hair slide or comb of some kind above each ear. Her honey-colored hair was collected in back in what could be thought of as a very wide pony tale (otter tail? Luke wondered) draping from an 8-inch wide barrette. She accented this with a Matinée length pearl necklace. The pearls were rosy gold and luminous, and complemented her lightly tanned skin very nicely. Single small pearls adorned her earlobes (she had only the lobes pierced, evoking a more mature and regal appearance than her apparent age). On one wrist she had a small assortment of delicate bangles in various gold through bronze hues. “Violet eyes” was completely different, but matching. She had a sundress of ocher, which would be an awful color on most people, but perfectly suited her skin tone. It had a princess shape. The off-shoulder top hugged her body above the waist and showed just a small amount of cleavage. The knee-length skirt part had deep pleats and a loft as if using an invisible petticoat. The fabric seemed to be translucent, the color arising from deep under the surface with her bronze skin. Where the dress ended and her torso emerged, the fabric was folded over into a flouncy shawl collar, adding some opaqueness and making one wonder whether her nipples would show through if there was only a single layer of cloth there. Her chestnut hair was gathered into a ponytail with a hair slide in the shape of a disk, teardrops of purple and deep blue crystal set in rose gold. Her ponytail was over one shoulder at the moment, reaching the top of one breast. Almost overlooked, a sash tied in a bow around her waist was of the same material as the dress, the bow adding interest to the otherwise plain front above the skirt. Her jewelry, as one might expect, was amethyst. An elastic choker in black with a tiny lace border held a short rose-gold chain, on which hung a pendant made from a natural-shaped amethyst crystal. It faded to clear quartz near the base, which was mounted in the setting. It hung in the center of the exposed skin between the choker and her décolletage. Drop earrings matched, rose gold ending in pear-shaped cut faceted amethyst. A bracelet, four fingers wide, complemented the hair slide being an abstract mosaic of (Luke was later to learn) tanzanite that shifts color in different light in the exact opposite way to her eyes, violet iolite, deep blue kyanite, and small stones of many different types, all set in a rose-gold matrix. A present from Beth using individual stones she found that seemed right, it was one of the pieces that they kept at the bank rather than in their safe at home. Finally, she had sunglasses that looked like a common thin continuous wrap-around visor, with a small shade brim along the top, but seemed to be nice jewelry rather than simple plastic frames. The yellow tinted glasses might be, one would suppose, due to sensitive eyes and also provide complete UV blockage. But she actually wore them to remain inconspicuous. Both had shoes that didn’t hide the feet and could best be described as “strapy”. They adorned the legs up to mid-calf. Neither woman carried any kind of purse. No doubt they were using The Professor as their pack mule, with his many-pocketed knee-length cargo shorts. Indeed, when “violet eyes” took off her glasses, she handed them to The Professor without a word.
I may be frequenting the wrong places, but I don't think I've ever seen a woman wear a sundress with jewelry before. Usually just sandals and maybe a hat and sunglasses.
Depends on the sundress. With casual jewelry, absolutely. usually an earrings and bracelet or necklace and bracelet. Standard attire for an upscale pool party or hotel pool bar in Palm Springs. If they're sundresses as above, not pearls. Not amethysts. Simple gold jewelry and bangle bracelets or casual jewelry picked up on their travels. If they're sleeveless summer dresses those are not called sun dresses. I might describe that as a sleeveless summer dress. Sun dresses are usually of a more casual fabric. Question: Are the women call girls? The descriptions read like Heidi Fleiss girls. Edited to add: Never in my life have I had a guy carry my possessions for me on his person, and I don't know any other woman who has, either. We either find a way to stuff it in a clutch or wristlet or do without. (It's always the other way around, with the guy asking me to carry his keys or whatever.)
I remembered the term too late to edit my post, but the dress on "Green Eyes" might be described as a summer sheath with ruffled shoulder detail. A sheath is a sleeveless dress that's less casual than a sun dress. They're usually depicted as straight and conservative and simple (Jackie Kennedy was fond of the sheath silhouette), but... My understanding is what makes it a sheath is the straight up and down rectangle, but that as long as the skirt is not A-line or flared, the hem itself can be asymmetrical, rounded at the bottom as a tulip skirt, the neckline can plunge, etc.. (Not a fashion expert--Had a mom who made all her own clothes so I spent a lot of time looking at pattern books in fabric stores.) ETA: strappy shoes would be called strappy high heels or strappy high heeled sandals. Hope that helps!
I’m from Texas. It’s well known that pearls go with blue jeans or whatever here. Granted, this scene is in St.Louis, not Dallas. The people are quite worldly and well traveled and familiar with other cultures, so might shake things up a bit. Thanks! I’ll look that up. No! I want them to appear glamorous, not at all trashy. Yea, the unusual reversal is intentional. The large-pocketed cargo pants are evocative of mule packs. They probably didn't need to bring anything except the car fob, but she wore the sunglasses rather than leaving them in the car.
General comments: - I too am getting a trashy vibe. - There's also a great deal of detail. If Luke (is he the POV character for all of them?) is a fashion designer, fashion photographer, etc., these could work, but otherwise I see too much knowledge and too much specific detail. - There's a lot of ornamentation. There's a classic Chanel quote, "Before you leave the house, look in the mirror and take one thing off.” I feel as if these women looked in the mirror and added something. I don't think that petal dress, for example, needs pearls or bangles, much less both. I would suggest a lot less detail. I'm going to do that bad thing I do and write this in my own voice, from my character Henry's point of view. When Henry saw Jane, he realized that he was even more underdressed than he'd thought. She looked like a woman emerging from a flower--petal-like layers of white fabric outlined her slim figure, each layer translucent so that you could see the next. It all left him with the illusion that a sustained observation of her movement and the petals' fluttering might reward the viewer with a...well, a view. Not that he needed the petals' help--the deep neckline also offered plenty to look at, especially with her hair up and back. And the hem was uneven, to give a delightful contrast between a prim below-the-knee leg on one side, and a much longer, starting-with-the-thigh view on the other. He wasn't bored. "It was white?" Emily asked him later, with her sketchbook open to document his impressions of the dress. "Just white?" He shrugged. "There were some colors on the edges." "And was she wearing jewelry?" "...pearls? Maybe?" She covered her face in her hands. "Hopeless. You're hopeless. Did you at least take a picture?" "I was...distracted."
OK...Just so you're aware that it comes off as really...creepy. That, as much as the girls' attire, is actually what made me think they were call girls. I honestly thought the "professor" was their pimp, bringing them to an event to meet customers. Leave sunglasses in the car??? (Kidding. I'm from Southern California. )
Ah, context. That's at the very conclusion of the scene. Here’s the whole thing if you like. The body of the scene also explains the reason for the sunglasses, and why it’s dry humor that she was wearing them to be inconspicuous when she’s all dolled up and turns heads regardless.
I'm going to agree with @ChickenFreak that this is just way too detailed in the description. I actually like clothes and fashion, but I was totally glazing over by 4 or 5. Pick a couple of things about each woman's clothes and accessories and let your reader's imaginations do the rest. If I wanted to read that much about a woman's look in-depth I'd hit up Vogue magazine or a fashion blog like http://tomandlorenzo.com (which I visit daily). I also have to agree with the excessive accessorizing, which it what I think might be giving some the trashy vibe. If you're going for women who are truly chic and sophisticated, you want to avoid the idea that they're trying too hard with their outfits. Even if an outfit was carefully curated by a $1000/hour stylist, it should look breezy and effortless. Like this: Or this:
