1. Eric Byers

    Eric Byers New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2014
    Messages:
    64
    Likes Received:
    25
    Location:
    Huntington IN

    Thought attribution

    Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by Eric Byers, Dec 9, 2014.

    I had a question about thought attribution and how to write inner dialogue, whether the use of quotations are necessary for instance

    "It's no wonder she is top of her class" he thought

    :It's no wonder she is top of her class

    Or if it need be signified at all,
    though I imagine that could be a bit confusing to the reader. Never knowing when it's inner dialogue or not. I do understand that it is purely a question of style and it really depends on the context. But, Id like to hear everyone yell at me today so... have at me :)
     
  2. thirdwind

    thirdwind Member Contest Administrator Reviewer Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2008
    Messages:
    7,851
    Likes Received:
    3,339
    Location:
    Boston
    No quotes are necessary, though the format is similar to dialogue. So you would write it as

    It's no wonder she is top of her class, he thought.

    The "he thought" tag makes it clear that the character is thinking this. You can also choose to leave out the tag, but it would have to be clear through context that these are the character's thoughts (as opposed to just narration).
     
    Eric Byers and Wreybies like this.
  3. Eric Byers

    Eric Byers New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2014
    Messages:
    64
    Likes Received:
    25
    Location:
    Huntington IN
    Thank you :)
     
  4. daemon

    daemon Contributor Contributor

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2014
    Messages:
    1,357
    Likes Received:
    978
    As a reader, I prefer minimal filtering. That means, whenever possible, the narrator describes that which is perceived or thought, without reminding the reader who perceives or thinks it.

    So instead of:

    He read what she had written. "It's no wonder she's at the top of her class," he thought. Then he did something.

    Or even:

    He read what she had written. It's no wonder she's at the top of her class. Then he did something.

    Try:

    He read what she had written. No wonder she was at the top of her class. Then he did something.
     
    peachalulu and ChickenFreak like this.
  5. BayView

    BayView Huh. Interesting. Contributor

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2014
    Messages:
    10,462
    Likes Received:
    11,689
    It depends on context and genre and style and probably the position of the planets, but sometimes the "he thought" part is considered "filter words", which are undesirable.

    If you're in deep third, you can probably skip them, and certainly skip the quotation marks. Sometimes you need a mix. For example:

    Sara was staring at the board as if she had X-ray vision and was able to see right through the equations to the concepts behind them. She was scribbling fiercely, and John knew from experience that her notes would be insightful and complete. It was no wonder she was at the top of her class.

    There are filter words ("John knew") for part of it, because I needed to introduce the extra explanation of HOW he knew. But then the part at the end doesn't need a filter b/c it's obvious that it's his thoughts.

    If you want to set the thoughts off more, possibly because the precise wording is important, I'd suggest italics rather than quotation marks. Like:

    He took a seat next to her and tried to build up his confidence. You're a good guy. You're not bad looking. You generally smell okay. But it didn't work.


    ETA: Or... what daemon said.
     
    daemon likes this.
  6. daemon

    daemon Contributor Contributor

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2014
    Messages:
    1,357
    Likes Received:
    978
    That is a good point that had not occurred to me. Sometimes, the information that causes a character to think something is just as significant of a part of the story as what the character actually thinks. In that case, I recommend writing a sentence where the topic is the basis for the thought, rather than the thought itself, and seeing if the sentence works:

    Staring at the equations on the board as if she had X-ray vision and could see the concepts behind them, Sara scribbled in her notebook. Her notes were always so insightful and complete, it was no wonder she was at the top of her class.
     
  7. BayView

    BayView Huh. Interesting. Contributor

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2014
    Messages:
    10,462
    Likes Received:
    11,689
    For me, I'm still left wondering (as a reader) how the narrator got the information about Sara's notes. My original "from experience" doesn't give a lot more detail, I admit...
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice