I need help with adventure game's dialogs

Hello,

I'm planning to release a free retro fan-made game, an adventure called "Dizzy and The Other Side", and I need someone with experience in writing, to review the dialog texts in the game, and to make eventual rephrasing where needed.

The story is pretty fun and interesting, I hope, and if anyone wants to help me with the correction, I can also provide a playable version of the game and an walkthrough text file, to help you if stuck. The game can be finished in about 3 to 6 hours.

The format of the dialog text file looks like this:

#def TXTGM_1000 "AND THEN,"
#def TXTGM_1001 "I'VE TOLD THE PIRATE\nABOUT YOUR SCUBA-DIVE."
#def TXTGM_1002 "AND HE SAID..."
#def TXTGM_1003 "DIZZY?!"
#def TXTGM_1004 "WHERE DID YOU GO?"
#def TXTGM_1005 "AND WHAT ABOUT\nMY SCUBA-DIVE?"
#def TXTGM_1006 "SUDDENLY,\nEVERYTHING TURNS BLACK!"
#def TXTGM_1007 "AS DIZZY WONDERS\nWHAT IS HAPPENING,\nHE FEELS A COLD SWEAT\nRUNNING DOWN HIS BACK."
#def TXTGM_1008 "\nACT I\n\n\"THE SLIDING POTION\"\n"
#def TXTGM_1009 "OH, NO!\nIT'S THE EVIL\nWIZARD ZAKS!"
#def TXTGM_1010 "OH YES!\nIT'S MY FAVORITE\nYOLK, DIZZY!"
#def TXTGM_1011 "WHAT DO YOU\nWANT FROM ME?"
#def TXTGM_1012 "WELL, LET'S SEE...\nUSUALLY TO KIDNAP YOU\nAND TROW YOU INTO\nTHE DUNGEON,"
#def TXTGM_1013 "TO TURN YOUR FRIENDS\nINTO WHATEVER I PLEASE,\nTO..."
#def TXTGM_1014 "BUT NOW, I JUST\nWANT A FAVOUR."
#def TXTGM_1015 "A FAVOUR?\nAND WHAT MAKES YOU\nTHINK I'LL DO IT?"
#def TXTGM_1016 "I THOUGHT\nYOU'LL SAY THAT\n...PRENTICE!"
#def TXTGM_1017 "YES MASTER!"
...

There are about 1400 lines like these in a 70KB text file.
Unfortunately I don't have a story script with the dialogs, or additional comments, but the dialog lines are somehow ordered in each sequence. And if you want, you can play the game to get the context.

I'm not a native english speaker, and I'm interested mostly in fixing errors of exprimation, or bad grammar. My hope is to offer the players a better quality of dialogs.

I can't provide payment for this help, because the game is free and it has no real budget. But I will post you on the credits screen.

Now if anyone wants to help me, or needs more details, you can post here or PM me.
If you want to know about Dizzy fan-made games, google for the "DizzyAGE" website.

Thanks!
Alex

 

I will help you, Alex. What you have here seems a bit confusing. If you could send the text file to my email address, I will have a look at it an send you the edited version as soon as I can.

natalie.burwell@yahoo.com

~Natalie

PM me if you need anymore information

 

Thank's a lot, Natalie!
I'll send it to you, tonight.
I also sent you a PM message.
Alex

 

I'm moving this to the Lounge. The Reviewing forum is for discussing general reviewing strategies, not for requesting review. For that matter, neither is the Lounge, but it will do this time.

 

Feel free to pm me or e-mail me at ray_a_koooll@yahoo.com if you still need help....

 

I've sent the download links in PM to nburwell and email to Neha.
Thanks!

 

As far as I checked my inbox, your mail ain't there.......I'll let you know when it does get in.

 

Neha, I've just sent you a PM too, in case the email doesn't reach you.

 

Alex,

I'm currently going through your game's dialogues. I'm on act 2, so it's moving along. I will PM you with my progress tomorrow.

~Natalie

 

Thanks a lot!

 

Hello,
Any progress? Could you send me what you have so far?
You both have PMs with my email address.
Thanks!

 

I think you posted this in the wrong place, as we have no idea what you're talking about.

 

I write script like that all the time.
If you need any help.
I would be more then willing to help.

E-mail me at: X27@optimizing.net

 

There really isn't a "right place" on this forum; game development is a bit outside our scope. But I moved it here, as about the most appropriate place to handle it this one time.