Hi everyone, I am currently working on a fantasy-romance story, written from the point of view of the female protagonist. The love interest, a 24 year old male, has fairly severe social anxiety. I am struggling with how to write this in a nuanced way. On one hand, so much of anxiety is internalized, so his struggles may not be observable to my protagonist, but I don't want to just not mention it since it is an important part of my story. On the other hand, I don't want to do a superficial, shallow portrayal of anxiety by only adding details like him wanting to leave a party early, avoiding meeting new people, etc. Any tips for describing this nuanced, internal situation without making it stereotypical and basic? Thanks!
They'll use excuses, often they won't just say "I have anxiety about this, I don't want to go." It's more like when you have to do something that triggers the anxieties you'll start to feel like crap—your back will start to ache, or you'll get a headache or feel sick. It's triggered by the anxieties, but it gives you a physical symptom and an excuse to stay home instead. Also, not everything you'd think will trigger the anxieties. Certain kinds of things will more than others, and some kinds of trips won't trigger it at all. When it's something like going shopping I have no problem, but something like a party, where there's lots of new people to meet and you're surrounded on all sides unless you put your back into a corner, that gets nightmarish. Welcome to the board by the way!
Well , social anxiety is more than just being shy, it's neurosis. Practise empathy. There are lots of resources online of first-hand accounts reporting how it feels to have social anxiety, how their day looks as a result. Here's one.
Show it all through action. It's not invisible or just shyness. The struggles, when you know what to look for, are obvious and external. Excuses, delays, awkwardness, a refusal to do simple things like make phone calls or book something. Feeling alienated and stressed in different environments. Difficulty with physical intimacy, especially proactively - never takes the initiative. Apologetic. Strange side effects for many with Social anxiety includes reluctance to jump in water, showering, haircuts, especially at a place they have never been to before. Fearing being judged about everything. Avoiding tasks because of a fear of failing or not knowing what to do and looking stupid. Not knowing what to say. Not eating or drinking at parties. Do not want to be the centre of attention, ever, and hate their own birthday parties. Relationships with SA are very, very difficult to maintain. And they will rarely if ever admit that any of it has to do with anxiety. They will mostly refuse to see anyone due to the perceived embarrassment of having a problem.
I would start by learning about social anxiety and reading first hand accounts of people who suffer from it. Showing rather than tell. Use body language, dialogue. Do more in=depth research because I really do think in this case that is what you are lacking.
As a teacher for disadvantaged youth, I SEE social anxiety all the time, and it is manifested in many, many ways, but if I may disagree with you a bit, I feel internal anxiety is shown way more then it is conveyed by words, IF a person knows what to look for. Here are a few ways to show instead of tell: Person paces a lot Is very fidgety In everyday conversations, stops talking mid sentence...a lot Person wrings hands Person texting on their phone Person always sits in back of room Person goes to the bathroom a lot (to get excused from room to be alone) Person angered by slightest infractions of others Person finds fault in others a lot And don't forget, if you are looking for realism, they might be on medication for anxiety, and that gives them a roller-coaster of emotions as they take/forget to take them. On that same level, they also are subject the the side-effects of these drugs.
personally experienced: hard to breathe when focus/attention is shifted to me sweating profusely mumbling shrinking to hide lack of eye contact/wandering eyes i tend to pick at my fingers (picking the nails, picking the skin.... at my worse, i had to wear bandaids on my fingers because i peeled the skin off of them so much, they started to bleed) always the person in the back of the room or in a corner gravitating toward the first person you recognize and following them everywhere headaches finding ways to avoid certain situations "its time to go around and introduce ourselves" ME: -conveniently has to go to the bathroom and leaves- virtual meetings: "lets talk about what we've been working on" ME: -convenient computer connection issues- Phone: -rings- ME: "i'll just text them later" crying before or after social events
I repress a lot of the psychological elements and most of my time used to be spent feeling like my chest was caving in. Weird sort of sensation/pain that made it impossible for me to stay still and forced me to always be hunched over and leaning forward before discovering mother's little helpers. Escalation of it lead me into believing I was gonna have a heart attack. Few ambulances foolishly called in my younger years. There are loads of ways it physically manifests itself for others.
Don't make the issues superficial and I think you'll be fine. It's not just skipping parties (which is a fairly unimportant thing to skip) but often skipping out on many opportunities (things they shouldn't skip or postpone like getting a job, medical attention, asking necessary questions, etc). Somewhere it says social anxiety disorder is the disorder of missed oppurtunities because they make decisions to reduce the stress and over life that keeps adding up. There are a lot of very capable, intelligent, and interesting individuals out there who have failed to thrive compared to peers for no other reason than things like social anxiety. It can be frustrating, lonely, confusing, and depressing.
As people said above me : research first. When you'll have a thick base to work around (where it comes from, how it is translated throughtout the subjects, how to treat people with social anxiety, how people act around them, what the said-people have to say about their condition, what kind of experience they had with it), you can try (as you may not have the perfect result, but at least, it is still something constructive) to put yourself in the place of a socially anxious individual, or imagining that you are talking to a person with social anxiety, and do this exercice in different situations.
Very true. One of Freud's great discoveries (he did make many of them) was that states we call insanity are actually states of mind each of us has encountered, it's just that the 'insane' person is stuck in it and it's cranked up to like 1000. We've all experienced probably all the symptoms of social anxiety at times, but less strongly than those of us who have the actual neurosis. Search your memories, you'll find your shrinking violet self in there.
i dont have social anxiety but i do have anxiety for other things, i even see a therapist about it i was going to give you some ideas but both DriedPen and J.T. Woody gave you really spot on ways to hint at or describe some1 with social anxiety or anxiety in general. i would use there ideas, especially since its not from the love interests perspective, you wont be able to portray his internal monologue.
Thank you all for your help! You are right that I absolutely should do more research, and you also helped point me in the right direction, towards physical ways that these symptoms are displayed outwards.