It is complicated to write being a bitter lonely bastard, that puts on the illusion of chaotic humor. Perhaps why I can find much enjoyment in graphically detailing a body being hacked apart, shot to hell, or enduring slow and methodical torture. Perhaps pain writes pain well. I don't feel the need to end things on a happy note, just that they end the story in the most fitting way.
Then there is the humor laden ass that tries to push things a little to far for a laugh. Even stooping into the gutter if it fits the moment.
It is simply much more difficult to not give in, and give up when you know you are not very good a something. Even more so when you put a lot of effort into it.
I am not popular, and I don't have someone to be there and support me when things get crappy. But this has made me a tougher person, because I don't have any support to be lost, only the sense of failure should I simply abandon the whole ordeal. I don't want to feel like a failure and loser, and that is why I still write. Who the fuck am I kidding, I am loser. No matter how many times I lose, I know that I didn't fail.
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