(Mother of all fark - I had the blog almost complete, and i lost the page somehow. So take two)
Anyway i know i said i wouldn't be on for a month, but I'm feeling a strange sensation tonight and need to pop on and rant.
Been a hectic few days. Saw my psychologist, and my psychiatrists. Will see my doctor in a few days time and then revisit the others in a month. Apart from making me broke, i have learnt a lot and am starting to gain an edge over my inner demon.
On anti-depressants and mood stabilisers.
The mood stabilisers could knock an elephant over. I only take half a tablet and its sleep time.
Sleep has been blissful. Usually in bed by eight at night and I'm usually up and about by seven in the morning. I'm having peaceful, dreamless uninterrupted sleep and it is great.
Some strange occurrences are happening with the cocktail of drugs though. My concentration which i pride myself over has been shot to shreds. I was doing a crossword the other day and i had to read the clue at least half a dozen times to realise what it said. Also sometimes in conversation i have to ask people to repeat themselves. Not an issue really, considering everyone else i know has done that all there life's. ha ha.
Also when in conversation, i'm finding myself a lot less quieter. I mean I'm usually the person who has to tell everyone all the current events and whats happening in the world. But i find myself just not having a lot to say. People will talk to me and I'll be like, "Sure", "okay", "yes" and "no". I just don't have much in my mind to say. I'm sure I'll open up when i get used to the medication.
Also i seem to have lost a little control over my facial movements. This sounds odd, and worrying, but let my continue. Being a hardcore poker player, i know how to guard and bluff how i feel. I can't do this anymore. Joanne came over and all i could do was smile. I am not joking when i say i could not wipe the sile of my face. I tried, but could not. She was like you are happy, and i was like, "I'm okay, i guess." it was funny.
Joanne and i are doing great She keeps saying she is proud of me, and i am proud of me as well.
ANYWAY, to the reason i post tis blog
What's the opposite of Melancholy? Is it Bliss?
I'm not sure. But i was talking to some friends i knew in High School yesterday. I found out most of them had kids. And since then (18 hours ago) i have had this feeling, this urge of wanting to have a kid too.
I can't explain it, i have forever told Joanne i never want kids. To the point that she agrees.
Suddenly i have this hole in me that just wants to start and have a family, big time. Like really.
I do feel great though.
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