1. abby75
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    abby75 Member

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    Alternative word?

    Discussion in 'General Writing' started by abby75, Aug 22, 2012.

    He grabbed the bar for support as he shifted his bottom onto the nearest stool, relieved that none of the old timers currently propping up the bar gave him a second look. Jeff waved a hand at Sally who was busy washing down the bar.

    I have used the word 'bar' too many times here but can't think of another word to replace it! My character has just walked into a pub, is there another word for bar ( I thought maybe counter but that doesn't really work) or another way of describing what the barmaid is doing?
     
  2. shadowwalker
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    shadowwalker Contributing Member Contributor

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    You may want to rephrase that first sentence - have him shift onto the stool first, then the grabbing the bar - then rephrase the next part substituting "it" for the second bar ("it" would then refer to the bar, not the stool). For the barmaid, maybe use "surface", although I see nothing wrong with "counter" either. (Oh, and I'd drop "his bottom" - what else would he be putting on the stool?)
     
  3. EdFromNY
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    EdFromNY Hope to improve with age Supporter Contributor

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    Or' you could just drop "the bar" from the first sentence - "He grabbed for support as he..."
     
  4. abby75
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    abby75 Member

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    Thank you! Funny how it's so obvious when someone else points it out!
     
  5. Trilby
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    Trilby Contributing Member Contributor

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    'He grabbed' sounds to me as though he is stumbling or near fainting - fine if that is the case, if not I would go with something like this;
    Taking hold of the counter for support he sat down on the nearest stool, relieved that none of the old timers propping up the bar gave him a second look.

    and to get rid of bar from the final sentence, Sally could be rinsing glasses, pulling a pint or slicing lemons.
     
  6. abby75
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    abby75 Member

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    Thanks Trilby that's really useful, I will use the slicing lemons idea.
     

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