1. MatrixGravity
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    MatrixGravity Senior Member

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    Am I wrong in this situation?

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by MatrixGravity, Apr 1, 2011.

    My friend does nothing but sit at home all day and play his PS3. I told him that he should find something better to do rather then sit at home all day. Maybe try to get out of the house once in a while? And he tells me that he's going to ignore my messages from now on. Who's in the wrong here? All i'm doing is simply suggesting for him to find something to do in his spare time. He's not going to get anything done sitting in his room all the time. Then I told this story to one of my peers, and he says that i'm a piece of **** just for suggesting to my friend that he should do something more meaningful with his life rather then throw it away. I was merely watching out for my friends best interest. I don't see why I'm at fault in this situation. I wish him the best, and frankly I'm getting sick of being portrayed as a bad person in cases like these.
     
  2. CDRW
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    CDRW Contributing Member Contributor

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    If your description of the situation is accurate, then you're not at fault except perhaps for some indelicacy of speech. There's a whole lot of stuff that goes into this sort of situation though and it's hard to say. How do you feel about the way it went down?
     
  3. MatrixGravity
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    MatrixGravity Senior Member

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    Thanks for the input. Honestly, I don't think I said anything wrong in this case. I just casually told my best friend I urge him to start looking for something to do with his spare time rather then investing it into silly video game's which honestly won't get him very far in life. Then afterwards, I explained the conversation to a peer of mine, and he said that I have no right telling people what to do and that i'm a terrible person. Honestly I just feel like he overreacted a great deal. I don't think it was right of him to say that. I wish the best for my best friend and I'd want nothing more then to see him succeed in his endeavors but he's not going to get very far in life without his friends motivating him. Now I may not have put it the best but either way, we're best friends and I hope he got the memo. I just think he has potential but he chooses to throw it away. Also I don't think my peer is really insane to even resort to personally attacking me and saying I'm a piece of crap simply for trying to help one of my good friends out..
     
  4. Buggy
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    Buggy Member

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    Coming from a family where my mother is constantly "casually urging" me to do something worthwhile with my time, I know how annoying it can be. What you have to realize is that people are not unaware of their own uselessness. Its likely he thinks about it frequently, and it may even be a sore spot of his, which may be why he reacted in such a way. As for the third party, he may have recognized the situation and had remnant feelings of resentment towards the person who urged him.
    My policy is to let people hit rock bottom. Be there for them when that happens, but until then, step lightly. It will be much better for his character in the end if he does this himself.
     
  5. chacotaco91
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    chacotaco91 Senior Member

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    I agree. No one likes to be approached and told that:

    "your wasting your life"
    "all you do is sit by yourself all day, you have no friends".

    How people work is that no matter how well-meaning you may be, and no matter how kindly you may say your words: they're going to interpret it harshly. We naturally think people meant wrong or meant it in a mean way, its just how our insecurities interpret everything around us.

    All you can do is bug him. Constantly ask him to go to the park with you, to go out, go to the movies; anything like that. He will probably say no a lot, but he'll be glad to know you at least care. He might be going through depression, and video games are a great way to kill time and cut yourself out of the world. Just make sure he knows that he has someone, and maybe one of those days he will go out with you, and realize what he's been missing.
     
  6. hiddennovelist
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    hiddennovelist Contributing Member Contributor

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    Can you really use the words "casually" and then "urge" to describe the same thing? Maybe what you saw as casual, your friend saw as pushy. That could be why they got so upset.

    Honestly, it seems like a bit of an overreaction to decide to not read any more messages from you ever because of it, but at the same time, I can totally see where your friend is coming from. I wouldn't want someone to all of a sudden start telling me that the way I'm living my life isn't good, even if they had a point.
     
  7. MatrixGravity
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    MatrixGravity Senior Member

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    No you've got it mixed up. I told my Best friend of eight years that he needs to get his life in order. Then I went and explained this situation to another friend of mine which resulted in him freaking the hell out telling me that i'm a piece of crap. Anyway, I honestly doubt I offended my best friend at all because he's probably well aware of what he's doing but besides that, I don't think that other third party friend should of reacted like that. What he said during the conversation was uncalled for. Not only did he say I was a piece of crap, but then he said "I can't wait till you get yours."
     
  8. Dandroid
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    Dandroid Senior Member

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    was he soliciting your opinion or help?
     
  9. Mallory
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    Mallory Mallegory. Contributor

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    I think both of you are right and also both of you are wrong. Yes, it's bad to sit around and play video games with no bigger purpose in life at all, but yes, it's also bad to tell other people what to do if they aren't hurting anyone. I can understand your point but I can also understand your friend's. However, I do agree that him completely cutting you loose is a bit over the top.

    Maybe you could call him up on the phone and say something to the effect of "Hey dude, my bad, I didn't mean to boss you around or anything, I just like hanging out with you and I thought it could be cool if we could hang out and do something besides PS3 every once in a while."

    And then don't harp on him. Some poeple are obsessed with video games and it's just how they are. Let them be. :)
     
  10. Buggy
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    Buggy Member

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    Hahaha if he said "I can't wait till you get yours", his issues may be pretty deep-seated. Lock your doors!
     
  11. Speedy
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    Speedy Contributing Member Contributor

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    I think people should live their own lifes and not tell others how to live their's. I mean how old is this guy? and does he actually ONLY play ps3 ALL day?

    What you said is something a parent would say, which in turn would not get a nice flowery reply. What do you really expect when you tell someone they are a bum and they should wake up.

    Also, i really dont think this is about being right or wrong to be honest.
     
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  12. art
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    art Contributing Member Contributor

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    This happens often, MG? What were the other cases?
     
  13. Elgaisma
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    Elgaisma Contributing Member Contributor

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    Well um if my bestfriend suddenly morphed into my mother I would have issues - he's known me 20 years so has some leeway. Instead of nagging he would invite me to something fun.
     
  14. Eunoia
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    Eunoia Contributing Member Contributor

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    People don't like being told what to do, especially if it's along the lines of 'you should do more with your life.' I think he did overreact, but he was probably hurt by what you said. No doubt he knows that he shouldn't be playing games all day. You could every now and again ask him about his ambitions in life or something but in a very lighthearted way, or you could ask him out to do things with you instead so he does get out of the house and perhaps get himself motivated to change. And does he really play games all day? I know it is possible, but all day every day? Really? But it's his life, and you have to let him live it.
     
  15. Forkfoot
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    Forkfoot Contributing Member Contributor

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    What are you, trying to save his soul? The way reality is set up it's not really possible to play video games all the time for the rest of your life, unless you have really rich and "cool" parents who don't mind you mooching off them forever and plan on leaving you a fortune when they die. Even if that's the case, he'll either find all the joy and fulfillment his heart desires in his video games and live happily ever after, or, much more likely, he'll eventually get bored with it and go for a walk or talk to his hot neighbor or something. Either way, who the hell are you? Let him figure it out on his own.
     
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  16. Mallory
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    Mallory Mallegory. Contributor

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    Yeah man. Live and let live.
     
  17. Link the Writer
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    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

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    I'm like this guy. I take great pleasure in staying in my room all day surfing the internet and playing videogames. It's how I get away from the world.

    On occasion, I think about my apparent uslesness to society, fear that I'm becoming a dead-weight. It gets me depressed, but I remind myself "Dude, you're in college and you have a life-long goal which is to be a librarian. Just take it one day at a time."

    Videogames are what he loves. It gives him joy, pleasure, and a way to escape. Let him play the PS3. Pestering him about it will only make him bitter toward you.
     
  18. madhoca
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    madhoca Contributing Member Contributor

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    I nagged my daughter about this. She's taken her revenge by deciding to become a video game designer and has already started on her degree. Yes, even so it annoys me that so much of her time seems to be spent on games, but she tells me either I'm writing or reading in my spare time, so what's the difference?

    And what Link said.
     
  19. chacotaco91
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    chacotaco91 Senior Member

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    Man do I agree with this. I used to play way to many video games in high school, but have thankfully cut off myself off from most of them since I've been in college.

    However, not once did the nagging of my mother about wasting my life really compel me to ever quit. It did nothing but make me feel bitter or useless, so I just said "why not just play video-games? whats the point?"

    She tells you you'll never make friends, you interpret "well, I guess I'm not a very social person since I play all the games, might as well just stick to what I like to do."

    It was only by myself that I realized what I really wanted to do, and that over-playing games would get in the way of that.

    Honestly, we are so keen to call the person who sits quietly by themselves playing video-games "useless/wasting their lives." That person is more harmless than anyone in society really. Is it really a much greater and more respectable life to have as many friends as possible? Or to work day and night at the expense of what you love to secure financial gain? Why isn't the successful and popular person you know who's also a sleaze bag considered the great thing we should all emulate. Just because he shows "confidence" and "initiative"? That person probably pissed on anyone during his rise to the top and for his goals, unlike the gamer who sat quietly by himself and is content with more simple things.
     
  20. Ellipse
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    Ellipse Contributing Member Contributor

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    Everyone has their own way of relaxing and staying sane in life. Some people like to play PS3 for 8 hours after coming home from work. Others play WoW religiously. People like me, write.

    Unless your friend is ignoring his kid or something so he can play the PS3, don't let it bother you. It's not something you need to worry about.

    It's like a mountain climber snapping at you for writing/typing all day when you could be climbing Mount Everest instead.
     
  21. Link the Writer
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    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

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    Or an athletic person telling someone who likes to read something like:

    "I just think it's a waste that you're sitting there for eight hours at a time reading a book when you could be out doing something like riding a bike, participating in sports, or jogging."

    It makes the person in question ashamed of their own hobby, ashamed of something that gives them pleasure and makes them feel like they're doing something wrong. So, in order to make the friend/relative happy, they give up what actually did give them pleasure to participate in something that does nothing but make them miserable.

    Let him play his PS3. If it gives him pleasure, let him. He's not hurting anyone. Besides, you've failed to specify how old he is. If he's just a kid, then no, he's not gonna be paying the bills and crap like that. He's a kid! If he's an adult, as long as he's paying the bills, taking care of the house, etc, then I see no problem with him playing his PS3 in his spare time.

    I mean, how would you feel if someone told you to stop writing because they thought you looked like a lump sitting there, hunched at your laptop banging out words to a book that may never get published? That it was a waste of time?

    Also, he could very well be introverted. This means he is fine with not hanging out with people 24/7. Doesn't make him a bad person to not want to hang out with people 24/7. I wouldn't want to, especially in a crowded building where I'm sandwiched on all sides.
     
  22. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    that 'other friend' of yours is no friend, if he reacted that way, so it's no loss if he wants nothing to do with you any more...

    you did a caring thing by trying to get your bf to see that it's not good to do what he's doing... but that's all you can do, so just accept that you can't change anyone who doesn't want to change and go on being his friend...
     
  23. Torana
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    Torana Contributing Member Contributor

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    In all honesty, you've done nothing wrong, other than shown some concern for a friend.

    Years ago, I was in a similar situation, except I was the one being told to stop spending so much time doing what I was doing, and do something better with my life. Took me a long time, but I have. :)

    Some people DO spend too much time playing games, so it is good to give them a reality check every now and then. Don't stress too much, just say to your mate that you didn't mean to sound like an ass, but you were just concerned. If he don't like that you were concerned about him, then it's his loss and not yours. I have in the past been concerned about the time my friends played games and so forth, and I told them as well. Did it cause problems? With a few, yeah, but I was concerned, and I am always honest with my mates. ALWAYS! You did the right thing by voicing concerns if you ask me.
     
  24. RobT
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    RobT Active Member

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    Unless it's a slip of the word processor, this would intimate at being a regular occurence?
     
  25. fish1
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    fish1 Member

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    I can't really think of a situation where it would be appropriate for a friend to tell another friend to "do something better with their time". That's what parents are for. People will live their lives how they want to. They're probaby happy with the way their life is and if not it's their responsibility to alter it. Besides, do whatever makes you happy, right? We all end up dying one day, so whether you were a professional athlete or gamer is irrelevant when you cease to exist/enter the afterlife.
     

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