1. No-Name Slob
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    No-Name Slob Contributing Member Supporter Contributor

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    Awkward Encounters of the Human Kind

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by No-Name Slob, Apr 25, 2016.

    Discuss your awkward encounters with humans -- as simple as a weird grocery store encounter, or as problematic as a misunderstood medical diagnosis. Score it, and learn your lesson.

    I'll start:

    Yesterday I finished up a client and she wanted to run next door to Whole Foods for a beer. In the time I was cleaning up before meeting her there, she became buds with one of the beer reps for a local brewery. She and I went outside and were chatting, when this dude comes and sits right in between us and starts talking non-stop. Eventually she up and leaves me there, not quite finished with my beer. Not wanting to be impolite, I didn't find the time to transition elsewhere with grace, and before I know it this guy says, "I really like your ears." Yes, my ears are pointed and occasionally someone will remark about them, but never like that -- never in a way that sounds like a pickup line. "Thanks," I say, "I was born this way." I tried desperately to change the topic to a mutual acquaintance, rambling on about how I knew them, and suddenly he says, "you don't understand. Your ears are amazing. Elves are my favorite race." This time he's staring at my ears like he's just found the Holy Grail. I quickly finish my beer, and he asks to get me another one, to which I reply, "I'll pass on another beer, but it was nice to meet you." I begin to walk away, but not before he can yell out one last compliment for the rest of the patrons to hear, "I've only met one other person with elven ears, and she was amazing!"

    Awkward scale (from 1-10): 8
    Lesson learned: consider your boundaries, stop being so damn polite all the time
     
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  2. Samuel Lighton
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    Samuel Lighton Contributing Member

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    A chav (redneck for you over the pond folks) came in with two women to the bar I was working at. He looked really smug about it, so I commented on it. "Well, looks like you're lucky today eh?" The girls giggled at that, to which he responds. "Yeh, I am a sexual god, a sexual stud, a sexual..." he trailed off not knowing any other ways to portray himself, bless his cotton socks, so I gave up a suggestion for him. "Predator?" To which his little face lit up. "YEAH! I am a sexual predator!" thinking it made him sound cool.

    The girls left shortly after when he went to the toilet.

    Awkward scale (from 1-10): For him? 10.
    Awesome scale (from 1-10): For me. 11.
    Lesson Learned: Always remember that are a bunch of people a lot stupider than you.
     
  3. No-Name Slob
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    No-Name Slob Contributing Member Supporter Contributor

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    @Samuel Lighton hahaha! If this were back in the day and I were one of those girls, I'd have laughed so hard methinks I'd have ended up going home with you instead.
     
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2016
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  4. Samuel Lighton
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    Samuel Lighton Contributing Member

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    *tips hat* Who wouldn't *smug smuggity smug smug smug*.
     
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  5. Feo Takahari
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    Feo Takahari Active Member

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    An older man and a younger woman came into my store together. I'm still uncertain whether she was his wife or his daughter, but she only spoke when directly responding to him, and he made all of her decisions without any input from her.

    He had me bring out some leather boots for her to try on. He said they made her look "sexy badass," and he tried to get me to describe her as sexy badass as well. I reluctantly stated that the boots looked like something Eliza Dushku would wear when kicking bad guys in the face.

    He asked me about a discount, and I told him we were paying the sales tax on all items that day. He said the taxes were nothing, and they left without getting anything.

    Score: nine out of ten. The only reason it's not a ten is that he didn't try to pimp her out to anyone.

    Lesson: even in a retail environment, you don't have to completely play along with the nutters. Just keep them calm until they either buy something or whatever rodents are rattling around in their brains tell them to leave.
     
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  6. No-Name Slob
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    No-Name Slob Contributing Member Supporter Contributor

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    @Feo Takahari "sexy badass." Hahaha. I love it
     
  7. Link the Writer
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    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

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    Ooooh boy, I've got two here:

    Awkward Humans Story #1
    Back in college, there was a man who used to preach about the Bible at the plaza. This was not a religious campus by any means, so his being there was more or less tolerated by all. Well one day, I got close enough for him to notice me. He approached and began discussing how Jesus is trying to save my soul and gave me a CD that he and his organization give out like flyers. I was polite to him, though I think I hurried a little faster than necessary to get away from him.

    Awkwardness: 5/10: Really, consider the irony of the whole thing. College, an institution of learning, had this odd duckling who made it his mission to preach the word of Jesus to everyone. And tried to convert me in the process.

    Lesson: Stay away from those who preach in public at non-religious institutions.

    Awkward Humans Story #2
    Really three separate cases, but they're all revolving the same theme and awkwardness.

    Case #1: I'm at the doctor's office going to the bathroom in the public restroom. The door opens and a man enters. Instead of excusing himself, he stands behind me and engages in polite, brief conversation.

    Case #2: I'm at the local museum going to the restroom. A young man is also in there, but from the way he's acting I assume he may have been mentally challenged. Anyhow, I'm peeing at the urinal and he stands behind me inches away waiting for me to finish. I give him a glare and he walked off.

    Case #3: I'm in a bar going to the restroom when, you guessed it, someone enters and wants to talk to me. While I'm peeing. This person is drunk, and I mean drunk. He was a happy drunk, fortunately, acting all cool and smooth, but needless to say, I bolted out of there quickly.

    Awkwardness: 10/10: So many things wrong here. I don't mean to sound like a cultural elitist if it's acceptable in some cultures to have cordial discussions with complete strangers in the public restroom, inches from where said strangers are taking a piss, but where I'm from, we don't do that. We go in and do our business and leave. Simple. The closest interaction we get is a vague acknowledgement that the other person is present in the same room we're in. The only reason I'm so easy about Case #2 is because the guy in question was obviously mentally challenged.

    Lesson: If you must use the public restroom, two things:

    #1- If it's a singular person restroom, lock the door!
    #2- Use the stall, not the urinal. Less chance of someone deciding to engage in conversation with you while you have your man part out.
     
  8. Earp
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    Earp Active Member

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    Teaching a class at the local community college when a student arrived late and was struggling to get her wheelchair through the door. No one went to help, or even looked at her, until I went over and gave her a hand.

    Awkwardness (for everybody except the woman in the wheelchair): 9/10
    .

    Lesson: I think that many people are confused by advocacy by, and on the part of, the disabled about independence, and the other students simply didn't know what they were supposed to do.
     
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  9. Wreybies
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    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    Awkward Medical Interpretation

    Spanish is a descriptive language with a relatively low number of individual words that serve many purposes, different to English that is a prescriptive language with a huge number of individual words, all with different meanings and connotations. In English a chair is not a stool or vice versa, but in Spanish they are the same thing.

    The patient was describing dumbness in the leg, and the word that is most often used in Spanish to describe numbness is entumecimiento. The very young doctor, in all his high assurance that no young doctor had ever existed quite as brilliant as he, heard the patient say the word and before I had a chance to interpret, he cut me off and said he understood. The doctor proceeded to ask the patient to remove his pants, which seemed in accord with what the patient was reporting so he did. The doctor then investigated the man's genitals and, finding them in a flaccid state, became confused. The doctor had converted entumecimiento into tumescence. The two words do have a shared etymology, but they are "false friends" in this case. I tried my best to keep the smugness off my face as I proceeded to explain to the doctor, knowing full well the error he had made, that the patient was reporting numbness in the leg, not an engorged "third leg".

    Awkward rating of #10.

    Lesson: When you hire a language professional to aid you, make use of the language professional, else find yourself dandling some man's schlong unnecessarily, looking for all the world like you are fondling him for the fun of it.
     
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  10. Lea`Brooks
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    Lea`Brooks Contributing Member Contributor

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    I've been married for a year now and don't know my sister-in-law very well. She lived in Texas with her husband, but now they're in the process of divorcing, so she moved back to Virginia to live with her parents. She's constantly asking me to go shopping and hang out with her. My husband always told me not to -- I'd regret it. But I'm nice, so when she asked me to go shopping with her for her daughter's first birthday party, I agreed. We went to five different places: two party decoration stores, a restaurant for lunch, and two clothing stores.

    In the first store, she literally bought every single Minnie Mouse decoration item they had (though I tried to persuade her otherwise). We get to the register and she swipes her card... And heaven forbid, it ran as credit instead of debit. She stands there, yelling at the cashier, "Why did it run as credit? I don't want credit. I want debit," while repeatedly pushing the cancel button. After being told three times she couldn't cancel, she finally signed and we left.

    Fortunately, the second store was uneventful, except for the fact that she wanted to buy bubbles for party favors. And instead of buying a bag of mini-bubbles, she wanted to buy a large tube with Minnie Mouse on it, one for each person -- for a total of eighty. At a dollar each. I was able to convince her not to waste her money on that.

    At the restaurant, she was on her phone checking social media almost the entire time. When the food came out, the child's plate was larger than she expected and she couldn't stop complaining about it. (Girl, it's food! Take it home!) Then when she went to tear a piece of chicken apart to give to her daughter, she wouldn't stop complaining about how hot it was. (Girl, it's food. Would you rather it be raw?) She continued to play on her phone, while complaining to the waiter every time he came around about the hotness of the food, and I was forced to feed her daughter because she'd stopped paying attention.

    The next store went well until we got to the register. A shirt she wanted rang up as $16 instead of $8. She said to the cashier in the most snotty way possible, "Well, it was on a rack for $8." When he didn't respond, just voided it off her transaction, she snapped, "You aren't even going to look?" He looked across the counter (the rack was right behind her), and said, "Only the tank tops are on sale for $8." She looked at me with this smug little smile and said, "Well, that wasn't very clear, was it, Beth?" I just looked away. (Girl, don't drag me into your drama! As a former retail employee, I can sympathize with that guy. We hate people like you.)

    At the final store, I was ready to go home. I'd had enough of her complaining. (Mind you, I didn't even get a reprieve in the car -- she complained the entire drive about how loud people's engines were, how slow they were driving, and all the people trying to use the crosswalk.) We walk in, she sees this adorable dress for her daughter, and exclaims, "That's the dress I've been wanting to buy! [checks the price tag] Not for $27 though!" with all the sass she could muster. We continue looking, and the cashier comes over, asking if she can help us with anything. "Well, I was going to buy that dress, but not for $27!" as if she expected the cashier to give her a discount or something. Once at the register, she dug through her purse for five minutes looking for coupons she left at home. Then she preceded to berate the cashier for not having spare coupons behind the register or online for use.

    Awkward level: 10/10

    Lesson learned:
    When my husband tells me not to hang out with his sister.... Listen. His mother later apologized for my ordeal and suggested quietly, "Don't hang out with her again."
     
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2016
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  11. Earp
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    Thought of a better one.

    Walking through the San Francisco airport on my way back from overseas when I was spat upon and loudly cursed by one of the best-looking girls I'd ever seen. Turned out in full hippie regalia, she looked like Marianne Faithfull on her best day and swore like a union longshoreman (not an unattractive combination, to be honest, unless you're the target of her invective).

    Awkwardness: for me, maybe 5/10, mainly because I don't like being the center of public attention.
    for the girl's friends, who probably agreed with her but did drag her away, 8/10.
    for the girl, 0/10 - total narcissists don't feel stuff like awkwardness.

    Lesson: Stay out of San Francisco in 1969, especially if you're wearing a Marine Corps uniform.
     
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  12. No-Name Slob
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    No-Name Slob Contributing Member Supporter Contributor

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    @Lea`Brooks that sounds unbearably miserable. I don't think I'd have been able to keep my mouth shut, and then it would have been even more awkward at every family event for years to come. Lol.
     
  13. No-Name Slob
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    No-Name Slob Contributing Member Supporter Contributor

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    @Wreybies Bahahahahahaha. That's the funniest thing I've heard all day!
     
  14. Lea`Brooks
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    Lea`Brooks Contributing Member Contributor

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    Our family get togethers are always awkward. We're constantly butting heads about one thing or another. Just last week he got into a fight with his sister for playfully sticking his finger in her daughters face. The baby loved it. She was laughing and trying to grab his finger. But his sister? Oh no. It was the worst crime he could've committed. "I didn't have three miscarriages so you could disrespect my daughter!" Not the first time she blew something out of proportion either.

    My husband and I had to live with his parents while we were between places. It was only a couple months, but it wasn't fun. They had three dogs (I'm a cat person) that were constantly barking, licking, and begging. They drove me crazy. I posted a simple statement on Facebook ("I hate dogs.") that his sister saw. She was still living in Texas at the time, so she called her mom. Somehow, such a tiny statement blew up in our faces and my husband and his mom got into a huge fight over it. We moved out the next week and barely spoke to her for a year.

    The struggle is real.
     

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