1. matwoolf
    Offline

    matwoolf Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2012
    Messages:
    2,309
    Likes Received:
    2,240
    Location:
    Brighton Heights

    BCE African Veldt fantasy

    Discussion in 'Setting Development' started by matwoolf, Mar 9, 2014.

    Hello,

    The Luzu tribe of South West Africa have finally gathered upon their war rhinos and they charge the ranks of the Ympigs who have been caught unawares upon their hippos whilst slaking thirst at the waterhole.

    In a head-on mounted charge between hippos and rhinos which tribe would emerge victorious?
     
  2. obsidian_cicatrix
    Offline

    obsidian_cicatrix I ink, therefore I am. Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2013
    Messages:
    1,711
    Likes Received:
    1,453
    Location:
    Belfast, Northern Ireland
    Think I'm falling for that? *Tuts* You and your trick questions.

    Obviously, the Ympigs. It is neither here nor there that they were taken unawares, for it is a well known fact that the cloud of noxious emissions emanating from their hippos posteriors, (caused in part by diet) can actually repel a rhino charge from up to 40 paces away.

    Now, if you'd said the rhinos were wearing gas masks, the whole scenario might have seemed a bit more plausible.
     
    jannert likes this.
  3. Pheonix
    Offline

    Pheonix A Singer of Space Operas and The Fourth Mod of RP Staff Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2012
    Messages:
    5,716
    Likes Received:
    401
    Location:
    The Windy City
    I want to really overthink think this and post a page long reply... But I don't have the time for that at the moment... :(

    Suffice to say, my money is on the Rhinos!
     
  4. matwoolf
    Offline

    matwoolf Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2012
    Messages:
    2,309
    Likes Received:
    2,240
    Location:
    Brighton Heights
    Hi Obsid, Hi Phoenix. So a single vote for each beast? Interesting. I'm torn myself, and might write the battle scene tomorrow. There's a cute new hippo at Mexico City zoo, btw.

    The easy way to go would be the peace-loving Ympigs evolved with their hippos, and are currently trailing a caravan of hippos across the valley, as their intention is to trade dried peas and pepper along the coast. It is at this moment that they, the Ympigs, hear the war horns of the rhinos, who, with fierce, glistening warriors strapped to their backs, charge down the hill in a stampede of hatred, yes yes yes etcetera.

    Or I'd maybe prefer a character who ran away to join the rhinos - Legion of the Rhinos type affair might be more my boat.
     
  5. Jack Asher
    Offline

    Jack Asher Wildly experimental Contributor

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2013
    Messages:
    3,571
    Likes Received:
    2,053
    Location:
    Denver
    The only animal considered more dangerous in Africa then the hippopotamus is the cape horn buffalo.

    The hippos win in a landslide, what were the Luzus even thinking?
     
  6. matwoolf
    Offline

    matwoolf Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2012
    Messages:
    2,309
    Likes Received:
    2,240
    Location:
    Brighton Heights
    Thank you Jack for your observation, and let it not be said that the great Luzu Kaftan - Shyhole the Merciless has not learned from his mistakes. Indeed, he has discovered how a trio of war rhinos shall quite comfortably slaughter a single average hippo, plus its rider. His vengeance is a dish best served hot or cold.

    Jack's prize:

     
  7. jannert
    Offline

    jannert Contributing Member Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2013
    Messages:
    7,812
    Likes Received:
    7,333
    Location:
    Scotland
    I'm saying nothing.
     
  8. jannert
    Offline

    jannert Contributing Member Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2013
    Messages:
    7,812
    Likes Received:
    7,333
    Location:
    Scotland
    As usual...
     
  9. matwoolf
    Offline

    matwoolf Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2012
    Messages:
    2,309
    Likes Received:
    2,240
    Location:
    Brighton Heights
    Hello Jane, obviously you'd be some kind of Ympig slave girl whose catapult - fired from aside the shady pyramid, flings a sharpened flint toward the mind of noble prince Idiod (probably me, this character, former rhino-chaser gone to seed, he patrols the rhino pens at night time). Blood trickles from his eye, yet he recovers completely from his injury and the slave girl is roasted and fed to the herd. So you'd have to be somebody else after your set-back. I tend to be more sympathetic towards rhino society, the ascendancy of Hippolia is centuries away, I'm afraid.

    You see how I am layering my story-lines here.
     
  10. jannert
    Offline

    jannert Contributing Member Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2013
    Messages:
    7,812
    Likes Received:
    7,333
    Location:
    Scotland
    You Idiod ...why would I give my strategy away? I want to win. I want to beat you all to a frazzle and send you whumping and packing back where you came from, splintered eye and all. Roasted and fed to the herd? You and whose army. Slave girl, my arse. Noble prince, my arse. Rhino my arse...
     
    obsidian_cicatrix likes this.
  11. mammamaia
    Offline

    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2006
    Messages:
    19,316
    Likes Received:
    1,014
    Location:
    Coquille, Oregon
    how can beasts with nought but sparsley-toothed, hugely gaping jaws for weapons best the deadly thrusting of dual, hide-piercing horns?

    plus, rhinos are more agile in turns and speedier than the generally somewhat smaller river horses...

    so, my money's on the horny guys!
     
  12. matwoolf
    Offline

    matwoolf Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2012
    Messages:
    2,309
    Likes Received:
    2,240
    Location:
    Brighton Heights
    Exactly, I'll fish out your prize Mammamia, congratulations. Yes, a fish. One cod, I caught him down the pool this morning. Whatever he thought he was playing at in the fast lane I don't know so I whipped him up and out by the tail, lifeguards said I could keep the fish, well he is yours now. I'm on my way.

    'Bye bye wife, I'm off to Mmmamia's place in the mountains...'

    So far it's Obsid, Phoenix on the hippos against Jack and Mammamia on rhinos. I think I'll give Jannert a giraffe to ride, that'll learn her. Need to think about outfits.
     
  13. jannert
    Offline

    jannert Contributing Member Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2013
    Messages:
    7,812
    Likes Received:
    7,333
    Location:
    Scotland
    DSCF1612.jpg

    Ew God, I'm stuck with another giraffe. Just got rid of that one on Facebook...
     
    Last edited: Mar 10, 2014
    obsidian_cicatrix likes this.
  14. Jack Asher
    Offline

    Jack Asher Wildly experimental Contributor

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2013
    Messages:
    3,571
    Likes Received:
    2,053
    Location:
    Denver
    Those teeth are 8 inches long, sharpened like a spade, and will fuck a rhino straight up.
     
  15. matwoolf
    Offline

    matwoolf Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2012
    Messages:
    2,309
    Likes Received:
    2,240
    Location:
    Brighton Heights
    Stupid woman. Hippos fucked the rhinos. Death to rhinos
     
    Jack Asher likes this.
  16. jannert
    Offline

    jannert Contributing Member Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2013
    Messages:
    7,812
    Likes Received:
    7,333
    Location:
    Scotland
    Back to the drawing board...?
     
  17. mammamaia
    Offline

    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2006
    Messages:
    19,316
    Likes Received:
    1,014
    Location:
    Coquille, Oregon
    thanks for the thought, but please return the poor cod to his pool... i don't cotton to harming our fellow members of the animal kingdom... hugs, m
     
  18. Gemini_Genie
    Offline

    Gemini_Genie Member

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2014
    Messages:
    57
    Likes Received:
    13
    Location:
    Columbus, Georgia
    lol I'm no animal expert but if I had to bet money I'd bet on the Hippos too. But not because they have really rank smelling farts. Hippos are good swimmers and if that watering hole just so happened to be a river they and the Ympigs could just swim away. Also Hippos have some gnarly looking teeth. I've never seen a Rhino bite anything or open its mouth nearly as wide. Imagine how much stuff you could hide inside a Hippos mouth to get through customs at an airport! Bet no one would wanna search that! XD
     
    matwoolf likes this.

Share This Page