1. Jonathan Mukuasa
    Offline

    Jonathan Mukuasa New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2013
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0

    Can you make a description of my character?

    Discussion in 'Character Development' started by Jonathan Mukuasa, Aug 16, 2013.

    My character is a antagonist who comes from his home planet. He is a mischievous king who often kill his people and punishing and executing his slaves. He was the most powerful, most dangerous, most mightiest man in the galaxy. There is dictatorship in his planet and he has a great empire.

    His name is Umbrados. He's an alien.

    Here's some pictures to look at him.


    BMMPjkJCIAAxQQT.jpg BMMPzMOCUAAIT_k.jpg BMa4fzBCcAAKGtV.jpg
     

    Attached Files:

  2. GingerCoffee
    Offline

    GingerCoffee Web Surfer Girl Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 3, 2013
    Messages:
    17,601
    Likes Received:
    5,875
    Location:
    Ralph's side of the island.
    I'm unclear what you are asking. You have described the guy fairly well. I think you may be underestimating your skill.

    Try showing not telling by using things to show the character rather than tell us about him.

    The floor creaked from the weight as his muscular hulk crossed the room. I wondered if he ever had to comb that helmut-like hair on his head.

    One way I do it is to write out the description, then go back and look for all the places I might be able to write a better 'show, don't tell'. I edit a lot, but the result is satisfying.
     
  3. Gallowglass
    Offline

    Gallowglass Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    May 2, 2009
    Messages:
    1,617
    Likes Received:
    88
    Location:
    Loch na Seilg, Alba
    If you can't, we definitely can't. Give it a go first.
     
  4. Cogito
    Offline

    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    May 19, 2007
    Messages:
    35,935
    Likes Received:
    2,043
    Location:
    Massachusetts, USA
    Undoubtedly I could. But it would be my description, and the character would diverge from your vision of him.

    No one can do this for you. Give it your best shot. The more you practice, the more proficient, and confident, you will become. You will develop your own voice, too.
     
  5. CyberFD
    Offline

    CyberFD Member

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2013
    Messages:
    70
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Mystical Land of Ohio
    Umbrados is flawless.
    He has two Fendi purses, and a silver Lexus.
    I hear his hair is insured for $10,000.
    I hear he does car commercials... in Japan.
    His favorite movie is Varsity Blues.
    One time he met John Stamos on a plane, and he told him he was pretty.
    One time, he punched me in the face... it was awesome.

    That would be my description.
     
    EllBeEss likes this.
  6. psychotick
    Offline

    psychotick Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2011
    Messages:
    1,371
    Likes Received:
    307
    Location:
    Rotorua, New Zealand
    Hi,

    Some say your character met Hitler once and Hitler was immediately smitten! Thereafter he spent the rest of his life trying to measure up to Um!

    Cheers, Greg.
     
    cazann34 likes this.
  7. shadowwalker
    Offline

    shadowwalker Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2011
    Messages:
    3,299
    Likes Received:
    851
    Which character do you want written for you first - this guy or the Kenachi fellow from your other post?
     
  8. Gallowglass
    Offline

    Gallowglass Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    May 2, 2009
    Messages:
    1,617
    Likes Received:
    88
    Location:
    Loch na Seilg, Alba
    Just a heads-up: he looks an awful lot like this guy, if this guy could bench-press all those diamond ponies he keeps buying. That's Handsome Jack from Borderlands, a guy also in the planet-running business, just like your character. It may be worth making some aesthetic adjustments, to ensure that Borderlands fans like me don't point this out if you ever intend to go public.

    The only feature on either that stands out enough to warrant a distinct mention are their cheekbones; people insinuate a lot about a person's character when wide cheekbones are mentioned, and in this case it's broadly accurate.
     
  9. GingerCoffee
    Offline

    GingerCoffee Web Surfer Girl Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 3, 2013
    Messages:
    17,601
    Likes Received:
    5,875
    Location:
    Ralph's side of the island.
    Jonathan does not appear to have returned.
     

Share This Page