1. NateSean
    Offline

    NateSean Active Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2011
    Messages:
    254
    Likes Received:
    16
    Location:
    Salem, Mass

    Creatively Insulting Someone

    Discussion in 'General Writing' started by NateSean, Apr 9, 2011.

    I like to come up with as many unique and creative ways to insult someone. I have a nice list of insults at the ready if I want my characters to have a particularly lively argument without having to resort to something over used.

    Care to get a list together?

    Here are some of mine.

    "I dropped a Pluto-is-still-a-planet-sized hint on you and you still couldn't figure it out."

    "You're the whole six pack but you lack the plastic rings to hold it together."
     
  2. Trish
    Offline

    Trish I've been deleted.. again Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2011
    Messages:
    1,986
    Likes Received:
    224
    Location:
    New York
    I assume you just want general ones so off the top of my head.....

    Few bricks short of a full load

    Few french fries short of a happy meal

    Your mother dropped you a lot, didn't she?

    How do you spell your name again? I wanna make sure I have it right on the idiot award.

    Let me know when it makes it back from California. (when something goes over their head)

    I'm sorry, I didn't realize English was your second language.
    (for someone who it is blatantly their FIRST language, I'm not insulting people who have English as their second language)

    Not the sharpest tool in the shed

    Not the sharpest knife in the drawer

    If we combine you and a shih tzu we'll almost have a smart dog
     
    1 person likes this.
  3. NateSean
    Offline

    NateSean Active Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2011
    Messages:
    254
    Likes Received:
    16
    Location:
    Salem, Mass
    General's good. Or if you have a list of specific ones (long as they're not racy and such) that's cool too.
     
  4. Trish
    Offline

    Trish I've been deleted.. again Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2011
    Messages:
    1,986
    Likes Received:
    224
    Location:
    New York
    I don't have a list... wanna tell me a little about your characters? Then I can have specific.. I like banter :D
     
  5. NateSean
    Offline

    NateSean Active Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2011
    Messages:
    254
    Likes Received:
    16
    Location:
    Salem, Mass
    Well no when you said general, I figured you met insults for everyone. So when I said lists I meant something insults directed specifically at say, siblings, parents, or politicians you could include that if you like.

    For example: Insults I reserve for my siblings.

    Did we really share the same place for nine months?

    What part of the gene pool was mom swimming in before you came along?
     
  6. dave_c
    Offline

    dave_c Active Member

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2010
    Messages:
    152
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    st helens, near liverpool
    heard an excellent one from a comedian forget his name

    person one - If you look up stupid in a dictionary there is a picture of you
    person two - well Im not the one who had to look up stupid, and my dictionary doesnt have pictures in it.

    made me laugh alot
     
  7. Trish
    Offline

    Trish I've been deleted.. again Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2011
    Messages:
    1,986
    Likes Received:
    224
    Location:
    New York
    Gotcha. Sorry, I misunderstood :) I don't really have any that I reserve for specific people.
     
  8. Elgaisma
    Offline

    Elgaisma Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2010
    Messages:
    5,337
    Likes Received:
    92
    I cheat when I am not using a variation on world's most evil ugly bitch troll from hell or something about infernal sisterhoods I turns to Shakespeare:

    You bed pressing pox ridden wench. (Fat, spotty and ugly)
    bulls pizzle (perfect for my hyper skinny brother)
    Dissembling harlot, thou art false in all!
    I scorn you, scurvy companion. (for my husband lol)
    I had rather chop this hand off at a blow, And with the other fling it at thy face.
    There is also the mis-shapen dick quote.

    Or the Nancy Astor vs Winston Churchill (he was in the bath by all accounts)

    Nancy: If you were my husband I would poison you.
    Winston: If I were you husband madam I would gladly take it.
     
  9. dnsralg
    Offline

    dnsralg Senior Member

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2011
    Messages:
    112
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    New York
    @Elgaisma - same here!

    When not doing that, though, I find that blatantly ignoring someone and letting them know is best.
    I use it on my mom all the time! She'll be telling me about something I couldn't give two pieces a poo for, so once I no longer have to block out her voice (she finally stopped talking or is awaiting my response), I use some form of "I wasn't listening to you." :p
     
  10. AwesomeTingle
    Offline

    AwesomeTingle Member

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2011
    Messages:
    31
    Likes Received:
    1
    lol Here's one:
    There's one good thing about your body- it isn't as bad as your face!
    or
    I know you're nobody's fool. Maybe someone will adopt you.
    or
    I don't know what you're taking to make you stupid, but it sure works!
     
  11. Link the Writer
    Offline

    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2009
    Messages:
    11,200
    Likes Received:
    4,210
    Location:
    Alabama, USA
    Interestingly enough, I once composed a list of insults for Amos to say against the British (He's anti-British, though ironically he lives with the British!).

    "The British flag is needlessly complicated. Not like the French flag, of course. So simple yet so regal. We don't need to make our flags feel like spokes on a wagon wheel to show how impressive we are. I can only pray the Americans do not make their flag feel like a wheel."

    *later, feeling the American flag*

    "Stars and stripes? Eh, not what I expected, but it's better than the Brits..."
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    "Wait, so there's little countries within Great Britain? Stop there. I'm getting a headache. At least France has the courtesy of calling herself one singular country."
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Culprit: (To someone he was trying to help) "I am your King Arthur! I want to help you!"
    Amos: "I'm the guy that stabbed the old sod to death. Face it, your glorious reign is over."
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    "Wait, you mean Patrick became a saint because he drove out the snakes? I drove out a rat a week ago; why am I not a saint?"
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    *sniffs* "Something reeks...who let the Irish in?"
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    I know that's probably not what you wanted, but it just reminded me of these. :p
     
  12. Ellipse
    Offline

    Ellipse Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2010
    Messages:
    714
    Likes Received:
    32
    Adding a couple:

    "You illegitimate child!"

    "If I insult you, please let me know. I may wish to insult you again later on."
     
  13. Link the Writer
    Offline

    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2009
    Messages:
    11,200
    Likes Received:
    4,210
    Location:
    Alabama, USA
    Some more...

    "Boy, am I glad I'm blind, because if I had to see you, I'd gouge my eyes out in an instant!"

    or...

    "Boy, am I glad to be deaf, because if I had to hear you, I'd rip my eardrums out in an instant!"

    or...

    "Hey, son of my hated enemy. Guess what? You are nothing. You will never be anything. Your parents pay your friends to be with you. Your parents pretend to love you. They really wish you'd just run into the woods, lie down in some creek below a log and die."

    Hmmm, that might be just a tad cruel...
     
  14. psychotick
    Offline

    psychotick Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2011
    Messages:
    1,371
    Likes Received:
    307
    Location:
    Rotorua, New Zealand
    Hi,

    Are you on medication? And if they say no - Have you considered it?

    Also if its their work that you want to blast:

    The pages of this book are too far apart.

    And supposedly between Einstein and Neils Bohr in a letter: Dear Sir, I am seated in the smallest room of the house with your last work before me. Soon it shall be behind me.

    Cheers.
     
  15. Cogito
    Offline

    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    May 19, 2007
    Messages:
    35,935
    Likes Received:
    2,043
    Location:
    Massachusetts, USA
    It took me a moment, but then I came very close to shooting soda out my nose.
     
  16. Trish
    Offline

    Trish I've been deleted.. again Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2011
    Messages:
    1,986
    Likes Received:
    224
    Location:
    New York
    How damaging was it when your parents tied a steak around your neck so the dog would play with you?
     
  17. NateSean
    Offline

    NateSean Active Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2011
    Messages:
    254
    Likes Received:
    16
    Location:
    Salem, Mass
    Brilliant.

    Historically, Charles Babbage once had to this to say:

    "Members of Parliment have approached me and asked, 'I pray Mr. Babbage, if I put the wrong numbers into the machine will the right figures come out?' I am not rightly able to comprehend the sort of stupidity that could lead to such a question."
     
  18. Show
    Offline

    Show Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2008
    Messages:
    1,495
    Likes Received:
    30
    My Public Speaking teacher had a very creative way to, not insult, but inform a student that their interview needed more material. lol
     
  19. jack744
    Offline

    jack744 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 7, 2010
    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    London
    A Couple More...

    Not very smart:

    'Sharp as a beach ball'

    Not very thin:

    "I think I've lost weight."
    "No, it's behind you."

    Not very pretty:

    'How can someone be so ugly with only one head?'
     
  20. NateSean
    Offline

    NateSean Active Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2011
    Messages:
    254
    Likes Received:
    16
    Location:
    Salem, Mass
    For a suck-up:

    "If you're going to kiss someone's buns, can you at least make sure there's frosting on them?"

    "It's amazing how you're able to walk upright with your head so far up my ass."
     
  21. BEyre
    Offline

    BEyre Member

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2011
    Messages:
    34
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    North Carolina
    Y'all must be psychic. I spent some time this morning online looking for websites that list many of these type of insults as two characters in a group of main characters don't like each other from the get-go ... and the only "comic relief" in the story comes in the form of the insulting banter between the two throughout the book.

    Hmmm, I need to call Mom ... she is good at insulting people in a way they think it's a compliment. Like telling people to go to h*ll and they look forward to the trip. :redface:
     
  22. digitig
    Offline

    digitig Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2010
    Messages:
    2,502
    Likes Received:
    79
    Location:
    Orpington, Bromley, United Kingdom, United Kingdom
    I suppose "Somewhere a village is missing its idiot" is too well-known. I did like the following exchange:
    "Are you trying to make a fool out of me?"
    "No, I couldn't hope to improve on nature."
     
  23. NateSean
    Offline

    NateSean Active Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2011
    Messages:
    254
    Likes Received:
    16
    Location:
    Salem, Mass
    That, my friend, is what is referred to as Irish diplomacy.
     
  24. art
    Offline

    art Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2010
    Messages:
    1,159
    Likes Received:
    113
    'You're not about to insult me with some lines culled from a book of quotations or worse still, from a forum of amateur writers are you? Are you?!'
     
  25. BEyre
    Offline

    BEyre Member

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2011
    Messages:
    34
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    North Carolina
    *snickers* I don't think you can top that one. :D
     

Share This Page